Internal Bleeding

The other week I was doing some remodeling work on our home. Included in the carpentry, painting, installing a drop ceiling, sub-flooring and laminate flooring was some electrical wiring. (Do not be overly impressed, my electrical skills drop off quickly under scrutiny.) This particular project required me cut and splice wiring as I installed new electrical outlets in our new pantry. As I was cutting the wires I noticed that the blade on my razor knife was dull and needed replacing. I took care of that and was eager to get back at the job with the tools in proper working order.

I climbed the ladder and began cutting and splicing numerous wires in some very tight locations. It had me in some odd contortions of my body atop the step ladder.

Don’t get ahead of me here.

While making one cut, the knife slipped after hitting a stud and sliced into the finger on my left hand laying it open about 1-1/4”. It was one of those cuts where you look at it and for a split  second think to yourself, “Oh man, I just cut myself!” (or something like that.) before the blood begins to gush out. Now I am a bit strange when it comes to cuts and stiches. I simply do not go get myself sewn up when I should. I have at least 4-5 scars on my body where I have been cut over the years and did not go to a doctor to have it looked at. I keep my tetanus up to date, so there is no issue there. I am not afraid of needles or anything; I donate blood every eight weeks and have for 40 years. It is just . . . well . . . I do not know what it is. I think the only explanation is that I am a male. Either that or I am just stupid. Either works.

All of that to say, I did not go to the doctor. I went upstairs, my wife Kay poured alcohol over it, put some anti-bacterial ointment on a bandage, wrapped me up, pulling the wound tightly together, and back to work I went to complete the job. (Hey! Kay was a nurse for 20 years. That counts for something.)

It is funny though, as I was working and thinking about the few seconds before I bleed and the many seconds afterward where I was bleeding, I began to think about people and their internal pain. How many folks do you pass daily who are bleeding? I do not mean physically, I mean they are in deep hurt over something in life that has scarred them. They were hurt deeply and the blood still seeps from the wound. They tell you about it, and it provides some relief, but it will take some time for the wound to heal, just as the cut on my finger took weeks to heal. We should be glad they are aware of the cut and the need to heal. Holidays often cause some folks to recall cuts, be it Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas or whatever. It serves as a reminder that I am bleeding and have not healed.

Then there are others. Some people are bleeding, but are unaware of it. Bleeding internally. If you ask any physician they will most likely tell you that internal bleeding is the most dangerous. It is because you are unaware that your life source is seeping from your veins into places in your body it was never meant to be. If this goes unchecked, depending upon the severity, you could bleed to death and never know what was wrong. At least external cuts, even bad ones, are visible and show there is a need for assistance.

Again, how many people do you pass daily who may be bleeding internally. Something horrible may have been done to them, but they will not admit it. Perhaps they are unaware. They are hiding it. It is internal bleeding. It is taking their life from them as it were and they are not aware it is happening because of denial or fear to face the issue, or any number of things.

Perhaps if you are a woman, when you were younger you were raped. Perhaps it was on a date. You were pressured by someone and you gave in but you were saying “No,” and it was ignored. Others have convinced you it was no big deal, but you were raped, plain and simple, and it silently affects you to this day. You may not admit it, but it is affecting your intimate relationships. It is affecting them deeply. You are bleeding internally.

Maybe when you were a child you were abused. You may have been physically or emotionally or intellectually abused.  Someone with power over you used that power in a way that hurt you deeply. It may have been that you were sexually molested. Those scars do not go away without time to process them and allow them to heal. If you do not address the violence, admit that the other person was indeed wrong, and allow yourself to heal you will continue to bleed internally affecting your self-image, your sexuality, and who can tell where all the damage will go. Your relationships will all suffer until you address the source of the bleeding.

Did someone betray you? They made promises to you and broke them. It hurt you. It hurt you deeply. It has caused you to bleed internally. No one can see it. They may have gotten off scott free as it were. But the hurt you feel is relentless. Have you looked at what happened and made a decision to not let it hold you back from what you desire any longer?

Were you neglected love and affection due you from someone as a child or as an adult? We all have those needs. When we do not receive them it can cause us to seek to fill that need in unhealthy ways. Isn’t it time to admit there is bleeding taking place and get help addressing it?

One more. Were you abused by someone spiritually? Someone in a position of spiritual power used that power, perhaps even sincerely, but they have laid such a guilt trip on you that your relationship with God is affected. It is often in the name of godliness or conviction or some other spiritual platitude. Has it corrupted your view of God? Has it made you see God as your enemy instead of a loving heavenly parent whose desire really is for your best and seeks to welcome you, love you, guide you and accept you? The bleeding internally from this can cause issues that are almost impossible to diagnose, unless you are honest with yourself and a close trusted person who can help you admit what took place.

I could go on, but you get the picture. How many of us are bleeding internally even now and are afraid or unwilling to admit it?

Maybe it is finally time to do so.