Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Rob Bell: "Love Wins" – My Thoughts, Part Two
Friday, March 25, 2011
Rob Bell: "Love Wins" – My Thoughts, Part One
Friday, March 11, 2011
You and Your Divorced Friends
As I thought about writing ideas, it dawned on me that I have never written concerning a topic that was a major force in twenty years of ministry. That would be the subject of divorce. Since I lead a ministry now that has at its primary purpose to help create healthy marriages, this topic carries a bit of irony. There is not as much irony as you would think when you know my full past. This subject came about partly because one of my younger brothers took his own life due in great part to a divorce. (I will write more on that some other time.)
I am not talking about divorce percentages in this article (which vary dramatically depending upon who you read), or divorce prevention (where much of my present ministry is involved) or even divorce recovery (although I led well over 1,500 folks through that process in ministry in two states). I am talking about the day to day relationships with people you rub shoulders with on a daily basis who are dealing with this life altering experience.
That is sad since every one of us has people cross our path regularly that are struggling with the rejection, the pain and the lack of self respect that follows a divorce. I know most us can use some basic information on how to assist friends, family members, co-workers and neighbors as they pass through the valley of divorce. That however quite often is simply common sense in dealing with people you care about and beyond the realm of this post.
Instead I would like to comment on what I consider the most important item. That would be this: Do not to ignore your divorced friend. Many folks just slowly disappear from the lives of their friends when divorce hits their lives. It is not planned, but it happens nonetheless. An automobile accident is not planned but it happens.
They are still the same person they were before the divorce. The do not have a communicable disease. They have not all of a sudden become this monster that will destroy you. Most of us do not know what to say, so we say nothing . . . and in essence, we speak volumes. If you do not know what to say, try this:
- “Ann, I am sorry this happened.”
- “Bill, I really do care. Call me if you need a listening ear. I don’t have any advice and you probably don’t need any more, but I can still be your friend.”
- “How about we grab lunch next Friday?”
- “Would you like me to watch the kids for you one day so you can have some time alone?”
- “Hey Tom, want to play 18 holes on Thursday?”
Make up your own variation, but don’t pretend your friend is not there! What if you get together and they do not say anything about the divorce? Who cares? The point is to still be their friend not to be the person with the answers. Just be you. No one else can do that.
It is best if this is female to female and male to male. So men, reach out to your friends as well. It does not come easy for us but it is just as important. I know it may be uncomfortable for you. You think this is easy for them? Sometimes our best stuff is when we are uncomfortable and do not feel like we know what we are doing.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Poetry 30 - "During the Emotions"
Two months ago I began to share a portion of the poetry I have written over the years. The twenty-five poems/prayers written on our Sexuality I would hope to have in print and available for sharing, devotional reading, use in worship, etc. later this year. I will note that here when it happens.
This piece "During the Emotions" is the last one I will post for now. It is oddly enough, the first one I mentioned two months ago, since I first posted it over six years ago. While it was written and published sometime prior to the actual posting, it was posted here during a difficult time of reflecting which led up to a major change in ministry location and career direction. It could however speak to individuals in almost any sphere of their life where difficult struggles are taking place and emotions are running strong.
Now, six years later, I find myself at a similar place, reflecting . . . as a major change is looming on the horizon. There are some major differences this time, but the emotions are very similar. This addresses what was going on inside of me at that time, and how we wrestle with decisions many times. This piece was published in a national book of poetry and received an award for one of the top pieces in that publication. I am pleased with that award, and am pleased to share this piece again here on my site.
During The Emotions
How did
I get here?
This is not something
I planned. But
these feelings just seem to come upon me.
I never intended to have these feelings.
It is as if they sneaked up on
me.
I have always claimed - - - at least outwardly - - -
self-sufficiency. Now
these feelings come.
It wasn’t supposed to be this way.
My life is something that has been
carefully orchestrated,
planned,
structured,
orderly. But now
these feelings come.
What do they mean?
Do they mean anything?
Should they mean something?
Guidance –
that is what I need.
Advise – of that
I have plenty.
I need no more.
Frustration –
it has paid a visit,
several visits in fact.
So it is to You
I come - - - seeking
this
guidance. Because now
these feelings come.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Poetry 29 - "Homophobic (Perhaps Not Even Aware)
A Prayer for Those Who Are . . . Homophobic (Perhaps Not Even Aware)
For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there
Lord,
They say I am normal.
I feel I am normal.
I wonder what it normal.
It does not matter if I know at this point or not.
I do know this:
I have been guilty of treating another human being
in a manner which is not pleasing to You.
I do not know why I do this.
Maybe I am afraid of what I do not understand.
Remind me how Jesus treated those who were rejected by others.
Help me to be more like Jesus.
Help me to love like Jesus.
I do not have to accept what I disagree with,
but I must love the other person.
I do not have to condone actions,
but I must care for them as persons.
Help me Father to be strong where I need to be strong,
and loving where I need to be loving.
Help me to be able to know how to blend strength and love.
Help me to fully grasp and understand the difference.
Amen.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Poetry 28 - "Homosexual Desires"
A Prayer for Those Who Are . . . Struggling with Homosexual Desires
For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there
Dear God,
I am so confused.
I feel things that others do not understand.
I feel things that most may never understand.
Help me to understand.
I do not want to hurt others.
I do not want to be hurt by others.
I do not want to misunderstand.
I do not wish to be misunderstood and questioned.
Help me to not hurt so.
As much as I can heal . . .
heal me.
As much as I can change . . .
change me.
As much as I can cope . . .
help me cope.
As much as I must accept
help me accept.
This will not be easy.
I need You and Your love.
I need others and their support.
I ask for Your strength.
I ask for Your wisdom.
I ask for Your help
Amen.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Poetry 27 - "Guilt from Masturbation"
A Prayer for Those Who Are . . . Dealing with Guilt Over Masturbation
For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there
Lord,
There really is no one else I can talk to about this.
It is just too personal.
I do not know if it is wrong or not.
I feel guilt,
but I am not sure why.
It is not really a conviction for sin I am feeling.
It is more like
I am being cheated out of something.
Dear God,
I have no one with which to share
this very important part of my being.
The aloneness
afterwards
reminds me of that.
I ask for deliverance from unnecessary personal guilt.
I do confess thoughts related to this
that may be sinful.
I praise You that You created me as a sexual being
with sexual feelings.
And I ask . . . I plead
For someone with which to share this with.
Amen.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Poetry 26 - "Addicted to Pornography"
A Prayer for Those Who Are . . . Addicted to Pornography
For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there
My God,
I know that I should not allow anything to control my life
except You.
I now find I am being controlled by my thoughts
and my addiction
to materials that are not pleasing to You.
This is degrading to women,
whom You created.
This is degrading to men,
whom You created.
This is degrading to sex,
which You created.
This is degrading to me,
whom You desire to help.
Help me get the necessary help.
Help me become accountable to someone trustworthy.
Help me overcome my addiction to pornography.
Help me to learn to control my thought life better.
This is not a struggle that will be over quickly.
This is not a battle that will be easily won.
This is not a struggle
that You do not care about either.
I submit to You for the help I can get nowhere else.
I ask for the assistance
that only You and Your Spirit can grant.
Amen.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Poetry 25 - "Recovering from an Adulterous Relationship"
A Prayer for Those Who Are . . . Recovering from and Adulterous Relationship I have failed you miserably. I have had a sexual relationship with someone who is not my spouse. I know your were not surprised by my sin, but you were saddened. I have hurt my partner. I have hurt others. I have hurt You. I have hurt myself. Please forgive me. Help me to rise from this incredible failing. Help me to forgive myself. Like David, Against You I have sinned. Wash away my iniquity. Cleanse me of my sin. Restore to me the joy of my salvation. My tears are bitter. My pain is real – even if others cannot see it. You presence is just as real. I do not make light of this sin . . . but I AM picking up the pieces and moving forward. May I be sensitive to help others because of this failure of mine. Because of Jesus Christ Your Son. Amen.
For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Poetry 24 - "Virgins but Wish to be Married"
A Prayer for Those Who Are . . . Virgins and Wish to be Married Lord, This will not be understood by many. This will not be understood by most. This is simply how I feel. I am many years now an adult . . . and I am still a virgin. I will not attempt lie to You or anyone else. I am not very happy about it. This is not how I expected my life to turn out. I have kept from sex, because I believe it is wrong outside of marriage. That is why I am not happy. I wanted to be married by now and no longer a virgin. If I am not to be married, why do I struggle with these desires? I need Your help Father. This is a battle I simply cannot win alone. I know marriage will not solve all related problems. In fact, it could make some of them worse. But it is still the choice I want to make. Please grant me the grace, in whatever state You lead me. I want to trust You to do what is best with my life. Amen.
For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Poetry 23 - " Thankful to be a Virgin"
A Prayer for Those Who Are . . . Thankful for their Virginity Father in Heaven, I hold no personal pride in where my body is today. It is only by your grace that I have made it to this point. I thank You that I am still a virgin. It has not always been easy, but it has always been right. Thank You for Your strength, when mine was weak. Thank You for Your wisdom, when mine was insufficient. Thank You for Your courage, when I leaned toward cowardice. Thank You for Your forgiveness, when I wanted to succumb to the pressure. Thank You for Your grace, when that was all I had. In a day when virginity is looked down upon, I am pleased to still be one. May I only surrender mine within Your will and grace. Amen.
For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there
Friday, February 18, 2011
Poetry 22 - "Carrying a Sexually Transmitted Disease"
A Prayer for Those Who Are . . . Carrying a Sexually Transmitted Disease Oh Dear God, My worst nightmare has come true. I have a disease that can be understood by very few. It is so private, that it is known only by a few. I must share my part of the blame, but it does not stop the pain. I confess my fault, but I am hurt and disillusioned. I lift my body to You. I lift my emotions to You. I lift my spirit to You. You are the great physician. Please heal my body if it is Your will. Heal my sprit and my emotions and my mind because it is Your will. Amen.
For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Poetry 21 - "Rape Vicitms"
A Prayer for Those Who Are . . . Rape Victims Dear God, I have been violated. I have been hurt beyond description. It affects me every single day. I am depressed. I am scared. I am angry. I feel guilty, even though I know I am not. I feel to blame, even though I am innocent. I feel like damaged goods, even though I know I am not. I feel it is hopeless, even though I know it is not. I know Your love heals all wounds. Heal mine! Help me to get over this desire to get even. Help me to be kind to myself. Help me to not expect too much too soon. Help me to trust again. Help me to experience Your grace when I need it most! Amen.
For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Poetry 20 - "Abused as Children, Now Divorced"
A Prayer for Those Who Were . . . Abused as Children, and Now are Divorced Lord, The pain lingers on. I was the prey. Now I am a casualty. When I was a child, I was sexually abused by someone I trusted. The pain lingers on. Now the scars that remain have contributed to the dissolution of my marriage. I thought I could just put it all behind me. I now know I need help to do so. Once again, I feel alone. The pain lingers on. Help me deal with the pain. Grant me deliverance from the demons in my memory. I ask for a miracle in my life. For, that is what I feel it will take. That is what You can give. Amen.
For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Poetry 19 - "Aging and Sex"
A Prayer for Those Who Are . . . Struggling with Aging and Sex Dear God, I look in the mirror and realize I am not as young as I once was. I cannot run as fast or as long. Sexually, it is the same. I have the same desires, but these failures make me feel so worthless. My being is not made up entirely of sex, so why do I feel like it is? Help me accept myself where I am. Help me make change and adapt where I can and should. Help me to be patient with myself. Help my partner to be patient with me. Help me release this struggle to Your grace. Amen.
For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there
Monday, February 14, 2011
Poetry 18 - "Recovering from Date Rape"
A Prayer for Those Who Are . . . Recovering from Date Rape Precious Lord, I trusted and I cared. I went out with a person who violated me. Why do I feel guilty? I did nothing wrong. Why do others doubt me? I am the victim. Why must I suffer? Another sinned against me. Jesus, I am still unsure of what damage has been done to me I ask for Your protection from the memories, from this person, from my desire to see them pay a high price, from disease from shame. To You, I commit this dreadful deed. From You, I must draw strength. Upon You, I must lean. With You, I must walk this dark valley, for you have walked valleys of pain before. My tears remind me of the act committed against me. May I respond as You did to those who sinned against You? Amen.
For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there
