Poetry 30 - "During the Emotions"

Two months ago I began to share a portion of the poetry I have written over the years. The twenty-five poems/prayers written on our Sexuality I would hope to have in print and available for sharing, devotional reading, use in worship, etc. later this year. I will note that here when it happens.

This piece "During the Emotions" is the last one I will post for now. It is oddly enough, the first one I mentioned two months ago, since I first posted it over six years ago. While it was written and published sometime prior to the actual posting, it was posted here during a difficult time of reflecting which led up to a major change in ministry location and career direction. It could however speak to individuals in almost any sphere of their life where difficult struggles are taking place and emotions are running strong.

Now, six years later, I find myself at a similar place, reflecting . . . as a major change is looming on the horizon. There are some major differences this time, but the emotions are very similar. This addresses what was going on inside of me at that time, and how we wrestle with decisions many times. This piece was published in a national book of poetry and received an award for one of the top pieces in that publication. I am pleased with that award, and am pleased to share this piece again here on my site.

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During The Emotions

How did

I get here?

This is not something

I planned. But

these feelings just seem to come upon me.

I never intended to have these feelings.

It is as if they sneaked up on

me.

I have always claimed - - - at least outwardly - - -

self-sufficiency. Now

these feelings come.

It wasn’t supposed to be this way.

My life is something that has been

carefully orchestrated,

planned,

structured,

orderly. But now

these feelings come.

What do they mean?

Do they mean anything?

Should they mean something?

Guidance –

that is what I need.

Advise – of that

I have plenty.

I need no more.

Frustration –

it has paid a visit,

several visits in fact.

So it is to You

I come - - - seeking

this

guidance. Because now

these feelings come.

Poetry 29 - "Homophobic (Perhaps Not Even Aware)

For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there

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A Prayer for

Those Who Are

. . . Homophobic (Perhaps Not Even Aware)

Lord,

They say I am normal.

I feel I am normal.

I wonder what it normal.

It does not matter if I know at this point or not.

I do know this:

I have been guilty of treating another human being

in a manner which is not pleasing to You.

I do not know why I do this.

Maybe I am afraid of what I do not understand.

Remind me how Jesus treated those who were rejected by others.

Help me to be more like Jesus.

Help me to love like Jesus.

I do not have to accept what I disagree with,

but I must love the other person.

I do not have to condone actions,

but I must care for them as persons.

Help me Father to be strong where I need to be strong,

and loving where I need to be loving.

Help me to be able to know how to blend strength and love.

Help me to fully grasp and understand the difference.

Amen.

Poetry 28 - "Homosexual Desires"

For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there

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A Prayer for

Those Who Are

. . . Struggling with Homosexual Desires

Dear God,

I am so confused.

I feel things that others do not understand.

I feel things that most may never understand.

Help me to understand.

I do not want to hurt others.

I do not want to be hurt by others.

I do not want to misunderstand.

I do not wish to be misunderstood and questioned.

Help me to not hurt so.

As much as I can heal . . .

heal me.

As much as I can change . . .

change me.

As much as I can cope . . .

help me cope.

As much as I must accept

help me accept.

This will not be easy.

I need You and Your love.

I need others and their support.

I ask for Your strength.

I ask for Your wisdom.

I ask for Your help

Amen.

Poetry 27 - "Guilt from Masturbation"

For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there

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A Prayer for

Those Who Are

. . . Dealing with Guilt Over Masturbation

Lord,

There really is no one else I can talk to about this.

It is just too personal.

I do not know if it is wrong or not.

I feel guilt,

but I am not sure why.

It is not really a conviction for sin I am feeling.

It is more like

I am being cheated out of something.

Dear God,

I have no one with which to share

this very important part of my being.

The aloneness

afterwards

reminds me of that.

I ask for deliverance from unnecessary personal guilt.

I do confess thoughts related to this

that may be sinful.

I praise You that You created me as a sexual being

with sexual feelings.

And I ask . . . I plead

For someone with which to share this with.

Amen.

Poetry 26 - "Addicted to Pornography"

For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there

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A Prayer for

Those Who Are

. . . Addicted to Pornography

My God,

I know that I should not allow anything to control my life

except You.

I now find I am being controlled by my thoughts

and my addiction

to materials that are not pleasing to You.

This is degrading to women,

whom You created.

This is degrading to men,

whom You created.

This is degrading to sex,

which You created.

This is degrading to me,

whom You desire to help.

Help me get the necessary help.

Help me become accountable to someone trustworthy.

Help me overcome my addiction to pornography.

Help me to learn to control my thought life better.

This is not a struggle that will be over quickly.

This is not a battle that will be easily won.

This is not a struggle

that You do not care about either.

I submit to You for the help I can get nowhere else.

I ask for the assistance

that only You and Your Spirit can grant.

Amen.

Poetry 25 - "Recovering from an Adulterous Relationship"

For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there

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A Prayer for

Those Who Are

. . . Recovering from and Adulterous Relationship

My God and my Father,

I have failed you miserably.

I have had a sexual relationship

with someone who is not my spouse.

I know your were not surprised by my sin,

but you were saddened.

I have hurt my partner.

I have hurt others.

I have hurt You.

I have hurt myself.

Please forgive me.

Help me to rise from this incredible failing.

Help me to forgive myself.

Like David,

Against You I have sinned.

Wash away my iniquity.

Cleanse me of my sin.

Restore to me the joy of my salvation.

My tears are bitter.

My pain is real – even if others cannot see it.

You presence is just as real.

I do not make light of this sin . . .

but I AM picking up the pieces and moving forward.

May I be sensitive to help others because of this failure of mine.

Because of Jesus Christ Your Son.

Amen.

Poetry 24 - "Virgins but Wish to be Married"

For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there

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A Prayer for

Those Who Are

. . . Virgins and Wish to be Married

Lord,

This will not be understood by many.

This will not be understood by most.

This is simply how I feel.

I am many years now an adult . . . and I am still a virgin.

I will not attempt lie to You or anyone else.

I am not very happy about it.

This is not how I expected my life to turn out.

I have kept from sex,

because I believe it is wrong outside of marriage.

That is why I am not happy.

I wanted to be married by now and no longer a virgin.

If I am not to be married,

why do I struggle with these desires?

I need Your help Father.

This is a battle I simply cannot win alone.

I know marriage will not solve all related problems.

In fact, it could make some of them worse.

But it is still the choice I want to make.

Please grant me the grace,

in whatever state You lead me.

I want to trust You to do what is best with my life.

Amen.

Poetry 23 - " Thankful to be a Virgin"

For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there

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A Prayer for

Those Who Are

. . . Thankful for their Virginity

Father in Heaven,

I hold no personal pride in where my body is today.

It is only by your grace that I have made it to this point.

I thank You that I am still a virgin.

It has not always been easy,

but it has always been right.

Thank You for Your strength,

when mine was weak.

Thank You for Your wisdom,

when mine was insufficient.

Thank You for Your courage,

when I leaned toward cowardice.

Thank You for Your forgiveness,

when I wanted to succumb to the pressure.

Thank You for Your grace,

when that was all I had.

In a day when virginity is looked down upon,

I am pleased to still be one.

May I only surrender mine within Your will and grace.

Amen.

Poetry 22 - "Carrying a Sexually Transmitted Disease"

For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there

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A Prayer for

Those Who Are

. . . Carrying a Sexually Transmitted Disease

Oh

Dear God,

My worst nightmare has come true.

I have a disease that can be understood by very few.

It is so private, that it is known only by a few.

I must share my part of the blame,

but it does not stop the pain.

I confess my fault,

but I am hurt and disillusioned.

I lift my body to You.

I lift my emotions to You.

I lift my spirit to You.

You are the great physician.

Please heal my body if it is Your will.

Heal my sprit

and my emotions

and my mind

because it is Your will.

Amen.

Poetry 21 - "Rape Vicitms"

For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there

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A Prayer for

Those Who Are

. . . Rape Victims

Dear God,

I have been violated.

I have been hurt beyond description.

It affects me every single day.

I am depressed.

I am scared.

I am angry.

I feel guilty,

even though I know I am not.

I feel to blame,

even though I am innocent.

I feel like damaged goods,

even though I know I am not.

I feel it is hopeless,

even though I know it is not.

I know Your love heals all wounds.

Heal mine!

Help me to get over this desire to get even.

Help me to be kind to myself.

Help me to not expect too much too soon.

Help me to trust again.

Help me to experience Your grace

when I need it most!

Amen.

Poetry 20 - "Abused as Children, Now Divorced"

For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there

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A Prayer for

Those Who Were

. . . Abused as Children, and Now are Divorced

Lord,

The pain lingers on.

I was the prey.

Now I am a casualty.

When I was a child, I was sexually abused

by someone I trusted.

The pain lingers on.

Now the scars that remain

have contributed to the dissolution of my marriage.

I thought I could just put it all behind me.

I now know I need help to do so.

Once again,

I feel alone.

The pain lingers on.

Help me deal with the pain.

Grant me deliverance from the demons in my memory.

I ask for a miracle in my life.

For, that is what I feel it will take.

That is what You can give.

Amen.

Poetry 19 - "Aging and Sex"

For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there

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A Prayer for

Those Who Are

. . . Struggling with Aging and Sex

Dear God,

I look in the mirror and realize

I am not as young as I once was.

I cannot run as fast

or as long.

Sexually, it is the same.

I have the same desires,

but these failures make me feel so worthless.

My being is not made up entirely of sex,

so why do I feel like it is?

Help me accept myself where I am.

Help me make change and adapt where I can

and should.

Help me to be patient with myself.

Help my partner to be patient with me.

Help me release this struggle to Your grace.

Amen.

Poetry 18 - "Recovering from Date Rape"

For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there

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A Prayer for

Those Who Are

. . . Recovering from Date Rape

Precious Lord,

I trusted and I cared.

I went out with a person who violated me.

Why do I feel guilty?

I did nothing wrong.

Why do others doubt me?

I am the victim.

Why must I suffer?

Another sinned against me.

Jesus,

I am still unsure of what damage has been done to me

I ask for Your protection

from the memories,

from this person,

from my desire to see them pay a high price,

from disease

from shame.

To You, I commit this dreadful deed.

From You, I must draw strength.

Upon You, I must lean.

With You, I must walk this dark valley,

for you have walked valleys of pain before.

My tears remind me of the act committed against me.

May I respond as You did

to those who sinned against You?

Amen.

Poetry 17 - "Thought Life"

For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there

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A Prayer for

Those Who Are

. . . Struggling with their Thought Life

Lord,

My mind gives me little or no rest.

Far too often

I think thoughts

I know are not pleasing to You.

This is a battle I cannot win alone.

I know my desires are normal,

but I also know

that I am invading the privacy of another

without their permission

. . . or Yours.

Help me to bring the area of my life under control.

Help me to submit to You and Your Spirit.

Help me to respect the other person.

Thank You for helping me,

even when I do not even realize it.

Amen

Poetry 16 - "Temptation"

For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there

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A Prayer for

Those Who Are

. . . in a Sexually Tempting Relationship

Lord,

I love someone.

I love them in powerful fashion.

Our love is real.

Our love is strong.

The temptation is also real . . .

and strong.

The desires are pulling us in a direction that

we have no intention of going.

We have decided not to become involved sexually,

but the pressure is incredible at times.

Heavenly Father,

I ask You

for grace that is stronger than our temptation.

for confidence that our decision is correct,

for a route of escape when the way seems closed.

I recommit myself to You.

Amen.

Poetry 15 - "Considering Marriage"

For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there

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A Prayer for

Those Who Are

. . . Considering Marriage

Dear Lord,

You created marriage.

You created sex.

I am now considering both

with someone for whom I care very deeply.

As sincerely as I know how,

I ask for Your blessing on this relationship.

I ask You to bless this marriage.

I desire for you to bless our sexual union.

I will be honest and open with this person,

I will share what I desire to share sexually,

and be open to sharing what I now do not.

I will give my body unashamedly

and unconditionally to this person.

I will accept their body unashamedly

and unconditionally

as a gift from them and from You.

I am willing to accept my share of the responsibility

for the learning process.

I am willing to accept my share of the joy

from the result of having learned.

Thank You Father that we are both sexual beings.

As long as we live

may we only be sexually involved with one another

because this is right, and this is pleasing to You.

Amen.

Poetry 14 - "Previously Married"

For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there

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A Prayer for

Those Who Are

. . . Previously Married

Father,

I was once married,

now I am not.

I once knew sexual intimacy,

now I do not.

I once shared my total being with another

now I do not.

I grapple with this almost every day I live.

The frustration is immense.

The temptation is incredible.

The pain is very real. Dear Father

I ask for grace to deal with this pressure,

but what I would really like

is someone

with which to once again

share this most intimate part of me.

Please grant me the comfort I need

to live a life that is pleasing to You.

Place your healing balm on my soul and my body.

Amen.