Making a Difference – Part 5: Paul Everett

Do you know how to tell which human beings have issues? They are the ones who are breathing. If we draw oxygen, we have unsettled issues. These issues may be from our past or our present. They may be relational, practical, theoretical, theological, emotional, or any number of other sources, but we all have them.

The fact is that most of us are in denial of this fact. In order to cover this we say things like:
· “Oh, it does not bother me.”
· “I have forgiven them.”
· “Nothing happened.”
· “It is no big deal.”
· “Why do you keep bringing that up?”
· “I do not have issue with them.”
· “I am over it.”

This denial is especially true about past issues of pain that we conveniently suppress rather than do the painful work of dealing with them. In most cases, we need a safe harbor, a trusted person to dredge up those issues, explore them, unpack them and address them head on before we move on.

Paul Everett was that safe harbor for me. Paul is a retired Presbyterian Minister. He served nearly 30 years as the head of the Pittsburgh Experiment a ministry to business professionals in the Pittsburgh area. He attended the church I pastored until his move to the New York area about five years ago.

Paul and I struck up a pretty deep friendship (in my opinion – I think in his as well) in the late 1990s. We would meet for lunch often and talk about lives. It was in one such meeting that some issues from my past just spilled out onto the table. I did not plan to bring them up. It was not calculated. I actually was in great denial about them. But come up they did. Paul did not flinch. He listened and then cared. He shared similar experiences from his own past and over the next few months helped me unpack how all this stuff from my past was affecting my present.

There are some very intense personal issues we addressed that I am not about to put in the public eye for both our sakes, but I will say it changed me for the good. And it changed me forever.

There is another way Paul impacted me. He taught me a lot about prayer by our prayer time together. I have known for many years that prayer was supposed to be a conversation with God. It was one very special lunch with Paul that I became keenly aware of how true that really was.

Most of us who pray find ourselves changing our language. You know, we have to “talk right” when we talk to God. That, in reality, is ridiculous, but we do it just the same. One day over lunch Paul said to me, “Let’s pray about this.” And he just started to talk to God. He did not bow his head. He did not fold his hands. He did not even close his eyes. In fact he continued to look steadfastly into my eyes. This was one of the most intense prayer moments I had ever experienced.

It would be wonderful if it ended there, but it did not. As we were praying, remember to an outsider it looked no different than any normal conversation, our server came over and asked us if she could refill our coffee. Paul said, “Yes, and we need a bit more cream too please. Thank you very much.” Without so much as batting an eyelash he looked back at me and continued our prayer, picking up right where he left off, the same as if it had been any normal conversation.

You know what I learned that day . . . IT WAS a normal conversation. We were conversing with God just as you would talk to anyone. My prayer life has not been the same from that day to this. I have done that very same thing in Bible studies, with individuals, with family, with friends, and even with an entire congregation of people.

As I look back over the last years, I am more self aware, more in tune with my weaknesses and more accepting of others weaknesses due to the long conversations I had with Paul. He is the most recent person in my list of folks who made a difference. But make no mistake; he made a profound difference in my life.