Axiom #5: Look for "God Moments"

The past week has been pretty hectic. In addition to returning from a conference to find appointments scheduled for me, and a fall planning schedule looming ahead, my oldest daughter and son-in-law sold their home and purchased another one. That required a lot of work for them, and I have wanted to assist as much as I could, so I gave them the better part of three days. I loved being able to help and wish to do more. It reminded me, however, of some times when one of my primary Axioms came into play. “Always be looking for God moments.”

The house they just sold has some great memories for me. Not nearly as many as for them of course, but a quite a few family events happened in that house. On two occasions I was leaving a meeting in their area when I knew my oldest daughter Alyssa was at home alone. If I remember correctly, both times her husband, John was out of town or maybe even out of the country. As I left my meeting that started at 8:00 am and ended at 11:00 am, I got the idea to call Alyssa and see if they would like to have lunch. It was nothing fancy, just fast food as I recall. I picked it up took it to them, and we sat at their bar and ate lunch together. On both occasions, I was so very aware that my daughter and my two grandchildren (ages 3 and 1) were so glad to see me. It was a surprise visit, and the kids were almost giddy showing me this and that, enjoying the food. Alyssa herself seemed genuinely pleased at the “adult break” in her toddler dominated day. I stayed a little less than an hour, gave them all a big hug and kiss and went on my way. On a third such occasion, while John was in Mexico on a mission endeavor, I took my mower over and mowed their lawn. She told me not to, but when I left, I knew I had done the right thing.

Each times as I drove away, I was so very keenly aware that this did not just happen. God had been directing my steps. I not only needed to see them, they needed to see me. It was clear from the time I called until the time I drove away.

In life, in ministry in general, and in leadership specifically, I have learned to be very sensitive to these “God moments.” These events you cannot anticipate; you cannot plan for; but they are clearly the REAL plans for the day. This sort of fits into my “following your gut,” but it is different. It is more than watching for events as they unfold, this is watching where God is directing and making these events happen.

Over a decade ago, I was in my office at a former ministry location with a heavy day of administrative work staring at me. Somewhere mid afternoon the receptionist called me to say, “Terry, there is a John Doe here to see you. He says it is urgent.” Now, in all honesty, I thought to myself, “NO!!! Not today. I am so behind!” But instead I said, “I will be right out.”

I will not tell you how I knew him, but we had a passing acquaintance and I knew he had just experienced a semi-traumatic event in his life. John Doe and I walked back to my office, closed the door and sat down. After a few pleasantries he looked at me and said something to this effect, “Terry, what is all this talk about trusting Jesus? Can you tell me about how this faith stuff works?”

Now . . . I am no rocket scientist, but even I could hear God screaming with the full fervor of lungs of Deity saying, “Hey Terry, THIS is your event for the day, not those papers on your desk.”

Events are not usually that dramatic for me, or for you I will wager, but you know what? They are there. When you are planning leadership events, or your days activities or team meetings or whatever . . . always leave room in the back of your mind for the God moments. It may just be what was supposed to happen in the first place.

Axiom #4: Reentry

This summer my wife and I visited the Kennedy Space Center in Florida. It was the highlight of our vacation. The experience is incredible. I was able to ride a space shuttle simulator, which an astronaut there, said was very realistic. We visited the control room for the Saturn moon shots. That in itself was a pretty emotional experience considering the history that was contained in that room. I also stood underneath a Saturn moon rocket. It is so immense you cannot fully describe it. The bottom of the rocket itself has five main propulsion points. Each one has a circumference larger than a full grown man. The circumference of the rocket itself is even larger than that, and the length is hard to describe. To think that this thing actually got off the ground boggles the mind.

Being the age I am, I recall sitting in elementary, junior high, and high school when the astronauts would return to earth. They would put several classes together and wheel a black and white TV in the room and we would watch with baited breath as the rockets cleared reentry and then landed in the Pacific Ocean. In those early years, after arriving back on earth, the men (no women flew at that time) would be in isolation for a period of time. I do not recall how long exactly, but I remember they could not be with their wives or children until a “decontamination period” had expired and they were medically cleared. Things have indeed changed.

This morning I am preparing to leave to fly home. I will stop by my office simply because it is directly on my route home. I will then take the weekend to be at home and assist my daughter and son-in-law with their packing in preparation for a move into their new home. Monday I will return to my office and head into a full work week.

My work schedule next week, at least early on, is light. That is intentional. I planned it that way. I always plan it that way. I call it “reentry.” After I out of the office for a period of time, be it vacation or conference, I do not go back in a full steam of meetings. I used to. I was superman. I could handle it. And I did . . . albeit, at a price.

The temptation is to do just the opposite of what I did. After all you have been gone, so you have to hit it hard. You have to set up lots of work meetings so you can get lots of work done. Do you?

Over the years, I have learned that the first couple of days back to work everyone will want a piece of you. There will be questions they have held back until you retuned. Mail will be on your desk. Email will need attended (even if you have tried to keep up). All of this will wear on you if you set up to many meetings.

After a time away from the office, I think reentry for a leader means he or she must leave the first couple of days as open as possible. They need to be available for those they lead while they are catching up on the administration that comes with the sitting in the leader’s chair.

I tell my staff exactly that. I tell them what I am doing and why. I encourage them to likewise plan their reentry when they have been off work. Health is a multifaceted thing. It takes balance. Now, at 55 years of age I have learned that phone booths, or revolving doors, will not put a cape on my back.

Axiom #3 - Servants are Equals

I am writing this from my hotel in Washington, DC. I am here for a conference. It is a nice hotel. I am staying at a Marriott. It has a nice gym, good restaurants, great service, and nice amenities. They even gave me a welcome gift bag with chocolates just for being a Rewards Member! I am living large!

Each morning, after my shower, I head down to the day’s meetings. I will on occasion make a stop in the room throughout the day, but for the most part, I am gone all day. When I return my bed is made, the rest room is cleaned, the coffee supply is refreshed, there are two new bottles of water for me, and the place is generally spruced up quite nicely. That does not happen by accident. Someone actually DOES this work. Years ago, I took this for granted. Well, maybe that is too strong of language. I did not take it for granted, but I did not go the extra mile in being grateful.

Sometime in the early 1990’s my wife was reading an article in one of those “women’s magazines” when she looked up and said to me something to this effect, “Now here is an interesting comment. It says we tip the folks who serve us our food but we do not tip the people who clean our hotel rooms and that is wrong.” We chatted a few moments about that, but I changed my behavior that day. I realized the truth of that statement. I tip the person who brings my food, why should I not tip the person who cleans my bathroom and makes my bed?

I travel 4-6 times a year for work. Our family will stay in hotel 3-4 times a year for vacations and trips. We always do the same thing. Each morning before we leave we take a piece of paper and on it we will write, “Tip for Housekeeping.” We then leave some money for the room service person. I do not have to. It is not required. It is not in the contract with the hotel. But we do it. And we gladly do it. If I do not have the correct amount of cash, I will make up for it the next day. I do it on a daily basis and not at the end of my stay, just in case the staff is different.

Do not think they do not notice and know who you are. On more than one occasion, they have stopped me and said, “Thank you very much for the tips.” It actually happened just this morning.

Now, why would I tell you that? If you think it is to brag, please click the small “x” at the top right hand of the screen. You do not get it at all. I do it because, in my mind, the BIGGEST revealer of a person’s character is how they treat those who serve them. If you are rude and inconsiderate to those you deem as beneath you, it tells me how you will treat peers and superiors given the opportunity.

While in college I spent time in the service industry. I waited tables and did other jobs that were service jobs. (In many ways, I still am in the service industry I guess.) I believe that people do food service jobs or are hotel housekeeping personnel for a reason. Life usually forces then into it. I would wager that no one responded to the question, “Now what do you want to be when you grow up?” with, “I want to clean toilets for non family members for minimum wage.” Or, “I want to serve food to griping, demanding and ungrateful people for less than minimum wage, so they can give me a tip.”

I think most people who do these jobs are forced into it. I think most are single mothers, or students, or moms who are trying to make a little extra to keep the family afloat.

While still living in Chattanooga, TN I had many occasion to go to dinner with the members of the Single Adult Ministry I led. One such occasion, we had a woman with us whom I will call Valerie. Valerie’s treatment of our food server was deplorable at best. She was demanding. She was rude. She was inconsiderate. Valerie was every server’s nightmare. My wife told me she had witnessed this before, but it was my first time to see it. It just so happens, I was paying the entire bill for the group. There were about 10 of us. When I signed the slip with my payment I wrote these words on it,

“Please forgive me of the behavior of my rude inconsiderate friend. I am ashamed of her behavior. The way she treated you was just INEXCUSEABLE, and we all intend to talk to her about it. Please know that all Christians are not like this and the Jesus we follow would not approve of this. Please accept my tip as my way of expressing sorrow and making restitution to you.”

I then tipped her about 50% of our bill. I put that part about Christians in because I have had more than one server tell me they hate to have Christians come into their restaurant after church. They are cheap and demanding.” Ouch! I know that is a caricature and a generalization, but it still hurts.

We could talk about folks who shine shoes, who carry your bags, or any number of things, but we all get the point. How do were treat folks who serve us? Maybe it is your mother or father or another family member. How do you treat them? How generous are you with gratitude? How polite are you? How . . . well, you get the point. How you treat people you perceive as beneath you, is a revealer of your character. It tells everyone the kind of the person you are. When I am evaluating the folks I lead, you can bet your last dollar I am taking note when we are out to lunch.

Oh yeah, this week my room has had extra fresh water, extra coffee supplies, and in general I can tell it was given a little extra care. It was not my rationale for doing this, but it sure was nice.

Axiom #2: Don't Ignore Your Gut

In 1993 I began my doctoral studies. One of the first classes I had to take was two full days of psychological evaluation. We did private stuff, group stuff, and small group stuff. You name it. We did it. I took the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory (which looks for deviation), and who knows how many other inventories in preparation for that class. The goal was to determine if we were emotionally stable enough for that terminal degree. I passed, just in case you are wondering.

That class gave me my first extensive exposure to the Myers-Briggs Personality Type Indicator. Since then I have taken it at least twice more. While certain traits have shifted in strength, etc. due to life situation or whatever, one of the four indicators has not altered. The “N.” I am an “intuitive.” Without going into great detail, an MBTI Intuitive not a “woman’s intuition” type of thing. It is something more basic.

As an “N” I follow my gut. It guides my best decisions. Ignoring it, leads to my worst decisions. An “N” does not necessarily make decisions based upon facts. We make it based upon our “gut.” I remember the counselor talking extensively to me about that in 1993 and thinking, “How does he know this about me. He is so right.”

Last week at the Leadership Summit we viewed a dramatization video of a local church with staff and board with dysfunctions. One of the gross characterizations was a senior leader who overplayed the “I follow my gut.” It became, intentionally, very humorous. There are extremes here, as in anything, and that is certainly not what I am talking about.

As I look back over my past years (35+ now) I can see where every time I have ignored my “gut,” I have regretted it. An “N” should not ignore facts; they just are not the primary way we make our decisions. The “gut” should make us take a closer look at the facts. Reexamine them. Run the numbers again. Ask the questions again.

A few months back I was in a very tense ministry setting. The situation had gone south, and had gone south in a hurry. I was totally unaware. As soon as I learned of it, my gut said “Do something . . . NOW!” I did. It totally corrected the situation. However, due to circumstances beyond me, the situation went south again, even further and a lot harder. When I was aware of what was taking place, my gut screamed at me, “Do something Terry . . . NOW.” I did not. I let the “facts” of the situation take over. I calculated all that was around me and talked my gut down. Within hours it had blown totally to pieces and I was caught up in the carnage. It was painful to MANY people, me included. And I was at fault for not listening to my gut.

Some of you reading this are not an “N.” You are a “facts” person. MBTI would call you an “S” or Sensor. “Just the facts m’ am, just the facts.” But, there are times, even with you, when something stinks, and it stinks bad! You read the situation and cannot for the life of you, factually, figure out what is wrong. But there is something screaming at you to ignore that facts and act. Call it a check in your spirit, call it the leadership of the Holy Spirit, call it whatever you will, but you know when it is taking place.

Do not ignore those times. In business they say “If a deal sounds too good to be true, it probably is.” Well, in life and leadership, the same applies. If something does not seem right, it probably is not. If you are and “S” and need facts, get them. Do the work you need to be comfortable with your decision but do not ignore the screaming in your gut telling you to either act, or stop from acting. If you are anything like me at all, and you ignore it, you will indeed regret it.

Axiom #1: "Don't do it because you have to . . ."

This first Axiom, comes from my discussions with a former ministry colleague Marlaena Cochran. Since this first axiom came out of a meeting with Marlaena, I want to give her credit.

She was talking to me regarding a ministry decision she was needing to make. The exact particulars of that decision elude me just now, but I am sure she could tell you what they were. I do recall this, however. She mentioned to me, "Terry, I think I have to do this." I said in response, "Do not do it because you have to. Do it because you cannot not do it."

I am not really sure where that came from, except from my previous life experience.

Think with me a bit about that statement. There are many things that we feel we "have" to do. But as the NFL referees often say, "Upon further review . . ." We really do not have to do it. I think it is true that we can convince ourselves there is something in a leadership setting that must be taken care of by us when in reality it is our desire leading us.

When I said "Do it because you cannot not do it," I think I am getting at something a bit more serious. I think this is the "next level." This is more than feeling you have to do it, it is not being able to talk yourself out of it. It is like a grinding in your spirit, or sandpaper in your soul. It will not go away.

A few years back I was struggling with a major ministry decision. I tried every way I could to find a way out. It was a difficult struggle. I recall pursuing every angle possible with this. It finally became clear to me what I was going to do, when I realized I simply could not not do it.

Let me be clear. I am not talking about things that are wrong or abusive or out of line in any respect. I am talking about leadership or ministry decisions that gnaw at your gut. It may be a move in ministry. It may be an alteration in methodology. It could be a personnel move. Whatever the issue is, there simply is no way you cannot follow through.

You do not "have to." You "cannot not do it."

Axioms: Introduction

A year ago while attending the Leadership Summit, I heard a talk by Bill Hybels where he referenced his latest book "Axiom." In it Hybels writes about his leadership proverbs, sort of principles that guide his leadership.

While standing in the hallway afterwards I was talking to a couple of ministry associates about that talk and the book connected with it. One of them said, "Terry, instead of just reading about axioms, you should write your own Axioms. You have as many proverbs of that sort as anyone I know." The other responded, "I agree and I know exactly what your first one should be."

A bit surprised, I took note, but allowed the business of life to get in the way. Well, now a year later, I am going to begin the process on this site. Let's see how it goes.