Praying With My Grandmother

Seldom do we have a life impacting experience. Events that could be called seminal would be even less frequent. This past summer I surely had one.

December 26, 2012, my paternal grandmother will turn 96 years of age. Her name is Dora Canup Mann. It is pretty astounding for me to even think about that. Long life has not been the hallmark of my family. My mother died at 41 and my father at 67. All of my other grandparents died at a relatively young age. So to be able to talk to my grandmother achieving this age is pretty amazing. (She is an astounding woman on multiple levels by anyone’s account, but that is the stuff for another entry.)

I have lived in a separate state from my family for over 35 years, so spending time with them is a rarity. This past summer while on vacation, I was able to visit her as usually try to do. This one was different than any visit in the past. I owe that in part to my cousin Beverly. She, along with a several other family members, has been one of the care givers for my grandmother. This gives her some very good insights into what makes my grandmother tick. Beverly commented to me about how important it was for her to be touched and held. (I am reminded that this is actually true for most elderly folks.) As she was talking I realized, to my dismay, I had not done that nearly enough with my grandmother.

When visiting her later that evening, she was not feeling well and was in her bed. She sat up when I came in and I sat beside her. I then reached over and held her hand and just slowly stroked her hand and her arm as we talked. This lasted for half an hour to 45 minutes. My wife Kay and grandson Gavin were in the room for a while, but after a few moments they excused themselves. It was far and away the most intimate experiences I have had with this very important woman in my life.

When it was time to leave, I said something that astounds and shames me even today that I have never done it before. I asked her if we could pray together. We placed ourselves where our faces were touching and I prayed aloud. I do not recall everything I prayed for, but it was for our family, for all of my cousins and their children, for my uncles, and so on. I then prayed for her. I prayed for God to look out for her. I thanked God for caring for her through others. I prayed for God to care for her as long as he allowed her to be with us. I thanked God for my grandmother and the impact she has had upon my life. She then began to pray as well. She prayed for, me and my family. She prayed for our safe travel home. She thanked God that a grandson of hers was in ministry, something that was very important to her I could tell. The experience was so moving to me that tears well up in my eyes as I write this some four months later.

The next day I returned to see her again before I left town. Gavin came with me. He played with some children of my cousin Ed, who lives with her, while I spent time with my Grandmother alone. She was still not feeling well and was lying in her bed. I knelt beside her bed. I placed my face close to hers. For the next half an hour we just talked while I gently stroked her arm. I do not remember exactly what we talked about. It really does not matter. We were together.

When it was time to leave, while I was still kneeling beside her as she lay in her bed, we prayed together again. This time was with more ease and more passion than the previous evening. These two times of prayer are without a doubt near the top of the list of the most significant moments of prayer in my entire life. I was changed by those two days.

I owe thanks to Beverly for pointing out to me that touch was important to her. I told my wife the other night, I am not sure why I did not realize it before. Physical touch is one of my primary love languages. It is the first on Gavin’s list. It is the first on my son Richard’s list as well. I should have already known, but it took some reminding.

As important as that touch was, and is, I learned that for this woman who is by all accounts nearing the end of her days, prayer with her grandson and just getting in touch with God together was just as important. In addition to touch, prayer together is something else we now share.

A side note, it is ironic that I am writing this on December 11. This is the day that in 1999 my father died. I am the oldest grandson of her oldest son, who is no longer here. I am sure that fact is not lost upon her.

Election Season

I love that we have elections. I love the opportunity we have to vote for representatives in this country, some of whom actually turn out to be leaders. I have seldom missed an opportunity to exercise that voting privilege since I was 18 and voted in the Nixon / McGovern election. That has remained true even for me when I had to hold my nose while I voted. If you study our nation's history, you will see that "election season" has always been, shall we say, less than civil. Sometimes in the 1800's it was ugly and downright mean in ways that far surpass what we see in our era of attacking another person while remaining politically correct in our word choice.

That being said, I really dislike the 6 solid months of posturing by men/women of power seeking the one thing that men/women of power have always sought . . . more power. Issues are raised and ignored, on pretenses quite often, when in reality most often it appears it is just about getting elected.

In an attempt to view this from a theological perspective, I pose the following question  for personal pondering: Are we seeing ourselves played out before our eyes? Are we simultaneously seeing both the image of God that is in all of humanity and the depravity of humanity that comes from what sin has done to all of us on display in a very public manner?

How Times Have Changed OR Temporal Viewpoints

This summer I had the privilege of being giving the invocation and closing prayer at the Fourth of July celebration for the VFW in the town where I was pastoring. It was an honor.

While the normal events were moving, the parade, the veterans, etc. two things stood out. The high school young lady who won the annual American Heritage Award really showed how times have changed.

The first thing that stood out was that she was 100% oriental. She was attractive, did a nice job and presented herself well, but it revealed a true changing of the culture racially in America for her to receive the American Heritage Award. I am not being critical in any form. I am simply making an observation.

Her words were likewise telling. She spoke of how wonderful the country is and how you can accomplish so much her with so little to begin with. Her two primary (and only) examples: Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg. They are not any of the normal historical figures usually associated with such comments. If the first item I noticed showed a racial shift has occurred. This one shows a age or generational shift has likewise occurred.

Times have indeed changed.

The Death of Andy Griffith

Kay and I were discussing yesterday the vast amount of Internet traffic and incredible number of Facebook posts regarding the death of Andy Griffith. I have seldom seen anything like this. It got me to wondering just what was it that attracted him to the general public. He did not fit the typical actor mold. He was seldom political or out front on any contentious subject. So, why all the interest?

While Andy Griffith had multiple iterations of his acting career, including Shakespeare, outdoor theater, and a gig in comedy, he is most well-known for the roles of Sherriff Andy Taylor and Matlock. His most famous role was clearly the small town sheriff in the television series that carried his own name. If you think about it, in many ways, Matlock was an older and even wiser Taylor.

Still I ask, what drew people to him and why did folks feel the loss in such a personal level? I have tried to speak my thoughts on that question here. I know it was a part of many of our “childhood,” but I think it goes deeper.

Southern Cooking Made Genuine

I am a southerner. I was born there. It was and is in my blood. Now, I have loved living 1/3 of my life in the north. I love the people here. I love  my home here, I love my various ministries here. However, even at that, they remind me often of where I am from. I am not longer offended. I am proud of that piece of my heritage. Having grown up in North Carolina, I remember being so happy to see a program on the black and white television that was set in North Carolina, albeit a fictitious town in North Carolina. It gave us a feeling of credibility I guess.

Andy was from the south. Why is that an important part of his allure? For one thing, Andy could make fun of us southerners because he was one. He could talk about the south with sincerity, because he was part of it. There have been many actors who have played southerners, but deep down the southerners did not really respect it. It was sort of like Amos and Andy pretending to be African American to us. African Americans did not take them seriously, because they were not black.

Andy poked fun at the folks in the south and our way of doing thing and did so in a way that was not offensive, because he was part of it. It was in his blood as well as ours.

Loving and Challenging Acceptance

I think the real genius of Andy Griffith’s characters lie here. He accepted peoples where they were and as they were but was not content to leave them that way.

It did not matter if it was Otis, or Floyd, or Barney, or Gomer, or Goober, or Opie, or Helen or Aunt Bea, Andy accepted them for who they were and what they were. His character may not have approved of the other character’s behavior (e.g. Otis and his alcoholism) but he loved and accepted them. At the same time, there was this challenge to move and live beyond whatever it was that needed addressing. It may have been oh so subtle, but it was there.

This is an important lesson to me. As a Christian minister, is that not how I should behave? Shouldn’t I accept people where they were, but not be content for them to remain there? Is that not what Jesus does for me? He accepts me as I am, but he is not content to leave me as I am.

If I learn no other lesson from the character that was Andy Taylor, that would be enough. Enough indeed.

Scarecrows and PC

These Federal "Reports and Continuations" are killing me time wise, but we all need  break time and again.

Last weekend, The Wizard of Oz was on the tube so Gavin and I sat and watched a bit of it. We own it, but it still  captures you in the story. I noticed something on the TV edited version we were watching. In the original  movie there are a couple scenes where the Scarecrow is caring a handgun. It is while they are headed to get the broom of the wicked witch. He was obviously not very good with it since no one is hurt except him! He is totally dismembered and has to be rebuilt. On the TV version we saw, those portions were edited out. Gavin and I both looked  for them to joke about it. (Please, no lectures on handguns. He and I have talked at length about this subject.)

That got me to thinking, does editing out portions of old movies you do not agree with make revisionist history? Are we changing something that "was"  because in our day things are totally different? Did you hear the uproar resurface last week during the Titanic's 100th anniversary regarding the wealthy getting on lifeboats and the poor (steerage) not? I am not agreeing with this, but in the early 1900's the world worshiped the wealthy much like we do celebrities today, thus making it: "Well, of course they get on the lifeboat," in the minds of some.

This  plays into our reading of Scripture as well.  I am doing a message series in my church on the Book of Ruth and the world was just different then. Not better, just different. We have to be careful not to "revise" what we read into what we think it should mean. This is especially true when applying principles from these passages.

Let's not be too quick to judge folks who lived before us because we are "more enlightened," or have more facts. If the Lord does not call everyone out of the pool, in less time than we care to admit, we will be the ones folks are looking back on and having our behavior judged by another standard.

Generosity and a 9-year Old

Gavin (my 9-year old grandson) has a heart that is very pure when it comes to caring for others in need. He comes home quite often and asks us to pray for a friend at school who has fallen, has hurt himself, has a family member who is sick, and many other things. He will share details about why this is important to him and why it impacts the individual. He has prayed with us many times for our friends in Tennessee whose 28 year old daughter is having surgery for a brain tumor. He has never even met Katie! No doubt he care partly because he has seen it modeled for him, but at times it goes beyond that.

Let me give you a case. In Gavin's room he has three glass jars. They are labeled "Spending" "Saving" and "Giving." Each week he takes his $2 allowance and places $1.50 in spending, .25 in saving and .25 in giving. We have done this for years with him. (Kay and I both actually wish we had been better at this with our three adult children.)  In any event, he has witnessed us, and heard us talk about giving of our income to ministries, our church, the less fortunate, and overseas. (We support three children through World Vision in Africa.) There are some weeks, many in fact, where Gavin has said, "I want to put all my money in giving." He has earned extra money for report cards, etc. and portions have gone into the "giving jar."

Now back to my case. Some time back (over a year I imagine) Gavin began talking about the advertisements on TV for the children at St. Jude Research Hospital in Memphis. He said to us once, "They have a different kind of cancer than you had Annmomma, and they are just kids!"

This concern for those kids continued until he came to us last fall and said he wanted to take the money from him "giving jar" and send it to St. Jude to help the children there. How do you say "No" to a pure generous heart like that? He and I counted his money out, and went to purchase a money order with his money for $55.00. (Think how long it took him to save that $55.00 even adding in extra at times.)

I had him write a letter to St. Jude, in his hand writing, explaining why he gave this money. I wrote a cover letter giving them the information. He signed his money order; we put it in an envelope and away it went to Memphis. I wondered if we would hear anything.

I learned that St. Jude did not know what to do with this gift and its donor.

In late December I received a letter, mailed to ME from St. Jude. It was thanking me for my gift to St. Jude in honor of Gavin Mann. They totally missed what had happened.  I did not give it . . . Gavin did. (I also think they missed a golden fund raising opportunity, but that is another subject entirely!)

Now, I have not told Gavin the results of this event since we mailed it. I did tell him we received a thank you letter and he was pleased, but unfazed by it. He gave from a sincere and a pure heart out of his ability to someone in need that was laid on his heart.

I have to admit, I was, and am, challenged by the purity of his heart and the generosity displayed by this 9-year old boy. I was, and am, convicted of my need to care more for others. I imagine you are also.

Joe Paterno and My Faith

This week will be the funeral service for Joe Paterno. I have kept pretty quiet about this entire series of events over the past fall, but finally feel it is time to state some of my opinions, for me if for no one else.

Let me begin with a few disclaimers. First of all, I am not and have never been a Penn State fan. I am originally from North Carolina, so I hold no particular allegiance there. The truth be told, I actually dislike Penn State from an athletic perspective. I have always however had great respect for Joe Paterno as a person. I have admired him from afar. I say that because I have no particular axe to grind here in relation to the school.

Secondly, and I say this in spite of the sports writer pundits who keep saying, “It is about the kids who were molested.” Let’s not forget the kids. Yeah, and let’s not forget the ratings either.

I am not in any way putting down the impact of what happened to those kids. Lest you doubt those words and say, “You cannot understand what it is like to be sexually molested by an adult.” Well, actually, yes I can. You see, I myself and a victim of sexual abuse. I experienced this when I was a young adolescent, so I know full well what that feels like to be in a position where an adult abuses you and you feel powerless to say or do or feel anything. So you do not say, or do or feel anything.

I am not an impartial observer when it comes to this issue. I know it is horrific beyond words. It is indefensible and should never ever ever occur. But it does. As bad as it is, it is not unforgivable. I myself had to forgive those who were responsible for my abuse when as an adult I came to grips with what had happened. I confronted one of the responsible parties in order to state that forgiveness. This entire incident has caused me to relive some of those moments in my mind, and be hurt again, but I released the anger years ago and have never picked it back up.

Back to my thoughts on the Joe Paterno situation. The day this entire episode broke, I told some co-workers that Joe would be dead within a year. This was before it was released that he had cancer. I just knew it. The job, and the people around it, was who he was. His family and the football team were all he cared about. When that was taken away, and he was terminated for a “neglect” that he himself wishes has never happened, the clock began to tick. The following week, I had the church where I serve to take some time praying for Penn State, for the coaches, for the leaders and for the young men who were molested.

I am not going to write a new exposé or bring up and angles you have not thought of before, but I want to hinge my thoughts on two questions and go from there.

Question #1: How did we get to the point that we define someone’s life by their worst moment?

I am not making light of what APPEARS to be Joe Paterno’s failure to follow up further in a situation that should have been followed up on. I have read so many articles where folks talked about his deeds and caring that were beyond selfless. He cared for others. He gave to others. He was a man of wonderful character. But for this one incident he would have received accolades in Happy Valley that would be tough to match.

It is amazing for me now that we are taking an 85 year old man’s life and summing it all up in one incident. One terrible oversight. One horrible neglect. But one out of thousands if incidents in his life.

When I look at Scripture I see people with great lives who had horrible acts of failure and then I read where God calls them righteous or even better. How does that happen? How can Abraham, Moses and David, repeat liars and murderers, be called “the friend of God,” "the most humble man on the earth," and “a man after God’s own heart?”

It is a matter of perspective . . . ours versus God’s. We view life in linear fashion. We see how a life is lived out one incident after another. We have a difficult time doing anything else. We are bound up in our temporal world. Time limits us. We have a hard time stepping back since we live in time. This makes us see the most recent items more clearly than the more distant.

God is not bound up by time. God created time. This allows God to view our life in panorama. God sees us as a child and as an adolescent as a young adult and as an older adult at the same time. God sees our entire life at once. God does not see one incident after another like we do. This perspective difference allows him to judge a life “as a whole,” and not by the latest act.

I wish we had more of that. It may allow us to see Joe Paterno’s life in more clear perspective. It would not make the incidents a decade ago any more right, or any less heinous, or resolve anyone of deserved guilt, but it would give a man’s life perspective.

Question #2: What would Jesus say about this entire situation?

This question is just as tough as the first one. Jesus had some serious words to say about anyone who harms a child. He used harming a child as an illustration of harming a child of his. The words Jesus directed at those who harm children, are arguably the harshest words to come from his mouth. He made his thoughts pretty clear on the matter.

While that is true, Jesus also spoke about faith and forgiveness always being available when it is genuinely requested. He told a man who was wicked and breathing his last breaths that he would be with him in paradise later that same day.

If Jesus were here, he would in no way make light of the horrible incidents that appear to have transpired. I also do not think he would allow us to sit in condemnation of anyone from a morally superior position, because we are not in one, no matter how much we may feel we are.

Is there a legal process to play out? Yes. Are the consequences for such horrible acts of violence? Of course. But let us be careful that we do not put ourselves in a position higher that we ought to  while this plays out.

I am very saddened by the entire sordid affair. It dredges up pain from my past, but it also reminds me of forgiveness I was able to extend and still extend today.

Kid's ID Songs

When I think of my three kids there are certain songs that sort of are their ID Song for me. In no order and for varying reasons here they are.

Alyssa - Love Shack

I learned just before her wedding that she loved this song and called it one of her favorites. I think I was surprised because it doesn't fit her normal style of music . . . whatever her normal style is! She plays a game (or used to) according to John where you turn on you radio alarm at night and you get to hear only two or three notes of a song, and she can almost always name that song he says. Her musical knowledge is pretty broad.

Richard  - Jessie's Girl and Crazy Train

This is weird one. I have to pick two. Jessie's Girl is the first song I heard Richard play on the guitar and sing around the house, after he taught himself guitar. He does not recall it, but he said, "I really like this song." We all have songs where we love the music or the beat but the message, not so much. This may be one of his. He (like Alyssa) began piano lessons when he was five, so musically they both are very broad in their abilities. At eight years old, Richard was faking out his piano teacher, but picking out the songs by ear and not reading music. She was sharp and caught on however, and forced his hand. Crazy Train is a song he listened to on the pc while doing homework and he would do the Ozzie cry right along with it!

Lori Beth - M-m-m-m Bop

Lori Beth absolutely loved Hanson when she was in elementary school. While her music tastes have changed a lot since those days, I think she still likes this song by the then boy trio. She probably even knows what they are up to now. I have attended more concerts with Lori Beth than any of my kids. We have seen Alice Cooper twice and Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers, to name a couple good ones! We even bought matching t-shirts at the Petty concert.

God's Timing and Purpose

Have you ever noticed these words in Exodus 3, “The Lord said, ‘I have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying our because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering.’”

That is pretty amazing when you slow down and realize that this suffering had been going on for hundreds of years. They had been in Egypt now for nearly 400 years. But now, when Moses is at the point of being ready to serve as the hand of God’s deliverance, God comments on seeing their misery and their suffering. God did not just now notice.  It is not as if God was taking a walk and just came back to see this taking place. God had seen it all along, but the time to act was not right . . . until now.

How do you think those folks felt who year after year after year, did not see God act to end their suffering, and actually saw it intensify?  They felt exactly as you I have would feel in the same situation. Do you ever feel like you are in year 350 out of 400 and there is no end in sight? Does it feel like God has not even noticed your “misery?”

Herein is a lesson for us. God has noticed. God does notice. God does care and God will act.

This is a major element of faith. We believe that in the end, God will perform justice. God will do right. As Abraham put it, “Will not the judge of all the earth do right?” Even when that is not the “right” we may wish it would be? God will indeed make things right. I need that reminder often it seems. I may not always like the timing and the purpose of God, but it has always proven to be right.

Community

I told the congregation where I spoke on Sunday:

"I do not think it is possible to grow spiritually apart from community. It is not just the support and the encouragement, although that is extremely important. It is the rubbing edges against people. Other people point out your growing areas.

The opposite is likewise true. If you have bad habits or some dangerous addiction you are trying to break, how important is the community you are a part of? Are you hanging around people who participate in what you are trying to cease? Your efforts are in all likelihood doomed to failure! Are you around folks who have broken free of that issue? Then, your chances of success dramatically increase."

Vacations

The summer is almost over. This has been a much better one for our family on many fronts. In spite of some tough items this summer, Kay was not having chemotherapy, so it has to be improved!

Vacations this year involved some bit of travel for us. We spent a week in the mountains of NC in June. We were able to see our son and his family several times during that trip, and our two daughters were with us, so it was very cool. We did travel about 1,750 miles that trip, but it was worth it. This past week we got back from two weeks in southwest Florida on the gulf coast in the home of some very gracious friends. We drove down and back. On the trip down we visited our son and his family again. On the return trip we were able to see my family. This involved 3,500 miles driving.

If you do the math, that adds up to over 5,000 miles in the car. We enjoy one another, but no one can talk that much! Well, maybe I could, but the family does not want to listen. What Kay and I did was listen to many podcasts I had been building up. Here are some of them:

• John Ortberg: Always worth hearing. He had a great great message on forgiveness!
• Rob Bell: I love listening to Rob. I agree most of the time, and love his communication style!
• Andy Stanley: A good communicator and one of my favorites. I usually agree with him exegetically, although not 100% since he can be rigid in his interpretations.
• Erwin McManus: Never deep exegesis, but he had one or two talks that were incredibly challenging to me this time.
• (I never listen to any other staff members at these locations. That would be a confession.)
• PTI: Yep I love Tony and Michael!
• Around the Horn: I love these sports commentaries even if they are off a lot.
• Dan Patrick Show: Entertaining, but good sports analysis
• Stuff You Should Know: I love listening to these guys. I disagree with them often, but they almost always have some great items to learn about. Gavin loves them too!
• This American Life: The program is from Chicago Public Radio. I love most of them and have sent them donations. It has the usual public radio feel to it. You know: The announcers have Barry White voices, adding extra bass. The music can be anything from bluegrass to Stairway. Usually a lot of alternative stuff with a bit too much treble in the music, but most of the musical transitions sound like they should be in a porn video! It is broken into what they call “Acts” - It almost always starts with a long story, then two medium ones and finally a short one but on occasion they switch it up.  The entire episode on Hamlet being done in a prison was wonderful! I enjoyed it immensely!

Oh . . . we also listened to a lot of music. This trip it was a lot of Jackson Browne and Alison Krauss mixed with worship music, classic rock, alternative rock and country. I am a mutt in so many ways! It rubs on my family too I think!

On 57

No. This is not a post about Heinz ketchup or Heinz 57 steak sauce. It is about something personal. This past week I turned 57 years old. It even SOUNDS ancient to me to read it. I thought I would take a few moments to write about some thoughts I had upon reaching that age.

My Perspective

Let me say first that I do not feel 57 most of the time. I am active in work and recreation. I still love screaming down hills on my bicycle. I do a pretty good job of keeping up with and being the Father figure for the 8-year-old boy who lives in our home. I actually keep up with him at Scout meetings better than a lot of Dads who are many years my junior.

The other week, there were some events that had taken place that had thrown me for a loop. I sat at the table with my chin in my hand just looking off into space, and Kay walked into the room. She looked at me and asked, “What are you thinking?” I replied, “For the very time, I just had a thought that you have had 75 – 100 times.” “What?” was her retort. I then said, “This is not what I envisioned for the eve of my 57^th birthday.” She smiled and said, “You are right, I have thought that at least 100 times.”

We then had a brief conversation where I said, “We are going to have to come to a good way to come to grips with the losses we have in front of us.  They are never going to return. We need to grieve them so we can accept what God had brought our way and move forward.”

That being said, I have no intentions of slowing down. I enjoy ministry. I enjoy life. I enjoy my family. I enjoy the relationships in my life. I enjoy having the wisdom that comes from years of mistakes and experiences. I intend to use those for quite a few years to come. I have some regrets. Don’t we all? But there is much much more I am glad for and have no regrets regarding. It has molded who I am. Much like Picard in one particular episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, if you remove one of the bad things from my life, I am not the person I am, and I am not convinced I would like the person I would become. So, at 57, I am at peace with who I am and the lot I have been given or created. Let’s see where God takes me on this journey we call “life.”

My Children

I am more aware than ever that I love my three children. I think for the most part they love me and are proud of some of the things I have been and done . . . not all . . . but some. Alyssa, Richard and Lori Beth have provided wonderful joy in my life and it is hard to believe that they are all adults and in just a little over 18 months all three will be at least 30 years old. As a father I am very proud of their accomplishments. As a father I thrilled to see them do things with all their might. As a father I marvel at their differences and similarities.

My Grandchildren

It is true that Grandchildren are a great joy in life and I have eight beautiful and handsome grandchildren. There is great joy with visits from the three who live close by. They have a good home and when they visit I love to hear them say “I love you and give me a hug!” There is also great joy in having them drive home after a visit! Read: Huge smile here!

When the four who live 500 miles away are with me I am so happy to see the joy in their faces. They are wonderful vibrant and thrilling children. I wish I could see them more often, but alas, this is the course of life. Thanks goodness for Skype and hearing them say, “I love you Granddad!” I am now experiencing what my Dad and Kay’s parents experienced when we visited them living so many miles away.

Gavin is so different. He is more than a grandchild. He is in many ways (not counting the legal ones that are ironclad) my son. I work hard to not make the same mistakes with him I made with my own three children, and there were many. I am inventing new ones though. While this is not what I planned on at this age, I cannot imagine not having him in my life and my home. Lately, he has taken to saying, “Daddad, you’re the best!” I have no idea where he got it, and I do not care! As a words person, it is salve to me heart every time he says it!

My Wife

What a blessing my life partner has been to me. Kay has endured a lot being married to me. I am no walk in the park. But she is still here. I love her and admire her for the way she handled her life threatening battle with cancer last year to emerge victorious. I have worked and am working hard to show her how much I love her. Having been married for 35 years, it is hard to believe how quickly those years have passed. She was my young beautiful bride only yesterday it seems. Sweetie, I am proud to be your husband. Thank you for having me.

Rob Bell: "Love Wins" – My Thoughts, Part Five

If it is not clear by now, I am not attempting to write a review of, or take apart the various chapters and points in Love Wins. Many others are taking on that task.

Instead, I am attempting to address what I feel is a much deeper issue. That issue is how the Evangelical community has treated Rob Bell these last few months. I mentioned this in my first post, but it has been unrelenting. I see it especially in the comment sections on otherwise good blog discussions. Folks have even taken to posting his comments leading into his sermon the week after the most vigorous attacks out of context and after making them into a video, criticize him for defending himself.

I am sorry, but when your sentence begins with “I have not read the book, but . . .” But what? You have no voice. How is this different than folks who have never read the Bible but claim it is not inspired, or contains errors, or number of other criticisms?

As I stated weeks ago, there have been times where I have physically hurt as I read viscous attacks on a man who loves and serves the same Jesus we do. To simply Tweet “Good bye” is just not Christlike by any definition. Did Jesus not say, “If they are not against me, they are for me?” I don’t think he feels as threatened by all of this as we think.

This week, as with most weeks, I listened to Rob’s sermon at Mars Hill. I heard something I have not heard before. He was not arrogant. He was not attacking. He was not defending. He was hurting. He was a man who has felt the full force of the Evangelical onslaught and it has hurt him. Being attacked by the group you are in some way a part of is the worst pain of all. He was pretty open about how he has had his “hope meter” shot through over the past weeks. Having felt that brunt my own in the past, I know whereof he speaks.

Does anyone honestly think that makes Jesus smile?  Does seeing someone hurt and attacked please him? If there is anything we all MUST agree on it is that we are to love one another. We are to love even our enemies. Has this been loving?

Why do we feel this need to talk so much about judgment to the exclusion of love and grace? Oh, we use the word “grace,” and talk about it in some sense, and put it in our communications, but do you not hear . . . even our grace conversations are tainted with judgment.

Scot McKnight, in his multi posting review of the book made one statement that really hits home. It shows he was trying to at least give Rob a fair hearing and not just write him off. Scot wrote: “I quite agree with Rob that it is an odd truth that some people, who are most concerned with having a nice afterlife, don’t much care about hell on earth in this life, don’t much care about foreshadowing where all of creation is going, here and now.   And this is wrong.  It involves a truncated purely other-worldly Gospel, which is more Gnostic than Christian.   I agree with Rob this is not the real Gospel Jesus preached.”

I prayed for Rob Bell today. I prayed for his encouragement. I prayed for folks to come along beside him to love him as Jesus would love him. I prayed that he would not feel injustice as he seeks to comment on it where he thinks he sees it.

Rob Bell: "Love Wins" – My Thoughts, Part Four

First Heaven.

Now Hell.

That is how the chapter on hell begins. Tough conversations lie ahead.

I have been fascinated with the vast amount of type space and venom that has been given on the subject of hell in this increasing online discussion (and I use the term “discussion” guardedly.) Why are we as Christians so quick to jump on this issue while matters of justice and mercy stand by and miss our eyes, ears and especially out mouths and fingers? Why do we seem so preoccupied with judgment both present and eternal?

When the Love Wins controversy broke, I put on my Twitter and Facebook accounts a statement from Scot McKnight that I really really really think we should take to heart. It was, “No one should begin to talk about hell without spending fifteen minutes in pausing prayer to consider the horror of it all.” I do not care how you define hell. I do not care how you determine people are sent there. I do not care how you determine it to be played out, for how long, and for what purpose, that statement still should give you reason to pause. But alas . . . for many, it has not slowed down their fingers on the keyboard.

“Hell” is an often used word in our culture. Stop and think about how often you hear the word in the course of a week. It is used as a swear word, a word you use to express your disgust with someone, as a descriptor of someone’s dire life circumstances (i.e. living hell”), a place where wicked go when they die, a metaphor for things just not going very well for you, and probably many other ways.  Donald Trump even used it in the last week in an interview on NBC’s Today show saying, “This country is going to hell,” and he was not talking about a destination of eternal punishment. He was talking about the financial situation of our country and the United States overall direction.

However, in the context of Christianity (and many other religions) as we know, “hell” is a theological word, with centuries of theological meaning tied to it. I am not saying I agree with that meaning, nor am I saying it is a unified meaning (it surely is not) but it has some traction in the Christian culture and in our broader culture as well. I think Rob has taken a calculated risk in this chapter and it has back fired. He knew it was a possibility, but he thought it worth the risk to move the discussion to the forefront. I think he attempted to redefine the theological word “hell.” I think he is trying to move between the “living hell” scenarios (which are just that I might add!) and the “eternal punishment” discussion seamlessly. I do not think it worked. The baggage associated to both topics is too real, too painful, and too entrenched.

So what exactly is Rob trying to do in this chapter? It seems he may be doing what he is doing in this entire book: push issues into the realm of dialogue. This is healthy. It is how weaknesses in our own arguments are exposed. When we actually listen to the other side of the story, we may begin to look at our viewpoint with a bit more of a critical eye. I do not mind the manner in which Rob puts forth questions. It is how he operates and I actually like it. This chapter is some of that on steroids.

I am not going to get into the theology of hell on this entry. I refer you to the two sites I linked on my previous post for some good discussion on that topic.

http://www.patheos.com/community/jesuscreed/2011/04/04/exploring-love-wins-4/#more-15446

http://www.patheos.com/community/bibleandculture/2011/03/27/for-whom-the-bell-tolls%E2%80%A6%E2%80%A6-chapter-three-bell%E2%80%99s-hell/

I am bypassing the theology to say, if trying to redefine hell, is his first mistake, I think this is his second. He tries to deny being a theologian. He is indeed a theologian, try as he might to deny it. Rob often says, “I am not a theologian.” I could not disagree more. You are a pastor, it comes with the territory. We (he) may not be the ivory tower, reading and writing, avoid the masses, uncaring variety, but we are theologians. We are leading, talking and discussing God and all things related to God. It is part of the calling. In discussing the topic of hell, one author said, “Your view of hell reveals your view of God.” Pause and consider that statement for a moment why don’t you? That, my friends, is the essence of theology.

As a pastor, I likewise have to wear the “theolog” garment. I may not wear it well, but for me, as with, Rob, it comes with the territory. As I think about the awful subject of hell, I have to ask myself some serious questions, even if just for the sake of discussion with myself. What if fire is a metaphor for separation from God . . . or for something else? What if folks can escape hell after a period of time? Is the gulf pictured in the parable also a metaphor, after all it IS a parable? What if . . .? What if . . .?

I am not saying I do or do not believe any of the above, I am simply asking questions. That leads to the big question: “Does it change my view of God?”

I surely hope not.

This leads to what I think is the third error. While Rob does a good job in the book “demystifying” the concept of “gehenna” in the words of Jesus, he broad brushes some topics that would take a much larger volume to fully explore. I also think he misses it or does not address some other passages on this topic. He is simply trying to cover too much territory. I understand his thinking. He knows he will stir up a stink, and he is trying to defend Biblically what he is saying.

I intend to only have one or two more post on this topic and then leave it to others. At least that is my intention now. Let me close this time by repeating Scot McKnight’s statement, “No one should begin to talk about hell without spending fifteen minutes in pausing prayer to consider the horror of it all.”

Rob Bell: "Love Wins" – My Thoughts, Part Three

My plans have changed on this. I had originally planned to write about the various chapters in Rob’s book with my comments on his comments. I intend to tone it down now and just give some passing comments. Several items have led me to this.

First, there are some pretty smart cookies who are actually discussing the book in fair honest critical terms while not attacking the man who wrote it. That is all anyone could ask for. Here are two excellent examples of writers who are doing this:

http://www.patheos.com/community/bibleandculture/

http://www.patheos.com/community/jesuscreed/

You will have to go to previous posts, but you can and should go there to read what they have written.

Secondly, the conversation is getting a bit out of hand, and I don’t want to go on ad nauseum.

Finally, my ideas are simply to add to the discussion while not engaging too deeply in the debate aspect of it.

My comments are not going to be handled in the chronology or structure of the book, but instead in the order I wish to discuss them. In the book Rob says, “First heaven, now hell.” I am going to do just that. So at least for now, I am going against my own statement.

Christians have gone for so so long, evangelical Christians especially (and I am in that camp) speaking of heaven as if it were a place to escape to. We talk as if God had given up on this world totally and we are “out of here!” On that point, we are guilty as charged. I have done it myself in the same extreme as many reading this have done, or perhaps are doing.

In following up on Rob’s questions I wonder have we really done heaven a disservice? Have we lowered heaven to where it is created in our likeness and not in God’s likeness? Have we missed the point? To coin Rob’s phrase, “Have we lost the plot?”

I think so. Let me explain it with one passage and one illustration.

At almost every funeral I have attended and certainly every one I have officiated, at some point we read the passage in John 14, “In my Father’s house are many rooms.” (It may read "dwelling places" or something else but the concept is the same. The AV “mansions” is a poor translation for today at best.) I would speculate that most folks reading this have heard exegetical comments about this passage where it  is explained how in the first century Jewish family after the formal toast for marriage and the acceptance by the bride, the groom would the spend many months “preparing a place.” In almost every case I have read, he was going to his Father’s house and building an addition, and extra room as it were, for his bride and himself, and then he would claim his bride and take her to the father’s house. The groom was doing exactly what Jesus says he is doing.

This is where we get side tracked quite often. We go into great arguments about what the rooms are like, or what he is doing in the preparation phase, or what, when or how will he return.

I think those questions miss the point. The point is that the bride will be with the groom in the father’s house. The other incidentals are not the issue. The issue is (if indeed he is speaking of heaven here, and I think he is) that we will be with Jesus in the Father’s house. The point is not where or how or when or for what purpose. The point is WHO, namely Jesus and the Father and us (however you wish to define the “us.”)

Now an illustration for “where” heaven is.

The screen (or paper) where you are reading this is a two dimensional piece. It has height and width. It has no depth. The depth is what makes our world three dimensional. It adds an element that a two dimensional world cannot grasp and cannot even see or perceive or understand.

Suppose this page you are reading is a living world. The letters on the screen are the creatures living in this world. Suppose two of the letters, say the “t” and the “e,” were to be in dialogue about another world they could not see. Does it exist? Where is it? Where are the creatures who inhabit that world? You and I as the three dimensional readers seeing and hearing them may say, “Here! I am right here.” Now try as we might we are above these creatures and they can never comprehend our world. If we could become “incarnate” and visit their world, we could try to explain to them our world in terms they would understand, but would they really get it? Probably not. They cannot. This third dimension is beyond their ability to grasp. It is outside of their realm. Try as they might, they could never understand depth. They may see traces of it if we were push our finger through the page and they would then see this world as something intersecting their world, but they could never grasp it in total. The “t” may say to the “e,” "Where is Terry this three dimensional person?" I could say, “Here! I am right here!” But they could not comprehend it because it is beyond them.

As Rob, and other have mentioned, folks who study physics and especially those who accept “String Theory,” have identified eleven separate dimensions. These include space, time, etc. and numerous dimensions in the sub-atomic world.

Here is my point. They do not even consider a “spiritual dimension.” When we die, whatever death is (James says, the “spirit” leaves the “body”) we enter the “spiritual dimension.” Forget how you get to heaven, or how many will populate it, it is without doubt at that moment (until the “New Heaven and the New Earth and the New Jerusalem”) in the spiritual dimension. How can we in our three dimensional existence ever fully comprehend this spiritual dimension? The answer is: we cannot.   

Maybe while we are asking, “WHERE is heaven?” God and those in the spiritual dimension could be saying, “Here! I am right here!” But we cannot comprehend it any more than a two dimensional creature could comprehend a three dimensional person. Their presence is so close they can touch you and intersect your world, and yet you are not aware of it. Is this partially what is happening with the “cloud of witnesses” cheering us on in Hebrews 11? Is this why we feel God as if we could touch him, and almost see him, but . . . not . . . quite?

Maybe when we talk about heaven, we are simply using the wrong language.

God has told us a lot, but we really do not fully understand it. We cannot grasp it. It is beyond our ability to understand. I for one am comfortable living in that paradox. You see, I want a God that is WAY bigger than me. I want a God that is so large I cannot get my mind around the concept. I do not want or need a God who is just about two feet taller than me. Larger than me, but still small enough I can comprehend. I want a God that is so big I cannot wrap my mind totally around him. That is the God I want to pray to, and server and worship.

Maybe when we talk about heaven, we need to change the way our brain functions, change the imagery we use, change the language we use and change the thoughts we think. Maybe, just maybe then, we can get a bit closer to really appreciating heaven and God and what awaits us.

Rob Bell: "Love Wins" – My Thoughts, Part Two

What is Rob attempting to accomplish in writing  Love Wins? While I do believe him when he says he did not see the firestorm coming, I cannot believe that he did not think some of his comments would cause a stir. He is far too intelligent for that. He may have underestimated it however. That is an error I have made myself a time or two.

This week on his weekly message at his church he came the closest I have heard him come to rebutting his attackers. In the introduction to his sermon he repeatedly thanked his congregation for their support and apologized for any distraction the media circus had caused. During the brief section of commentary he gave a litany of things he does and does not believe including denying being a Universalist, affirming resurrection, believing in miracles, and several other things that escape me at the moment. He did make one comment that drew quite an applause from his audience. He said “I also believe it is a good idea to only discuss books that you have actually read."

It is hard to disagree with that last statement.

There were warning signs in advance of the media blitz, but the intensity definitely increased with the release of the promo video via Facebook and other media outlets. To be perfectly honest, I began to anticipate the book, if for no other purpose to see what it actually said. This led me to watch many of the interviews especially the hour-long online event that was highly publicized.

Herein is my first comment/criticism of the handling of the situation. In every interview Rob consistently avoided directly answering many questions. He would say something like, “That is a great question,” then tell a story or go in another direction and usually never answer the question. I believe this was all part of the hype for the book. I also believe it is one element of how Rob operates. If you have ever listened to his messages or viewed his videos you know questions are a key element in his teaching style. I do not have a problem that. I actually have for many years done exactly the same thing and found it extremely effective in connecting with my audience. In these instances however I think Rob would have been better served to provide some clear cut direct answers to individuals with honest and sincere questions. (For persons whom simply wanted to engage in theological debate for the purpose of espousing their opinion as opposed to his, I would have simply declined.)

In Love Wins Rob forces us to look at some difficult issues. For many of those issues I fear we have simply assumed what Scripture said or assumed what we think Scripture means by what it says. Furthermore, I do not think it is a bad thing to question your beliefs even if you end up believing the same thing. In many ways that is how we come to articulate what we truly believe. I further think forcing some of this discussion is part of Rob's way of calling us to question our dualism and look anew at what it really means to be a Christian.

Beginning with my next entry I will comment on some of the statements and theological questions raised in the book. But I want to end the second introductory entry by saying that it appears to me that one of Rob's purposes with this book was to push some of these very issues to the front burner of Christian discussion. For too long we have lived with an escapist mentality and many have avoided truly engaging our culture and the problems found therein. Many of these issues we can actually do something about. In talking about heaven and hell and other topics in “here and now terms” it can help to pull the curtain back on some of that thought.

More to come . . .

Rob Bell: "Love Wins" – My Thoughts, Part One

Unless you've been living in a cave, you no doubt have heard by now some of the turmoil surrounding Rob Bell's new book. Up until this point I have chosen personally to remain distant from the fray. Now however, after having completed reading the book I would like to wade into the discussion with more than a little trepidation.

Before I do that however, I think I should give some background on my views of Rob Bell and my knowledge of him. Rob Bell is one of a select number of podcasts that I listen to weekly. It is safe to say that I have probably listened to several hundred messages by Rob. In addition I have viewed all of his Nooma videos, visited his church, seen him on tour, and read his books. I have met Rob in person on two occasions, but that does not mean we are friends or even acquaintances. What it does mean is that I have tremendous respect for him both as a person, a speaker, a pastor, and a fellow believer.

Here is what “I think I know.” I believe Rob is a passionate follower of Jesus Christ. I believe he truly cares for those who are less fortunate. I believe he honestly desires to deliver the true message of Jesus as he understands it. I believe Rob is one of the most creative persons in ministry today. I believe Rob uses that creativity to reach and speak to individuals who are hurting from any number of the events that life can throw at us.

As I write this, I have no axe to grind. Unlike many who are writing on this topic I do not see myself as the last fortress and defender of true orthodoxy. Many others would say the same but their actions and their words belie them. I wish I could say that I do not have a “dog in this fight.” But that would be untrue. I truly do care about the topics under discussion. These are vital issues, and cannot be simply swept under the rug. The church has wrestled with many of these very subjects for millennia, and I realize we are not going to settle them in the upcoming months on the Internet.

In upcoming posts I would like to share some of my thoughts on these topics in an attempt to add another voice to this important dialogue. I am actually a little fearful to post my insights because I do not see myself on the same plane as most of the others who are writing on these topics, and I have seen the venom that can be unleashed when you ask the questions that you are not supposed to ask. On the other hand, I simply cannot . . . not speak. The issues are too important and the ramifications are enormous. This first posting is simply meant to be an overview on my part.

Love Wins reads like Rob talks. As I read the book, having listened to Rob speak so many times, I can hear his voice coming off the pages. In reading his words it is apparent that Rob feels he has something important to say. I found myself asking the very same question I asked almost every other book I read. That would be, “What is the author's purpose?” What exactly are they hoping to accomplish in this work. I hope to say something on that later.

As I close this first installment I have to say that I have been greatly pained over the past 6 to 8 weeks. It has hurt – physically – to read some of the hateful comments that many Christian leaders have written. Blog writers, Christians commenting on blogs, talk shows, television hosts, and others have thrown around words like “heresy,” as if they were confetti in a ticker tape parade. I had to ask myself what was their purpose? These are harsh accusations to make on anyone, and some of these same writers would have said the same about Bonheoffer, Lewis, Barth, Schaeffer, and others I fear. The MSNBC host being arrogant, accusatory, and trying to make gray issues become black and white did not surprise me. That is who he is; it is how he gets ratings; and that is his and the network’s “shtick” as it were. But reading Christians applaud him for that appalled me!

Where has the common decent way of allowing two people to agree to disagree gone in this “Christian debate?” Just because someone does not agree with me does not make them a heretic! Just because they are throwing out questions for discussion that are uncomfortable does not make them a heretic. There are numerous ideas I had on my heresy list early in my ministry that can no longer be found there. To make matters worse, many are attacking Rob based upon what they have heard others say and not on what he actually said.

If there is anything we should all agree on it is the manner in which Jesus said we should treat another. There can be no doubt that even though we disagree on numerous topics, that the expectation from Jesus is that we would always exhibit love one for the other. It seems to me that that key element has been missing far more than we would like to admit. And I must say that Rob's character as displayed in recent weeks surpasses that of his attackers.

Did not Jesus say something about a “house divided” that may be a tiny bit applicable here? Have we lost the art of being civil? Does this only occur in print where there is no human face? Aren't we actually being cowardly, not to mention unChristlike, when we sit behind a keyboard and attack another person? If we are so hell bent (pardon the pun) on Orthodoxy, would it not be extremely orthodox, not to mention Biblical, to talk to the other person?

Now, I will not and do not agree with all of the contents of Love Wins, but there are some good words there. There are serious questions found therein that we should not ignore. The price is too high. My fear is that the good and honest questions are going to get lost in the fervor surrounding the defense of belief.

More to come . . .

You and Your Divorced Friends

As I thought about writing ideas, it dawned on me that I have never written concerning a topic that was a major force in twenty years of ministry. That would be the subject of divorce. Since I lead a ministry now that has at its primary purpose to help create healthy marriages, this topic carries a bit of irony. There is not as much irony as you would think when you know my full past. This subject came about partly because one of my younger brothers took his own life due in great part to a divorce. (I will write more on that some other time.)

I am not talking about divorce percentages in this article (which vary dramatically depending upon who you read), or divorce prevention (where much of my present ministry is involved) or even divorce recovery (although I led well over 1,500 folks through that process in ministry in two states). I am talking about the day to day relationships with people you rub shoulders with on a daily basis who are dealing with this life altering experience.

That is sad since every one of us has people cross our path regularly that are struggling with the rejection, the pain and the lack of self respect that follows a divorce. I know most us can use some basic information on how to assist friends, family members, co-workers and neighbors as they pass through the valley of divorce. That however quite often is simply common sense in dealing with people you care about and beyond the realm of this post.

Instead I would like to comment on what I consider the most important item. That would be this: Do not to ignore your divorced friend. Many folks just slowly disappear from the lives of their friends when divorce hits their lives. It is not planned, but it happens nonetheless. An automobile accident is not planned but it happens.

They are still the same person they were before the divorce. The do not have a communicable disease. They have not all of a sudden become this monster that will destroy you. Most of us do not know what to say, so we say nothing . . . and in essence, we speak volumes. If you do not know what to say, try this:

• “Ann, I am sorry this happened.”
• “Bill, I really do care. Call me if you need a listening ear. I don’t have any advice and you probably don’t need any more, but I can still be your friend.”
• “How about we grab lunch next Friday?”
• “Would you like me to watch the kids for you one day so you can have some time alone?”
• “Hey Tom, want to play 18 holes on Thursday?”

Make up your own variation, but don’t pretend your friend is not there! What if you get together and they do not say anything about the divorce? Who cares? The point is to still be their friend not to be the person with the answers. Just be you. No one else can do that.

It is best if this is female to female and male to male. So men, reach out to your friends as well. It does not come easy for us but it is just as important. I know it may be uncomfortable for you. You think this is easy for them? Sometimes our best stuff is when we are uncomfortable and do not feel like we know what we are doing.

Poetry 30 - "During the Emotions"

Two months ago I began to share a portion of the poetry I have written over the years. The twenty-five poems/prayers written on our Sexuality I would hope to have in print and available for sharing, devotional reading, use in worship, etc. later this year. I will note that here when it happens.

This piece "During the Emotions" is the last one I will post for now. It is oddly enough, the first one I mentioned two months ago, since I first posted it over six years ago. While it was written and published sometime prior to the actual posting, it was posted here during a difficult time of reflecting which led up to a major change in ministry location and career direction. It could however speak to individuals in almost any sphere of their life where difficult struggles are taking place and emotions are running strong.

Now, six years later, I find myself at a similar place, reflecting . . . as a major change is looming on the horizon. There are some major differences this time, but the emotions are very similar. This addresses what was going on inside of me at that time, and how we wrestle with decisions many times. This piece was published in a national book of poetry and received an award for one of the top pieces in that publication. I am pleased with that award, and am pleased to share this piece again here on my site.

_____________________________________________

During The Emotions

How did

I get here?

This is not something

I planned. But

these feelings just seem to come upon me.

I never intended to have these feelings.

It is as if they sneaked up on

me.

I have always claimed - - - at least outwardly - - -

self-sufficiency. Now

these feelings come.

It wasn’t supposed to be this way.

My life is something that has been

carefully orchestrated,

planned,

structured,

orderly. But now

these feelings come.

What do they mean?

Do they mean anything?

Should they mean something?

Guidance –

that is what I need.

Advise – of that

I have plenty.

I need no more.

Frustration –

it has paid a visit,

several visits in fact.

So it is to You

I come - - - seeking

this

guidance. Because now

these feelings come.

Poetry 29 - "Homophobic (Perhaps Not Even Aware)

For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there

=========================

A Prayer for

Those Who Are

. . . Homophobic (Perhaps Not Even Aware)

Lord,

They say I am normal.

I feel I am normal.

I wonder what it normal.

It does not matter if I know at this point or not.

I do know this:

I have been guilty of treating another human being

in a manner which is not pleasing to You.

I do not know why I do this.

Maybe I am afraid of what I do not understand.

Remind me how Jesus treated those who were rejected by others.

Help me to be more like Jesus.

Help me to love like Jesus.

I do not have to accept what I disagree with,

but I must love the other person.

I do not have to condone actions,

but I must care for them as persons.

Help me Father to be strong where I need to be strong,

and loving where I need to be loving.

Help me to be able to know how to blend strength and love.

Help me to fully grasp and understand the difference.

Amen.