Paint by Number Dreams

I think Jackson Browne is one of the greatest lyricists in American music. He is such an incredible story teller. Take for example the picture your mind paints as you read these lyrics from Fountain of Sorrow.

Looking through some photographs I found inside a drawer
I was taken by a photograph of you
There were one or two I know that you would have liked a little more
But they didn’t show your spirit quite as true

You were turning round to see who was behind you
And I took your childish laughter by surprise
And at the moment that my camera happened to find you
There was just a trace of sorrow in your eyes

Here is another. In the song The Pretender, he speaks of finding a girl and then they will fulfill one another’s expectations. Consider . . .

I'm gonna find myself a girl

Who can show me what laughter means

And we'll fill in the missing colors

In each other's paint-by-number dreams

Isn’t that a great way to describe the expectations we bring into our marriage? We have this dream. We know exactly how it should be completed. We know what color it is, what shape it is, how it is decorated and even how we will manage it and enjoy having our expectations fulfilled. We then marry another incomplete human being and wonder why we are not happy. Why did they not live up to our expectations?

This is nothing short of a recipe for disaster is it not?

Why not take an honest look at the expectations we have placed upon our spouse. Are they realistic? Are they fair? Or are they totally unrealistic and completely unreachable? In our relationships, do we have a “paint by number dream” and are expecting someone else to simply fill it in? Or are you accepting them for who they are and then growing and improving together?

The outcomes could not be more different.