On 57

No. This is not a post about Heinz ketchup or Heinz 57 steak sauce. It is about something personal. This past week I turned 57 years old. It even SOUNDS ancient to me to read it. I thought I would take a few moments to write about some thoughts I had upon reaching that age.

My Perspective

Let me say first that I do not feel 57 most of the time. I am active in work and recreation. I still love screaming down hills on my bicycle. I do a pretty good job of keeping up with and being the Father figure for the 8-year-old boy who lives in our home. I actually keep up with him at Scout meetings better than a lot of Dads who are many years my junior.

The other week, there were some events that had taken place that had thrown me for a loop. I sat at the table with my chin in my hand just looking off into space, and Kay walked into the room. She looked at me and asked, “What are you thinking?” I replied, “For the very time, I just had a thought that you have had 75 – 100 times.” “What?” was her retort. I then said, “This is not what I envisioned for the eve of my 57^th birthday.” She smiled and said, “You are right, I have thought that at least 100 times.”

We then had a brief conversation where I said, “We are going to have to come to a good way to come to grips with the losses we have in front of us.  They are never going to return. We need to grieve them so we can accept what God had brought our way and move forward.”

That being said, I have no intentions of slowing down. I enjoy ministry. I enjoy life. I enjoy my family. I enjoy the relationships in my life. I enjoy having the wisdom that comes from years of mistakes and experiences. I intend to use those for quite a few years to come. I have some regrets. Don’t we all? But there is much much more I am glad for and have no regrets regarding. It has molded who I am. Much like Picard in one particular episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, if you remove one of the bad things from my life, I am not the person I am, and I am not convinced I would like the person I would become. So, at 57, I am at peace with who I am and the lot I have been given or created. Let’s see where God takes me on this journey we call “life.”

My Children

I am more aware than ever that I love my three children. I think for the most part they love me and are proud of some of the things I have been and done . . . not all . . . but some. Alyssa, Richard and Lori Beth have provided wonderful joy in my life and it is hard to believe that they are all adults and in just a little over 18 months all three will be at least 30 years old. As a father I am very proud of their accomplishments. As a father I thrilled to see them do things with all their might. As a father I marvel at their differences and similarities.

My Grandchildren

It is true that Grandchildren are a great joy in life and I have eight beautiful and handsome grandchildren. There is great joy with visits from the three who live close by. They have a good home and when they visit I love to hear them say “I love you and give me a hug!” There is also great joy in having them drive home after a visit! Read: Huge smile here!

When the four who live 500 miles away are with me I am so happy to see the joy in their faces. They are wonderful vibrant and thrilling children. I wish I could see them more often, but alas, this is the course of life. Thanks goodness for Skype and hearing them say, “I love you Granddad!” I am now experiencing what my Dad and Kay’s parents experienced when we visited them living so many miles away.

Gavin is so different. He is more than a grandchild. He is in many ways (not counting the legal ones that are ironclad) my son. I work hard to not make the same mistakes with him I made with my own three children, and there were many. I am inventing new ones though. While this is not what I planned on at this age, I cannot imagine not having him in my life and my home. Lately, he has taken to saying, “Daddad, you’re the best!” I have no idea where he got it, and I do not care! As a words person, it is salve to me heart every time he says it!

My Wife

What a blessing my life partner has been to me. Kay has endured a lot being married to me. I am no walk in the park. But she is still here. I love her and admire her for the way she handled her life threatening battle with cancer last year to emerge victorious. I have worked and am working hard to show her how much I love her. Having been married for 35 years, it is hard to believe how quickly those years have passed. She was my young beautiful bride only yesterday it seems. Sweetie, I am proud to be your husband. Thank you for having me.