MATRIXMINISTER

Generosity and a 9-year Old

2012-02-12T22:19:00.002-05:00

Gavin (my 9-year old grandson) has a heart that is very pure when it comes to caring for others in need. He comes home quite often and asks us to pray for a friend at school who has fallen, has hurt himself, has a family member who is sick, and many other things. He will share details about why this is important to him and why it impacts the individual. He has prayed with us many times for our friends in Tennessee whose 28 year old daughter is having surgery for a brain tumor. He has never even met Katie! No doubt he care partly because he has seen it modeled for him, but at times it goes beyond that.

Let me give you a case. In Gavin's room he has three glass jars. They are labeled "Spending" "Saving" and "Giving." Each week he takes his $2 allowance and places $1.50 in spending, .25 in saving and .25 in giving. We have done this for years with him. (Kay and I both actually wish we had been better at this with our three adult children.) In any event, he has witnessed us, and heard us talk about giving of our income to ministries, our church, the less fortunate, and overseas. (We support three children through World Vision in Africa.) There are some weeks, many in fact, where Gavin has said, "I want to put all my money in giving." He has earned extra money for report cards, etc. and portions have gone into the "giving jar."

Now back to my case. Some time back (over a year I imagine) Gavin began talking about the advertisements on TV for the children at St. Jude Research Hospital in Memphis. He said to us once, "They have a different kind of cancer than you had Annmomma, and they are just kids!"

This concern for those kids continued until he came to us last fall and said he wanted to take the money from him "giving jar" and send it to St. Jude to help the children there. How do you say know to a pure generous heart like that? He and I counted his money out, and went to purchase a money order with his money for $55.00. (Think how long it took him to save that $55.00 even adding in extra at times.)

I had him writer letter to St. Jude, in his hand writing, explaining why he gave this money. I wrote a cover letter giving them them information. He signed his money order; we put it in an envelope and away it went to Memphis. I wondered if we would hear anything.

I learned that St. Jude did not know what to do with this gift and its donor.

In late December I received a letter, mailed to ME from St. Jude. It was thanking me for my gift to St. Jude in honor of Gavin Mann. They totally missed what had happened. I did not give it . . . Gavin did. (I also think they missed a golden fund raising opportunity, but that is another subject entirely!)

Now, I have not told Gavin the results of this event since we mailed it. I did tell him we received a thank you letter and he was pleased, but unfazed by it. He gave from a sincere and a pure heart out of his ability to someone in need that was laid on his heart.

I have to admit, I was, and am, challenged by the purity of his heart and the generosity displayed by this 9-year old boy. I was, and am, convicted of my need to care more for others. I imagine you are also.

Joe Paterno and My Faith

2012-01-24T17:11:00.002-05:00

This week will be the funeral service for Joe Paterno. I havekept pretty quiet about this entire series of events over the past fall, butfinally feel it is time to state some of my opinions, for me if for no oneelse.

Let me begin with a few disclaimers. First of all, I am notand have never been a Penn State fan. I am originally from North Carolina, so Ihold no particular allegiance there. The truth be told, I actually dislike PennState from an athletic perspective. I have always however had great respect forJoe Paterno as a person. I have admired him from afar. I say that because Ihave no particular axe to grind here in relation to the school.

Secondly, and I say this in spite of the sports writer punditswho keep saying, “It is about the kids who were molested.” Let’s not forget thekids. Yeah, and let’s not forget the ratings either.

I am not in any way putting down the impact of what happenedto those kids. Lest you doubt those words and say, “You cannot understand whatit is like to be sexually molested by an adult.” Well, actually, yes I can. Yousee, I myself and a victim of sexual abuse. I experienced this when I was ayoung adolescent, so I know full well what that feels like to be in a positionwhere an adult abuses you and you feel powerless to say or do or feel anything.So you do not say, or do or feel anything.

I am not an impartial observer when it comes to this issue. Iknow it is horrific beyond words. It is indefensible and should never ever everoccur. But it does. As bad as it is, it is not unforgivable. I myself had toforgive those who were responsible for my abuse when as an adult I came togrips with what had happened. I confronted one of the responsible parties inorder to state that forgiveness. This entire incident has caused me to relivesome of those moments in my mind, and be hurt again, but I released the angeryears ago and have never picked it back up.

Back to my thoughts on the Joe Paterno situation. The daythis entire episode broke, I told some co-workers that Joe would be dead withina year. This was before it was released that he had cancer. I just knew it. Thejob, and the people around it, was who he was. His family and the football teamwere all he cared about. When that was taken away, and he was terminated for a “neglect”that he himself wishes has never happened, the clock began to tick. The followingweek, I had the church where I serve to take some time praying for Penn State,for the coaches, for the leaders and for the young men who were molested.

I am not going to write a new exposé or bring up and anglesyou have not thought of before, but I want to hinge my thoughts on twoquestions and go from there.

Question #1: How did we get to the point that we definesomeone’s life by their worst moment?

I am not making light of what APPEARS to be Joe Paterno’sfailure to follow up further in a situation that should have been followed upon. I have read so many articles where folks talked about his deeds and caringthat were beyond selfless. He cared for others. He gave to others. He was a manof wonderful character. But for this one incident he would have received accoladesin Happy Valley that would be tough to match.

It is amazing for me now that we are taking an 85 year oldman’s life and summing it all up in one incident. One terrible oversight. Onehorrible neglect. But one out of thousands if incidents in his life.

When I look at Scripture I see people with great lives whohad horrible acts of failure and then I read where God calls them righteous oreven better. How does that happen? How can Abraham, Moses and David, repeat liars and murderers, be called “the friend of God,” "the most humble man on the earth," and “a man after God’s ownheart?”

It is a matter of perspective . . . ours versus God’s. Weview life in linear fashion. We see how a life is lived out one incident afteranother. We have a difficult time doing anything else. We are bound up in ourtemporal world. Time limits us. We have a hard time stepping back since we livein time. This makes us see the most recent items more clearly than the moredistant.

God is not bound up by time. God created time. This allows God to viewour life in panorama. God sees us as a child and as an adolescent as a young adult and as an older adult atthe same time. God sees our entire life at once. God does not see one incidentafter another like we do. This perspective difference allows him to judge alife “as a whole,” and not by the latest act.

I wish we had more of that. It may allow us to see Joe Paterno’slife in more clear perspective. It would not make the incidents a decade agoany more right, or any less heinous, or resolve anyone of deserved guilt, butit would give a man’s life perspective.

Question #2: What would Jesus say about this entire situation?

This question is just as tough as the first one. Jesus hadsome serious words to say about anyone who harms a child. He used harming achild as an illustration of harming a child of his. The words Jesus directed atthose who harm children, are arguably the harshest words to come from hismouth. He made his thoughts pretty clear on the matter.

While that is true, Jesus also spoke about faith andforgiveness always being available when it is genuinely requested. He told aman who was wicked and breathing his last breaths that he would be with him in paradise later that same day.

If Jesus were here, he would in no way make light of thehorrible incidents that appear to have transpired. I also do not think he wouldallow us to sit in condemnation of anyone from a morally superior position,because we are not in one, no matter how much we may feel we are.

Is there a legal process to play out? Yes. Are the consequencesfor such horrible acts of violence? Of course. But let us be careful that we donot put ourselves in a position higher that we ought to while this plays out.

I am very saddened by the entire sordid affair. It dredgesup pain from my past, but it also reminds me of forgiveness I was able toextend and still extend today.

Kid's ID Songs

2011-09-27T00:08:00.005-04:00

When I think of my three kids there are certain songs that sort of are their ID Song for me. In no order and for varying reasons here they are.

Alyssa - Love Shack

I learned just before her wedding that she loved this song and called it one of her favorites. I think I was surprised because it doesn't fit her normal style of music . . . whatever her normal style is! She plays a game (or used to) according to John where you turn on you radio alarm at night and you get to hear only two or three notes of a song, and she can almost always name that song he says. Her musical knowledge is pretty broad.

Richard - Jessie's Girl and Crazy Train

This is weird one. I have to pick two. Jessie's Girl is the first song I heard Richard play on the guitar and sing around the house, after he taught himself guitar. He does not recall it, but he said, "I really like this song." We all have songs where we love the music or the beat but the message, not so much. This may be one of his. He (like Alyssa) began piano lessons when he was five, so musically they both are very broad in their abilities. At eight years old, Richard was faking out his piano teacher, but picking out the songs by ear and not reading music. She was sharp and caught on however, and forced his hand. Crazy Train is a song he listened to on the pc while doing homework and he would do the Ozzie cry right along with it!

Lori Beth - M-m-m-m Bop

Lori Beth absolutely loved Hanson when she was in elementary school. While her music tastes have changed a lot since those days, I think she still likes this song by the then boy trio. She probably even knows what they are up to now. I have attended more concerts with Lori Beth than any of my kids. We have seen Alice Cooper twice and Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers, to name a couple good ones! We even bought matching t-shirts at the Petty concert.

God's Timing and Purpose

2011-08-29T23:54:00.003-04:00

Have you ever noticed these words in Exodus 3, “The Lord said, ‘I have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying our because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering.’”

That is pretty amazing when you slow down and realize that this suffering had been going on for hundreds of years. They had been in Egypt now for nearly 400 years. But now, when Moses is at the point of being ready to serve as the hand of God’s deliverance, God comments on seeing their misery and their suffering. God did not just now notice. It is not as if God was taking a walk and just came back to see this taking place. God had seen it all along, but the time to act was not right . . . until now.

How do you think those folks felt who year after year after year, did not see God act to end their suffering, and actually saw it intensify? They felt exactly as you I have would feel in the same situation. Do you ever feel like you are in year 350 out of 400 and there is no end in sight? Does it feel like God has not even noticed your “misery?”

Herein is a lesson for us. God has noticed. God does notice. God does care and God will act.

This is a major element of faith. We believe that in the end, God will perform justice. God will do right. As Abraham put it, “Will not the judge of all the earth do right?” Even when that is not the “right” we may wish it would be? God will indeed make things right. I need that reminder often it seems. I may not always like the timing and the purpose of God, but it has always proven to be right.

Community

2011-08-23T16:20:00.000-04:00

I told the congregation where I spoke on Sunday:

"I do not think it is possible to grow spiritually apart from community. It is not just the support and the encouragement, although that is extremely important. It is the rubbing edges against people. Other people point out your growing areas.

The opposite is likewise true. If you have bad habits or some dangerous addiction you are trying to break, how important is the community you are a part of? Are you hanging around people who participate in what you are trying to cease? Your efforts are in all likelihood doomed to failure! Are you around folks who have broken free of that issue? Then, your chances of success dramatically increase."

Vacations

2011-08-18T17:29:00.001-04:00

The summer is almost over. This has been a much better one for our family on many fronts. In spite of some tough items this summer, Kay was not having chemotherapy, so it has to be improved!

Vacations this year involved some bit of travel for us. We spent a week in the mountains of NC in June. We were able to see our son and his family several times during that trip, and our two daughters were with us, so it was very cool. We did travel about 1,750 miles that trip, but it was worth it. This past week we got back from two weeks in southwest Florida on the gulf coast in the home of some very gracious friends. We drove down and back. On the trip down we visited our son and his family again. On the return trip we were able to see my family. This involved 3,500 miles driving.

If you do the math, that adds up to over 5,000 miles in the car. We enjoy one another, but no one can talk that much! Well, maybe I could, but the family does not want to listen. What Kay and I did was listen to many podcasts I had been building up. Here are some of them:

John Ortberg: Always worth hearing. He had a great great message on forgiveness!
Rob Bell: I love listening to Rob. I agree most of the time, and love his communication style!
Andy Stanley: A good communicator and one of my favorites. I usually agree with him exegetically, although not 100% since he can be rigid in his interpretations.
Erwin McManus: Never deep exegesis, but he had one or two talks that were incredibly challenging to me this time.
(I never listen to any other staff members at these locations. That would be a confession.)
PTI: Yep I love Tony and Michael!
Around the Horn: I love these sports commentaries even if they are off a lot.
Dan Patrick Show: Entertaining, but good sports analysis
Stuff You Should Know: I love listening to these guys. I disagree with them often, but they almost always have some great items to learn about. Gavin loves them too!
This American Life: The program is from Chicago Public Radio. I love most of them and have sent them donations. It has the usual public radio feel to it. You know: The announcers have Barry White voices, adding extra bass. The music can be anything from bluegrass to Stairway. Usually a lot of alternative stuff with a bit too much treble in the music, but most of the musical transitions sound like they should be in a porn video! It is broken into what they call “Acts” - It almost always starts with a long story, then two medium ones and finally a short one but on occasion they switch it up. The entire episode on Hamlet being done in a prison was wonderful! I enjoyed it immensely!

Oh . . . we also listened to a lot of music. This trip it was a lot of Jackson Browne and Alison Krauss mixed with worship music, classic rock, alternative rock and country. I am a mutt in so many ways! It rubs on my family too I think!

On 57

2011-06-22T14:19:00.005-04:00

No. This is not a post about Heinz ketchup or Heinz 57 steak sauce. It is about something personal. This past week I turned 57 years old. It even SOUNDS ancient to me to read it. I thought I would take a few moments to write about some thoughts I had upon reaching that age.

My Perspective

Let me say first that I do not feel 57 most of the time. I am active in work and recreation. I still love screaming down hills on my bicycle. I do a pretty good job of keeping up with and being the Father figure for the 8-year-old boy who lives in our home. I actually keep up with him at Scout meetings better than a lot of Dads who are many years my junior.

The other week, there were some events that had taken place that had thrown me for a loop. I sat at the table with my chin in my hand just looking off into space, and Kay walked into the room. She looked at me and asked, “What are you thinking?” I replied, “For the very time, I just had a thought that you have had 75 – 100 times.” “What?” was her retort. I then said, “This is not what I envisioned for the eve of my 57^th birthday.” She smiled and said, “You are right, I have thought that at least 100 times.”

We then had a brief conversation where I said, “We are going to have to come to a good way to come to grips with the losses we have in front of us. They are never going to return. We need to grieve them so we can accept what God had brought our way and move forward.”

That being said, I have no intentions of slowing down. I enjoy ministry. I enjoy life. I enjoy my family. I enjoy the relationships in my life. I enjoy having the wisdom that comes from years of mistakes and experiences. I intend to use those for quite a few years to come. I have some regrets. Don’t we all? But there is much much more I am glad for and have no regrets regarding. It has molded who I am. Much like Picard in one particular episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, if you remove one of the bad things from my life, I am not the person I am, and I am not convinced I would like the person I would become. So, at 57, I am at peace with who I am and the lot I have been given or created. Let’s see where God takes me on this journey we call “life.”

My Children

I am more aware than ever that I love my three children. I think for the most part they love me and are proud of some of the things I have been and done . . . not all . . . but some. Alyssa, Richard and Lori Beth have provided wonderful joy in my life and it is hard to believe that they are all adults and in just a little over 18 months all three will be at least 30 years old. As a father I am very proud of their accomplishments. As a father I thrilled to see them do things with all their might. As a father I marvel at their differences and similarities.

My Grandchildren

It is true that Grandchildren are a great joy in life and I have eight beautiful and handsome grandchildren. There is great joy with visits from the three who live close by. They have a good home and when they visit I love to hear them say “I love you and give me a hug!” There is also great joy in having them drive home after a visit! Read: Huge smile here!

When the four who live 500 miles away are with me I am so happy to see the joy in their faces. They are wonderful vibrant and thrilling children. I wish I could see them more often, but alas, this is the course of life. Thanks goodness for Skype and hearing them say, “I love you Granddad!” I am now experiencing what my Dad and Kay’s parents experienced when we visited them living so many miles away.

Gavin is so different. He is more than a grandchild. He is in many ways (not counting the legal ones that are ironclad) my son. I work hard to not make the same mistakes with him I made with my own three children, and there were many. I am inventing new ones though. While this is not what I planned on at this age, I cannot imagine not having him in my life and my home. Lately, he has taken to saying, “Daddad, you’re the best!” I have no idea where he got it, and I do not care! As a words person, it is salve to me heart every time he says it!

My Wife

What a blessing my life partner has been to me. Kay has endured a lot being married to me. I am no walk in the park. But she is still here. I love her and admire her for the way she handled her life threatening battle with cancer last year to emerge victorious. I have worked and am working hard to show her how much I love her. Having been married for 35 years, it is hard to believe how quickly those years have passed. She was my young beautiful bride only yesterday it seems. Sweetie, I am proud to be your husband. Thank you for having me.

Rob Bell: "Love Wins" – My Thoughts, Part Five

2011-04-20T23:56:00.002-04:00

If it is not clear by now, I am not attempting to write a review of, or take apart the various chapters and points in Love Wins. Many others are taking on that task.

Instead, I am attempting to address what I feel is a much deeper issue. That issue is how the Evangelical community has treated Rob Bell these last few months. I mentioned this in my first post, but it has been unrelenting. I see it especially in the comment sections on otherwise good blog discussions. Folks have even taken to posting his comments leading into his sermon the week after the most vigorous attacks out of context and after making them into a video, criticize him for defending himself.

I am sorry, but when your sentence begins with “I have not read the book, but . . .” But what? You have no voice. How is this different than folks who have never read the Bible but claim it is not inspired, or contains errors, or number of other criticisms?

As I stated weeks ago, there have been times where I have physically hurt as I read viscous attacks on a man who loves and serves the same Jesus we do. To simply Tweet “Good bye” is just not Christlike by any definition. Did Jesus not say, “If they are not against me, they are for me?” I don’t think he feels as threatened by all of this as we think.

This week, as with most weeks, I listened to Rob’s sermon at Mars Hill. I heard something I have not heard before. He was not arrogant. He was not attacking. He was not defending. He was hurting. He was a man who has felt the full force of the Evangelical onslaught and it has hurt him. Being attacked by the group you are in some way a part of is the worst pain of all. He was pretty open about how he has had his “hope meter” shot through over the past weeks. Having felt that brunt my own in the past, I know whereof he speaks.

Does anyone honestly think that makes Jesus smile? Does seeing someone hurt and attacked please him? If there is anything we all MUST agree on it is that we are to love one another. We are to love even our enemies. Has this been loving?

Why do we feel this need to talk so much about judgment to the exclusion of love and grace? Oh, we use the word “grace,” and talk about it in some sense, and put it in our communications, but do you not hear . . . even our grace conversations are tainted with judgment.

Scot McKnight, in his multi posting review of the book made one statement that really hits home. It shows he was trying to at least give Rob a fair hearing and not just write him off. Scot wrote: “I quite agree with Rob that it is an odd truth that some people, who are most concerned with having a nice afterlife, don’t much care about hell on earth in this life, don’t much care about foreshadowing where all of creation is going, here and now. And this is wrong. It involves a truncated purely other-worldly Gospel, which is more Gnostic than Christian. I agree with Rob this is not the real Gospel Jesus preached.”

I prayed for Rob Bell today. I prayed for his encouragement. I prayed for folks to come along beside him to love him as Jesus would love him. I prayed that he would not feel injustice as he seeks to comment on it where he thinks he sees it.

Rob Bell: "Love Wins" – My Thoughts, Part Four

2011-04-10T23:02:00.003-04:00

First Heaven.

Now Hell.

That is how the chapter on hell begins. Tough conversations lie ahead.

I have been fascinated with the vast amount of type space and venom that has been given on the subject of hell in this increasing online discussion (and I use the term “discussion” guardedly.) Why are we as Christians so quick to jump on this issue while matters of justice and mercy stand by and miss our eyes, ears and especially out mouths and fingers? Why do we seem so preoccupied with judgment both present and eternal?

When the Love Wins controversy broke, I put on my Twitter and Facebook accounts a statement from Scot McKnight that I really really really think we should take to heart. It was, “No one should begin to talk about hell without spending fifteen minutes in pausing prayer to consider the horror of it all.” I do not care how you define hell. I do not care how you determine people are sent there. I do not care how you determine it to be played out, for how long, and for what purpose, that statement still should give you reason to pause. But alas . . . for many, it has not slowed down their fingers on the keyboard.

“Hell” is an often used word in our culture. Stop and think about how often you hear the word in the course of a week. It is used as a swear word, a word you use to express your disgust with someone, as a descriptor of someone’s dire life circumstances (i.e. living hell”), a place where wicked go when they die, a metaphor for things just not going very well for you, and probably many other ways. Donald Trump even used it in the last week in an interview on NBC’s Today show saying, “This country is going to hell,” and he was not talking about a destination of eternal punishment. He was talking about the financial situation of our country and the United States overall direction.

However, in the context of Christianity (and many other religions) as we know, “hell” is a theological word, with centuries of theological meaning tied to it. I am not saying I agree with that meaning, nor am I saying it is a unified meaning (it surely is not) but it has some traction in the Christian culture and in our broader culture as well. I think Rob has taken a calculated risk in this chapter and it has back fired. He knew it was a possibility, but he thought it worth the risk to move the discussion to the forefront. I think he attempted to redefine the theological word “hell.” I think he is trying to move between the “living hell” scenarios (which are just that I might add!) and the “eternal punishment” discussion seamlessly. I do not think it worked. The baggage associated to both topics is too real, too painful, and too entrenched.

So what exactly is Rob trying to do in this chapter? It seems he may be doing what he is doing in this entire book: push issues into the realm of dialogue. This is healthy. It is how weaknesses in our own arguments are exposed. When we actually listen to the other side of the story, we may begin to look at our viewpoint with a bit more of a critical eye. I do not mind the manner in which Rob puts forth questions. It is how he operates and I actually like it. This chapter is some of that on steroids.

I am not going to get into the theology of hell on this entry. I refer you to the two sites I linked on my previous post for some good discussion on that topic.

http://www.patheos.com/community/jesuscreed/2011/04/04/exploring-love-wins-4/#more-15446

http://www.patheos.com/community/bibleandculture/2011/03/27/for-whom-the-bell-tolls%E2%80%A6%E2%80%A6-chapter-three-bell%E2%80%99s-hell/

I am bypassing the theology to say, if trying to redefine hell, is his first mistake, I think this is his second. He tries to deny being a theologian. He is indeed a theologian, try as he might to deny it. Rob often says, “I am not a theologian.” I could not disagree more. You are a pastor, it comes with the territory. We (he) may not be the ivory tower, reading and writing, avoid the masses, uncaring variety, but we are theologians. We are leading, talking and discussing God and all things related to God. It is part of the calling. In discussing the topic of hell, one author said, “Your view of hell reveals your view of God.” Pause and consider that statement for a moment why don’t you? That, my friends, is the essence of theology.

As a pastor, I likewise have to wear the “theolog” garment. I may not wear it well, but for me, as with, Rob, it comes with the territory. As I think about the awful subject of hell, I have to ask myself some serious questions, even if just for the sake of discussion with myself. What if fire is a metaphor for separation from God . . . or for something else? What if folks can escape hell after a period of time? Is the gulf pictured in the parable also a metaphor, after all it IS a parable? What if . . .? What if . . .?

I am not saying I do or do not believe any of the above, I am simply asking questions. That leads to the big question: “Does it change my view of God?”

I surely hope not.

This leads to what I think is the third error. While Rob does a good job in the book “demystifying” the concept of “gehenna” in the words of Jesus, he broad brushes some topics that would take a much larger volume to fully explore. I also think he misses it or does not address some other passages on this topic. He is simply trying to cover too much territory. I understand his thinking. He knows he will stir up a stink, and he is trying to defend Biblically what he is saying.

I intend to only have one or two more post on this topic and then leave it to others. At least that is my intention now. Let me close this time by repeating Scot McKnight’s statement, “No one should begin to talk about hell without spending fifteen minutes in pausing prayer to consider the horror of it all.”

Rob Bell: "Love Wins" – My Thoughts, Part Three

2011-04-05T01:46:00.003-04:00

My plans have changed on this. I had originally planned to write about the various chapters in Rob’s book with my comments on his comments. I intend to tone it down now and just give some passing comments. Several items have led me to this.

First, there are some pretty smart cookies who are actually discussing the book in fair honest critical terms while not attacking the man who wrote it. That is all anyone could ask for. Here are two excellent examples of writers who are doing this:

http://www.patheos.com/community/bibleandculture/

http://www.patheos.com/community/jesuscreed/

You will have to go to previous posts, but you can and should go there to read what they have written.

Secondly, the conversation is getting a bit out of hand, and I don’t want to go on ad nauseum.

Finally, my ideas are simply to add to the discussion while not engaging too deeply in the debate aspect of it.

My comments are not going to be handled in the chronology or structure of the book, but instead in the order I wish to discuss them. In the book Rob says, “First heaven, now hell.” I am going to do just that. So at least for now, I am going against my own statement.

Christians have gone for so so long, evangelical Christians especially (and I am in that camp) speaking of heaven as if it were a place to escape to. We talk as if God had given up on this world totally and we are “out of here!” On that point, we are guilty as charged. I have done it myself in the same extreme as many reading this have done, or perhaps are doing.

In following up on Rob’s questions I wonder have we really done heaven a disservice? Have we lowered heaven to where it is created in our likeness and not in God’s likeness? Have we missed the point? To coin Rob’s phrase, “Have we lost the plot?”

I think so. Let me explain it with one passage and one illustration.

At almost every funeral I have attended and certainly every one I have officiated, at some point we read the passage in John 14, “In my Father’s house are many rooms.” (It may read "dwelling places" or something else but the concept is the same. The AV “mansions” is a poor translation for today at best.) I would speculate that most folks reading this have heard exegetical comments about this passage where it is explained how in the first century Jewish family after the formal toast for marriage and the acceptance by the bride, the groom would the spend many months “preparing a place.” In almost every case I have read, he was going to his Father’s house and building an addition, and extra room as it were, for his bride and himself, and then he would claim his bride and take her to the father’s house. The groom was doing exactly what Jesus says he is doing.

This is where we get side tracked quite often. We go into great arguments about what the rooms are like, or what he is doing in the preparation phase, or what, when or how will he return.

I think those questions miss the point. The point is that the bride will be with the groom in the father’s house. The other incidentals are not the issue. The issue is (if indeed he is speaking of heaven here, and I think he is) that we will be with Jesus in the Father’s house. The point is not where or how or when or for what purpose. The point is WHO, namely Jesus and the Father and us (however you wish to define the “us.”)

Now an illustration for “where” heaven is.

The screen (or paper) where you are reading this is a two dimensional piece. It has height and width. It has no depth. The depth is what makes our world three dimensional. It adds an element that a two dimensional world cannot grasp and cannot even see or perceive or understand.

Suppose this page you are reading is a living world. The letters on the screen are the creatures living in this world. Suppose two of the letters, say the “t” and the “e,” were to be in dialogue about another world they could not see. Does it exist? Where is it? Where are the creatures who inhabit that world? You and I as the three dimensional readers seeing and hearing them may say, “Here! I am right here.” Now try as we might we are above these creatures and they can never comprehend our world. If we could become “incarnate” and visit their world, we could try to explain to them our world in terms they would understand, but would they really get it? Probably not. They cannot. This third dimension is beyond their ability to grasp. It is outside of their realm. Try as they might, they could never understand depth. They may see traces of it if we were push our finger through the page and they would then see this world as something intersecting their world, but they could never grasp it in total. The “t” may say to the “e,” "Where is Terry this three dimensional person?" I could say, “Here! I am right here!” But they could not comprehend it because it is beyond them.

As Rob, and other have mentioned, folks who study physics and especially those who accept “String Theory,” have identified eleven separate dimensions. These include space, time, etc. and numerous dimensions in the sub-atomic world.

Here is my point. They do not even consider a “spiritual dimension.” When we die, whatever death is (James says, the “spirit” leaves the “body”) we enter the “spiritual dimension.” Forget how you get to heaven, or how many will populate it, it is without doubt at that moment (until the “New Heaven and the New Earth and the New Jerusalem”) in the spiritual dimension. How can we in our three dimensional existence ever fully comprehend this spiritual dimension? The answer is: we cannot.

Maybe while we are asking, “WHERE is heaven?” God and those in the spiritual dimension could be saying, “Here! I am right here!” But we cannot comprehend it any more than a two dimensional creature could comprehend a three dimensional person. Their presence is so close they can touch you and intersect your world, and yet you are not aware of it. Is this partially what is happening with the “cloud of witnesses” cheering us on in Hebrews 11? Is this why we feel God as if we could touch him, and almost see him, but . . . not . . . quite?

Maybe when we talk about heaven, we are simply using the wrong language.

God has told us a lot, but we really do not fully understand it. We cannot grasp it. It is beyond our ability to understand. I for one am comfortable living in that paradox. You see, I want a God that is WAY bigger than me. I want a God that is so large I cannot get my mind around the concept. I do not want or need a God who is just about two feet taller than me. Larger than me, but still small enough I can comprehend. I want a God that is so big I cannot wrap my mind totally around him. That is the God I want to pray to, and server and worship.

Maybe when we talk about heaven, we need to change the way our brain functions, change the imagery we use, change the language we use and change the thoughts we think. Maybe, just maybe then, we can get a bit closer to really appreciating heaven and God and what awaits us.

Rob Bell: "Love Wins" – My Thoughts, Part Two

2011-03-30T23:11:00.000-04:00

What is Rob attempting to accomplish in writing Love Wins? While I do believe him when he says he did not see the firestorm coming, I cannot believe that he did not think some of his comments would cause a stir. He is far too intelligent for that. He may have underestimated it however. That is an error I have made myself a time or two.

This week on his weekly message at his church he came the closest I have heard him come to rebutting his attackers. In the introduction to his sermon he repeatedly thanked his congregation for their support and apologized for any distraction the media circus had caused. During the brief section of commentary he gave a litany of things he does and does not believe including denying being a Universalist, affirming resurrection, believing in miracles, and several other things that escape me at the moment. He did make one comment that drew quite an applause from his audience. He said “I also believe it is a good idea to only discuss books that you have actually read."

It is hard to disagree with that last statement.

There were warning signs in advance of the media blitz, but the intensity definitely increased with the release of the promo video via Facebook and other media outlets. To be perfectly honest, I began to anticipate the book, if for no other purpose to see what it actually said. This led me to watch many of the interviews especially the hour-long online event that was highly publicized.

Herein is my first comment/criticism of the handling of the situation. In every interview Rob consistently avoided directly answering many questions. He would say something like, “That is a great question,” then tell a story or go in another direction and usually never answer the question. I believe this was all part of the hype for the book. I also believe it is one element of how Rob operates. If you have ever listened to his messages or viewed his videos you know questions are a key element in his teaching style. I do not have a problem that. I actually have for many years done exactly the same thing and found it extremely effective in connecting with my audience. In these instances however I think Rob would have been better served to provide some clear cut direct answers to individuals with honest and sincere questions. (For persons whom simply wanted to engage in theological debate for the purpose of espousing their opinion as opposed to his, I would have simply declined.)

In Love Wins Rob forces us to look at some difficult issues. For many of those issues I fear we have simply assumed what Scripture said or assumed what we think Scripture means by what it says. Furthermore, I do not think it is a bad thing to question your beliefs even if you end up believing the same thing. In many ways that is how we come to articulate what we truly believe. I further think forcing some of this discussion is part of Rob's way of calling us to question our dualism and look anew at what it really means to be a Christian.

Beginning with my next entry I will comment on some of the statements and theological questions raised in the book. But I want to end the second introductory entry by saying that it appears to me that one of Rob's purposes with this book was to push some of these very issues to the front burner of Christian discussion. For too long we have lived with an escapist mentality and many have avoided truly engaging our culture and the problems found therein. Many of these issues we can actually do something about. In talking about heaven and hell and other topics in “here and now terms” it can help to pull the curtain back on some of that thought.

More to come . . .

Rob Bell: "Love Wins" – My Thoughts, Part One

2011-03-25T15:53:00.006-04:00

Unless you've been living in a cave, you no doubt have heard by now some of the turmoil surrounding Rob Bell's new book. Up until this point I have chosen personally to remain distant from the fray. Now however, after having completed reading the book I would like to wade into the discussion with more than a little trepidation.

Before I do that however, I think I should give some background on my views of Rob Bell and my knowledge of him. Rob Bell is one of a select number of podcasts that I listen to weekly. It is safe to say that I have probably listened to several hundred messages by Rob. In addition I have viewed all of his Nooma videos, visited his church, seen him on tour, and read his books. I have met Rob in person on two occasions, but that does not mean we are friends or even acquaintances. What it does mean is that I have tremendous respect for him both as a person, a speaker, a pastor, and a fellow believer.

Here is what “I think I know.” I believe Rob is a passionate follower of Jesus Christ. I believe he truly cares for those who are less fortunate. I believe he honestly desires to deliver the true message of Jesus as he understands it. I believe Rob is one of the most creative persons in ministry today. I believe Rob uses that creativity to reach and speak to individuals who are hurting from any number of the events that life can throw at us.

As I write this, I have no axe to grind. Unlike many who are writing on this topic I do not see myself as the last fortress and defender of true orthodoxy. Many others would say the same but their actions and their words belie them. I wish I could say that I do not have a “dog in this fight.” But that would be untrue. I truly do care about the topics under discussion. These are vital issues, and cannot be simply swept under the rug. The church has wrestled with many of these very subjects for millennia, and I realize we are not going to settle them in the upcoming months on the Internet.

In upcoming posts I would like to share some of my thoughts on these topics in an attempt to add another voice to this important dialogue. I am actually a little fearful to post my insights because I do not see myself on the same plane as most of the others who are writing on these topics, and I have seen the venom that can be unleashed when you ask the questions that you are not supposed to ask. On the other hand, I simply cannot . . . not speak. The issues are too important and the ramifications are enormous. This first posting is simply meant to be an overview on my part.

Love Wins reads like Rob talks. As I read the book, having listened to Rob speak so many times, I can hear his voice coming off the pages. In reading his words it is apparent that Rob feels he has something important to say. I found myself asking the very same question I asked almost every other book I read. That would be, “What is the author's purpose?” What exactly are they hoping to accomplish in this work. I hope to say something on that later.

As I close this first installment I have to say that I have been greatly pained over the past 6 to 8 weeks. It has hurt – physically – to read some of the hateful comments that many Christian leaders have written. Blog writers, Christians commenting on blogs, talk shows, television hosts, and others have thrown around words like “heresy,” as if they were confetti in a ticker tape parade. I had to ask myself what was their purpose? These are harsh accusations to make on anyone, and some of these same writers would have said the same about Bonheoffer, Lewis, Barth, Schaeffer, and others I fear. The MSNBC host being arrogant, accusatory, and trying to make gray issues become black and white did not surprise me. That is who he is; it is how he gets ratings; and that is his and the network’s “shtick” as it were. But reading Christians applaud him for that appalled me!

Where has the common decent way of allowing two people to agree to disagree gone in this “Christian debate?” Just because someone does not agree with me does not make them a heretic! Just because they are throwing out questions for discussion that are uncomfortable does not make them a heretic. There are numerous ideas I had on my heresy list early in my ministry that can no longer be found there. To make matters worse, many are attacking Rob based upon what they have heard others say and not on what he actually said.

If there is anything we should all agree on it is the manner in which Jesus said we should treat another. There can be no doubt that even though we disagree on numerous topics, that the expectation from Jesus is that we would always exhibit love one for the other. It seems to me that that key element has been missing far more than we would like to admit. And I must say that Rob's character as displayed in recent weeks surpasses that of his attackers.

Did not Jesus say something about a “house divided” that may be a tiny bit applicable here? Have we lost the art of being civil? Does this only occur in print where there is no human face? Aren't we actually being cowardly, not to mention unChristlike, when we sit behind a keyboard and attack another person? If we are so hell bent (pardon the pun) on Orthodoxy, would it not be extremely orthodox, not to mention Biblical, to talk to the other person?

Now, I will not and do not agree with all of the contents of Love Wins, but there are some good words there. There are serious questions found therein that we should not ignore. The price is too high. My fear is that the good and honest questions are going to get lost in the fervor surrounding the defense of belief.

More to come . . .

You and Your Divorced Friends

2011-03-11T00:05:00.005-05:00

As I thought about writing ideas, it dawned on me that I have never written concerning a topic that was a major force in twenty years of ministry. That would be the subject of divorce. Since I lead a ministry now that has at its primary purpose to help create healthy marriages, this topic carries a bit of irony. There is not as much irony as you would think when you know my full past. This subject came about partly because one of my younger brothers took his own life due in great part to a divorce. (I will write more on that some other time.)

I am not talking about divorce percentages in this article (which vary dramatically depending upon who you read), or divorce prevention (where much of my present ministry is involved) or even divorce recovery (although I led well over 1,500 folks through that process in ministry in two states). I am talking about the day to day relationships with people you rub shoulders with on a daily basis who are dealing with this life altering experience.

That is sad since every one of us has people cross our path regularly that are struggling with the rejection, the pain and the lack of self respect that follows a divorce. I know most us can use some basic information on how to assist friends, family members, co-workers and neighbors as they pass through the valley of divorce. That however quite often is simply common sense in dealing with people you care about and beyond the realm of this post.

Instead I would like to comment on what I consider the most important item. That would be this: Do not to ignore your divorced friend. Many folks just slowly disappear from the lives of their friends when divorce hits their lives. It is not planned, but it happens nonetheless. An automobile accident is not planned but it happens.

They are still the same person they were before the divorce. The do not have a communicable disease. They have not all of a sudden become this monster that will destroy you. Most of us do not know what to say, so we say nothing . . . and in essence, we speak volumes. If you do not know what to say, try this:

“Ann, I am sorry this happened.”
“Bill, I really do care. Call me if you need a listening ear. I don’t have any advice and you probably don’t need any more, but I can still be your friend.”
“How about we grab lunch next Friday?”
“Would you like me to watch the kids for you one day so you can have some time alone?”
“Hey Tom, want to play 18 holes on Thursday?”

Make up your own variation, but don’t pretend your friend is not there! What if you get together and they do not say anything about the divorce? Who cares? The point is to still be their friend not to be the person with the answers. Just be you. No one else can do that.

It is best if this is female to female and male to male. So men, reach out to your friends as well. It does not come easy for us but it is just as important. I know it may be uncomfortable for you. You think this is easy for them? Sometimes our best stuff is when we are uncomfortable and do not feel like we know what we are doing.

Poetry 30 - "During the Emotions"

2011-02-26T23:11:00.005-05:00

Two months ago I began to share a portion of the poetry I have written over the years. The twenty-five poems/prayers written on our Sexuality I would hope to have in print and available for sharing, devotional reading, use in worship, etc. later this year. I will note that here when it happens.

This piece "During the Emotions" is the last one I will post for now. It is oddly enough, the first one I mentioned two months ago, since I first posted it over six years ago. While it was written and published sometime prior to the actual posting, it was posted here during a difficult time of reflecting which led up to a major change in ministry location and career direction. It could however speak to individuals in almost any sphere of their life where difficult struggles are taking place and emotions are running strong.

Now, six years later, I find myself at a similar place, reflecting . . . as a major change is looming on the horizon. There are some major differences this time, but the emotions are very similar. This addresses what was going on inside of me at that time, and how we wrestle with decisions many times. This piece was published in a national book of poetry and received an award for one of the top pieces in that publication. I am pleased with that award, and am pleased to share this piece again here on my site.

_____________________________________________

During The Emotions

How did

I get here?

This is not something

I planned. But

these feelings just seem to come upon me.

I never intended to have these feelings.

It is as if they sneaked up on

me.

I have always claimed - - - at least outwardly - - -

self-sufficiency. Now

these feelings come.

It wasn’t supposed to be this way.

My life is something that has been

carefully orchestrated,

planned,

structured,

orderly. But now

these feelings come.

What do they mean?

Do they mean anything?

Should they mean something?

Guidance –

that is what I need.

Advise – of that

I have plenty.

I need no more.

Frustration –

it has paid a visit,

several visits in fact.

So it is to You

I come - - - seeking

this

guidance. Because now

these feelings come.

Poetry 29 - "Homophobic (Perhaps Not Even Aware)

2011-02-25T23:11:00.000-05:00

Lord,

They say I am normal.

I feel I am normal.

I wonder what it normal.

It does not matter if I know at this point or not.

I do know this:

I have been guilty of treating another human being

in a manner which is not pleasing to You.

I do not know why I do this.

Maybe I am afraid of what I do not understand.

Remind me how Jesus treated those who were rejected by others.

Help me to be more like Jesus.

Help me to love like Jesus.

I do not have to accept what I disagree with,

but I must love the other person.

I do not have to condone actions,

but I must care for them as persons.

Help me Father to be strong where I need to be strong,

and loving where I need to be loving.

Help me to be able to know how to blend strength and love.

Help me to fully grasp and understand the difference.

Amen.

Poetry 28 - "Homosexual Desires"

2011-02-24T23:11:00.001-05:00

Dear God,

I am so confused.

I feel things that others do not understand.

I feel things that most may never understand.

Help me to understand.

I do not want to hurt others.

I do not want to be hurt by others.

I do not want to misunderstand.

I do not wish to be misunderstood and questioned.

Help me to not hurt so.

As much as I can heal . . .

heal me.

As much as I can change . . .

change me.

As much as I can cope . . .

help me cope.

As much as I must accept

help me accept.

This will not be easy.

I need You and Your love.

I need others and their support.

I ask for Your strength.

I ask for Your wisdom.

I ask for Your help

Amen.

Poetry 27 - "Guilt from Masturbation"

2011-02-23T23:11:00.001-05:00

Lord,

There really is no one else I can talk to about this.

It is just too personal.

I do not know if it is wrong or not.

I feel guilt,

but I am not sure why.

It is not really a conviction for sin I am feeling.

It is more like

I am being cheated out of something.

Dear God,

I have no one with which to share

this very important part of my being.

The aloneness

afterwards

reminds me of that.

I ask for deliverance from unnecessary personal guilt.

I do confess thoughts related to this

that may be sinful.

I praise You that You created me as a sexual being

with sexual feelings.

And I ask . . . I plead

For someone with which to share this with.

Amen.

Poetry 26 - "Addicted to Pornography"

2011-02-22T23:11:00.003-05:00

My God,

I know that I should not allow anything to control my life

except You.

I now find I am being controlled by my thoughts

and my addiction

to materials that are not pleasing to You.

This is degrading to women,

whom You created.

This is degrading to men,

whom You created.

This is degrading to sex,

which You created.

This is degrading to me,

whom You desire to help.

Help me get the necessary help.

Help me become accountable to someone trustworthy.

Help me overcome my addiction to pornography.

Help me to learn to control my thought life better.

This is not a struggle that will be over quickly.

This is not a battle that will be easily won.

This is not a struggle

that You do not care about either.

I submit to You for the help I can get nowhere else.

I ask for the assistance

that only You and Your Spirit can grant.

Amen.

Poetry 25 - "Recovering from an Adulterous Relationship"

2011-02-21T23:11:00.000-05:00

For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there

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A Prayer for
Those Who Are

. . . Recovering from and Adulterous Relationship

My God and my Father,

I have failed you miserably.

I have had a sexual relationship

with someone who is not my spouse.

I know your were not surprised by my sin,

but you were saddened.

I have hurt my partner.

I have hurt others.

I have hurt You.

I have hurt myself.

Please forgive me.

Help me to rise from this incredible failing.

Help me to forgive myself.

Like David,

Against You I have sinned.

Wash away my iniquity.

Cleanse me of my sin.

Restore to me the joy of my salvation.

My tears are bitter.

My pain is real – even if others cannot see it.

You presence is just as real.

I do not make light of this sin . . .

but I AM picking up the pieces and moving forward.

May I be sensitive to help others because of this failure of mine.

Because of Jesus Christ Your Son.

Amen.

Poetry 24 - "Virgins but Wish to be Married"

2011-02-20T23:11:00.001-05:00

For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there

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A Prayer for
Those Who Are

. . . Virgins and Wish to be Married

Lord,

This will not be understood by many.

This will not be understood by most.

This is simply how I feel.

I am many years now an adult . . . and I am still a virgin.

I will not attempt lie to You or anyone else.

I am not very happy about it.

This is not how I expected my life to turn out.

I have kept from sex,

because I believe it is wrong outside of marriage.

That is why I am not happy.

I wanted to be married by now and no longer a virgin.

If I am not to be married,

why do I struggle with these desires?

I need Your help Father.

This is a battle I simply cannot win alone.

I know marriage will not solve all related problems.

In fact, it could make some of them worse.

But it is still the choice I want to make.

Please grant me the grace,

in whatever state You lead me.

I want to trust You to do what is best with my life.

Amen.

Poetry 23 - " Thankful to be a Virgin"

2011-02-19T23:11:00.001-05:00

For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there

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A Prayer for
Those Who Are

. . . Thankful for their Virginity

Father in Heaven,

I hold no personal pride in where my body is today.

It is only by your grace that I have made it to this point.

I thank You that I am still a virgin.

It has not always been easy,

but it has always been right.

Thank You for Your strength,

when mine was weak.

Thank You for Your wisdom,

when mine was insufficient.

Thank You for Your courage,

when I leaned toward cowardice.

Thank You for Your forgiveness,

when I wanted to succumb to the pressure.

Thank You for Your grace,

when that was all I had.

In a day when virginity is looked down upon,

I am pleased to still be one.

May I only surrender mine within Your will and grace.

Amen.

Poetry 22 - "Carrying a Sexually Transmitted Disease"

2011-02-18T23:11:00.001-05:00

For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there

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A Prayer for
Those Who Are

. . . Carrying a Sexually Transmitted Disease

Oh
Dear God,

My worst nightmare has come true.

I have a disease that can be understood by very few.

It is so private, that it is known only by a few.

I must share my part of the blame,

but it does not stop the pain.

I confess my fault,

but I am hurt and disillusioned.

I lift my body to You.

I lift my emotions to You.

I lift my spirit to You.

You are the great physician.

Please heal my body if it is Your will.

Heal my sprit

and my emotions

and my mind

because it is Your will.

Amen.

Poetry 21 - "Rape Vicitms"

2011-02-17T23:11:00.001-05:00

For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there

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A Prayer for

Those Who Are

. . . Rape Victims

Dear God,

I have been violated.

I have been hurt beyond description.

It affects me every single day.

I am depressed.

I am scared.

I am angry.

I feel guilty,

even though I know I am not.

I feel to blame,

even though I am innocent.

I feel like damaged goods,

even though I know I am not.

I feel it is hopeless,

even though I know it is not.

I know Your love heals all wounds.

Heal mine!

Help me to get over this desire to get even.

Help me to be kind to myself.

Help me to not expect too much too soon.

Help me to trust again.

Help me to experience Your grace

when I need it most!

Amen.

Poetry 20 - "Abused as Children, Now Divorced"

2011-02-16T23:11:00.001-05:00

For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there

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A Prayer for

Those Who Were

. . . Abused as Children, and Now are Divorced

Lord,

The pain lingers on.

I was the prey.

Now I am a casualty.

When I was a child, I was sexually abused

by someone I trusted.

The pain lingers on.

Now the scars that remain

have contributed to the dissolution of my marriage.

I thought I could just put it all behind me.

I now know I need help to do so.

Once again,

I feel alone.

The pain lingers on.

Help me deal with the pain.

Grant me deliverance from the demons in my memory.

I ask for a miracle in my life.

For, that is what I feel it will take.

That is what You can give.

Amen.

Poetry 19 - "Aging and Sex"

2011-02-15T23:11:00.000-05:00

For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there

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A Prayer for

Those Who Are

. . . Struggling with Aging and Sex

Dear God,

I look in the mirror and realize

I am not as young as I once was.

I cannot run as fast

or as long.

Sexually, it is the same.

I have the same desires,

but these failures make me feel so worthless.

My being is not made up entirely of sex,

so why do I feel like it is?

Help me accept myself where I am.

Help me make change and adapt where I can

and should.

Help me to be patient with myself.

Help my partner to be patient with me.

Help me release this struggle to Your grace.

Amen.

Poetry 18 - "Recovering from Date Rape"

2011-02-14T23:11:00.002-05:00

For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there

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A Prayer for

Those Who Are

. . . Recovering from Date Rape

Precious Lord,

I trusted and I cared.

I went out with a person who violated me.

Why do I feel guilty?

I did nothing wrong.

Why do others doubt me?

I am the victim.

Why must I suffer?

Another sinned against me.

Jesus,

I am still unsure of what damage has been done to me

I ask for Your protection

from the memories,

from this person,

from my desire to see them pay a high price,

from disease

from shame.

To You, I commit this dreadful deed.

From You, I must draw strength.

Upon You, I must lean.

With You, I must walk this dark valley,

for you have walked valleys of pain before.

My tears remind me of the act committed against me.

May I respond as You did

to those who sinned against You?

Amen.

Poetry 17 - "Thought Life"

2011-02-13T23:11:00.000-05:00

For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there

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A Prayer for

Those Who Are

. . . Struggling with their Thought Life

Lord,

My mind gives me little or no rest.

Far too often

I think thoughts

I know are not pleasing to You.

This is a battle I cannot win alone.

I know my desires are normal,

but I also know

that I am invading the privacy of another

without their permission

. . . or Yours.

Help me to bring the area of my life under control.

Help me to submit to You and Your Spirit.

Help me to respect the other person.

Thank You for helping me,

even when I do not even realize it.

Amen

Poetry 16 - "Temptation"

2011-02-10T23:11:00.002-05:00

For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there

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A Prayer for

Those Who Are

. . . in a Sexually Tempting Relationship

Lord,

I love someone.

I love them in powerful fashion.

Our love is real.

Our love is strong.

The temptation is also real . . .

and strong.

The desires are pulling us in a direction that

we have no intention of going.

We have decided not to become involved sexually,

but the pressure is incredible at times.

Heavenly Father,

I ask You

for grace that is stronger than our temptation.

for confidence that our decision is correct,

for a route of escape when the way seems closed.

I recommit myself to You.

Amen.

Poetry 15 - "Considering Marriage"

2011-02-09T23:11:00.004-05:00

For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there

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A Prayer for

Those Who Are

. . . Considering Marriage

Dear Lord,

You created marriage.

You created sex.

I am now considering both

with someone for whom I care very deeply.

As sincerely as I know how,

I ask for Your blessing on this relationship.

I ask You to bless this marriage.

I desire for you to bless our sexual union.

I will be honest and open with this person,

I will share what I desire to share sexually,

and be open to sharing what I now do not.

I will give my body unashamedly

and unconditionally to this person.

I will accept their body unashamedly

and unconditionally

as a gift from them and from You.

I am willing to accept my share of the responsibility

for the learning process.

I am willing to accept my share of the joy

from the result of having learned.

Thank You Father that we are both sexual beings.

As long as we live

may we only be sexually involved with one another

because this is right, and this is pleasing to You.

Amen.

Poetry 14 - "Previously Married"

2011-02-08T23:11:00.002-05:00

For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there

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A Prayer for

Those Who Are

. . . Previously Married

Father,

I was once married,

now I am not.

I once knew sexual intimacy,

now I do not.

I once shared my total being with another

now I do not.

I grapple with this almost every day I live.

The frustration is immense.

The temptation is incredible.

The pain is very real. Dear Father

I ask for grace to deal with this pressure,

but what I would really like

is someone

with which to once again

share this most intimate part of me.

Please grant me the comfort I need

to live a life that is pleasing to You.

Place your healing balm on my soul and my body.

Amen.

Poetry 13 - "Recovering from Broken Relationship"

2011-02-07T23:11:00.002-05:00

For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there

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A Prayer for

Those Who Are

. . . Recovering from a Broken Relationship

Dear Lord,

Why do I feel attracted

to someone who is not attracted to me?

This is not the way it should be!

My heart is in knots,

please untie it.

I ask for freedom from this bondage I am living under.

Help me to grant them freedom.

May I learn to love again.

Help me to trust again.

Help us both Father to move on with our lives.

Amen.

Poetry 12 - "Struggling with Abstinence"

2011-02-06T23:11:00.001-05:00

For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there

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A Prayer for

Those Who Are

. . . Struggling with Abstinence

Dear God,

I need Your help.

I never knew temptation could be this strong.

It was so easy to tell everyone

that I will not become sexually active with another person

before I marry them.

Living it is much more difficult.

It is more difficult than I ever imagined.

Sometimes

I ask why You placed these desires within me

if I do not have someone to share them with.

I know that isn’t the right way to view it.

But it is how I feel

. . . sometimes . . . sometimes.

This is going to have to be a partnership with You.

If I am indeed going to keep THIS promise

I must have Your help.

Please Dear Father,

Grant me the strength I simply do not have.

Amen.

Poetry 11 - "Abuse Victims"

2011-02-05T23:11:00.003-05:00

For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there

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A Prayer for

Those Who Are

. . . Victims of Sexual Abuse

Oh my God,

no one knows pain like mine.

I hurt from the treatment I received in the past.

No one deserves what I received.

I feel so dirty,

so cheap,

so used.

I did nothing wrong Lord.

I am the victim.

Why must I pay this awful price?

I cannot even express how badly this hurts!

It hurts me now is relating to others.

It hurts in relating to myself.

It hurts in relating to You.

I must have your healing!

Please heal me mentally.

Please heal me physically.

Please heal me emotionally.

Please heal me spiritually.

Please heal me sexually!

Oh my Father! I know You love me!

In spite of the awful event in my life . . . You love me.

Help me to move on in my life.

Help me to grow,

to learn

to trust

to love.

Yes God, help me to learn to love.

Amen.

Poetry 10 - "Body Shame"

2011-02-04T23:11:00.002-05:00

For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there

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A Prayer for

Those Who Are

. . . Struggling with Body Shame

Lord,
I look at myself in the mirror . . .

and I cringe.

Do others see what I see?

Do I see what I see?

I am made in Your image. I do not feel like it.

Do You really love me . . . as I am?

Do You accept me?

Do I accept me?

I know I must accept me.

But I also know I should change some things.

Do I REALLY want to make changes in my appearance?

Do I have the ability to make changes?

Do You want me to make changes?

At times I seek to place the blame on others.

While others may have played a part,

this is my battle and my struggle to win.

I confess where I am weak.

I accept where I am simply me.

At times I wonder if I know the difference.

Do You wish to help me?

YES!

I release this struggle to Your grace.

I rest in Your love.

Amen.

Poetry 9 - "Used"

2011-02-02T23:11:00.002-05:00

For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there

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A Prayer for

Those Who Are

. . . Feeling Used and Abandoned

Lord it hurts.

I should have known better.

I feel like such a fool.

I gave in . . . and now . . .
I am alone.

I thought it was “right.”

I thought it would work out.

I was wrong.

I need Your forgiveness.

I need Your love.

I need Your acceptance and restoration.

I need Your strength to learn from my mistakes.

I need to release the desire for revenge.

I tried to fill an empty spot in my life.

I used the wrong thing.

I need You.

I need You more than ever.

Lord, it hurts. Please help me.

Amen.

Poetry 8 - "Theology"

2011-01-31T23:11:00.001-05:00

For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there

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A Prayer for

Those Who Are

. . . Having Trouble with Sexuality versus Theology

Father,

I thought I had all the answers.

I am learning anew that I do not.

Please help me to reconcile in my mind,

what I know about You

and what I seem to be learning about sexuality.

If something is right, help me to cling to that.

If something is wrong, help me to leave it.

If I am unsure, help me to discern.

Amen.

Poetry 7 - "Repentant"

2011-01-29T23:11:00.003-05:00

For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there

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A Prayer for

Those Who Are

. . . Repentant for Having Sinned Sexually

Dear God,

How do I say, “I’m sorry,”

and sound like I meant it? For I do.

I truly am sorry for my sin.

I feel so black,

so vile.

I have hurt someone else.

I have hurt myself.

I have hurt You.

Please remind my spirit

that there is no sin so great you will not forgive it.

You know my weakness.

You know my area of temptation.

You know I fell.

You know.

Forgive me of my sin.

Help me to have the strength that comes from above

so I will not repeat my error.

I pray to you, because Jesus died for me.

Thank you, Father.

Amen.

Poetry 6 - "Praise"

2011-01-26T23:11:00.003-05:00

For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there

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A Prayer for

Those Who Are

. . . Wanting to Praise God for their Sexuality

Father,

I read in the Psalms that we are “fearfully and wonderfully” made.

That includes my sexual identity.

I praise You that You have made me a man (woman.)

I am thankful that You have given me

the capacity to share with another

the inner depths of my physical being.

I praise You for the wonderful gift of sexual expression.

May I use that gift wisely,

and always, always be thankful for it.

Amen.

Poetry 5 - "Vulnerability"

2011-01-23T23:11:00.003-05:00

For a full explanation as to the background of these poems, go the my entry on January 16, 2011. This "link" should take you there.

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A Prayer for

Those Who Are

. . . Struggling with Vulnerability

Lord,

I hear all this talk about sex.

I have no plans for sex in the wrong place or at the wrong time.

It isn’t so much sex that scares me

as it is just being vulnerable and open to another person.

I am afraid of revealing who I am.

What if show them . . . “me,”

and they don’t like “me?”

Please Father,

Help me to learn to trust another human.

When they have earned the right

help me to share that part of me

that I should be willing to share.

Help me break the bondage I have placed myself under.

Amen.

Poetry 4 - Poems on Sexuality - Introduction

2011-01-16T23:11:00.005-05:00

Over 15 years ago I was in the final year of classes for my Doctoral work. The next year I would begin my dissertation and receive my degree in the spring of 1997. Since much of my doctorate was related to human sociological development, in one way or another, one of the final classes I took was on Human Sexuality. It was one of the more extraordinary classes I had. The professor, Dr. Harold Ivan Smith, was a prolific author and reader. He had probably read almost everything worth reading on the subject.

For the final project in the class, I decided to do a book of free verse poetry, written as more or less liturgical prayers, for individuals relating to various areas of our sexuality. I was not attempting to make any theological statements in these poems. I was simply seeking to give words to individuals who may otherwise have struggled with them. That would still be true today as I read them anew. I also think these some of prayer would serve well as liturgical elements prayed as a group collectively or broken up as responsive readings.

This is not meant to sound like anything more than factual information, but Dr. Smith gave me an A+ in both the class and this final project. He tried his best to get me to have these poems published, and gave me some insights into that. They are all protected under copyright law, but ultimately they were never bound and published. I guess I could say, until now.

Beginning with my next post, I am going to put all of these poems on this site over the upcoming weeks. As you read, you will see that I have attempted to address a very wide array of topics. Some of them will make many Christian people uncomfortable. I do not apologize for that, since the topics addressed are the stuff of real life. If you read one and someone comes to mind that you think would benefit, you have my permission to pass them along. I do ask that in the sense of accuracy and legality, that you give the author proper credit, who in turn passes the credit along to his Heavenly Father who gave him any talents in this area of writing.

Poetry 3 - "Meeting Me"

2011-01-13T23:11:00.003-05:00

This is the last of the three Advent related pieces written in 2002.

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Meeting Me

Holy Child, why is it that you would

leave heaven’s glory

to lie

in a feeding trough?

Why would you

surrender unlimited power

to become

the most helpless of beings?

What was your goal?

Why did you come?

Why are you here?

You will not remain this way.

You will grow

first into a boy, and finally into a man.

You will die

upon a cross for my sin . . . you will die.

You will rise

From a death that should have been mine.

Why would you choose to meet me here?

Is it because of my need?

Is it because of your love?

Is it because . . .

Holy Child. You will not remain this way.

But

This is the path that leads to your goal

and humanity’s gain.

That is why you came.

That is why we bow.

That is why we worship You.

That is why we call you Savior.

That is why.

Poetry 2 - "How Abounding"

2011-01-11T23:11:00.001-05:00

This second piece of poetry was also written at Advent in 2002 seeking Mary's point of view. However, it could apply to any of us looking honestly at ourselves.

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How Abounding

How deep is the sin

that runs into my very being?

It stares back when I look at my reflection.

It is a part of my nature.

I am left with no hope of escaping it clutches

unless God delivers me.

Is that what this is about?

How amazing is the grace of God

that extends beyond the grasp of my sin?

It sees I am

unworthy of this honor.

I am totally unable to undertake this task alone.

This grace makes me

worthy . . .

and available. . . for God’s purposes.

Perhaps THAT is what this is all about?

How abounding is the voice of God

that calls me

to something other than myself?

This is something I could never have imagined

No human can fully understand this

or believe it

. . . without His assistance?

Maybe that is just the point

it is his aid of which I am in need.

It is that same aid of which we all are in need.

And soon I may hold that very aid in my arms.

How abounding. How abounding indeed.

Poetry 1 - "Persons"

2011-01-08T23:11:00.002-05:00

One of the things I have enjoyed over the years is writing free verse poetry. I have had some pieces published in poetry books and considered it an honor. You can read one of the published pieces “here.” I may repost it again later. As far as I know that is the only poem I have ever posted on this site. That is about to change. I intend to post one or two pieces of my poetry here each week for the next several months. I will provide some introduction to each one to give it some context. Some of these will be personal; some will be faith related; and the final 25 will be of a surprising nature that I will explain at that time. So, here we go.

Since we have just passed the Christmas holidays, I am going to make the first couple of entries some poems I wrote in 2002 relating to the season we call Christmas. This first piece ask what could have been going through Jesus’ mind while lying in the manger, if full knowledge of who he was had been his that early instead of later in his life. I am asking for the sake of the art.

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Persons

So many faces

Each one different

beautiful in its own way

Do they realize how important everyone is?

So many minds

Each one thinking different thoughts

bowing to their former self

Have they truly comprehended the significance of this?

So many expectations

Each one coming from a personal bias

bringing a different vantage point to this experience.

Are they willing to see what is actually taking place?

So many viewpoints

Each one with a slant all it own.

bending this night into their own experience.

How will I get them to allow my Father to work?

So many persons

Each one unique, and loved from above

bonding with a baby they cannot comprehend.

How long before they understand?

So many needs

Each one greater than the one before

becoming larger as the night passes.

Will they allow me to point them to the true answer?

They are all looking at me.

Pain in their heart.

Expectation is in their face.

Hope is in their voice.

Copperhead Road & Family of Origin

2010-08-31T13:07:00.001-04:00

Have you ever flown anywhere for a vacation? Isn’t it interesting how you have to analyze what you pack when you fly in a way that is totally different that how you pack when you are traveling by automobile? The bag that seemed light at home can get very heavy after lugging it through the airport terminal.

The same is true in our relational abilities? We learn from our parents and grandparents what a marriage should look like. It does not matter that is the right picture or not, it is the one we believe because it is what we were taught and saw modeled for us.

In 1988 Steve Earle wrote a song called Copperhead Road. The singer tells of his grandfather and father making and selling moonshine. After serving in Vietnam, he comes home to alter the family tradition a bit. He begins growing marijuana. Now, I am not approving of moonshine or illicit drug use, I am only making a point. This song is above all things a song about family systems. The main character learned his behavior from his father and grandfather. He learned to sell illegal substances and disrespect authority from his family of origin.

Each of us carries “baggage” into our marriage and dating relationships. This baggage comes from what our family “taught us.” Why not take an honest look at the preconceptions you bring to your most intimate of relationships and ask: “What should I keep? What should I jettison?”

When it comes to relationships, what has your family taught you? What have the families of those we serve taught them? In all honesty, there are things we learned from our family about relationships that are good, wholesome, healthy, and worth keeping. Discover them; name them; keep them. Perhaps even improve upon them.

However, there are those items we “learned from our family” that are just plain wrong, unproductive and in many cases unhealthy. Likewise identify them; name them; then begin the process of eliminating them from your repertoire of relationship behaviors. Those “bags” can get very heavy if you carry them for year after year after year. Maybe they need to be repacked so as to lighten the load.

Paint by Number Dreams

2010-08-22T12:43:00.002-04:00

I think Jackson Browne is one of the greatest lyricists in American music. He is such an incredible story teller. Take for example the picture your mind paints as you read these lyrics from Fountain of Sorrow.

Looking through some photographs I found inside a drawer
I was taken by a photograph of you
There were one or two I know that you would have liked a little more
But they didn’t show your spirit quite as true

You were turning round to see who was behind you
And I took your childish laughter by surprise
And at the moment that my camera happened to find you
There was just a trace of sorrow in your eyes

Here is another. In the song The Pretender, he speaks of finding a girl and then they will fulfill one another’s expectations. Consider . . .

I'm gonna find myself a girl

Who can show me what laughter means

And we'll fill in the missing colors

In each other's paint-by-number dreams

Isn’t that a great way to describe the expectations we bring into our marriage? We have this dream. We know exactly how it should be completed. We know what color it is, what shape it is, how it is decorated and even how we will manage it and enjoy having our expectations fulfilled. We then marry another incomplete human being and wonder why we are not happy. Why did they not live up to our expectations?

This is nothing short of a recipe for disaster is it not?

Why not take an honest look at the expectations we have placed upon our spouse. Are they realistic? Are they fair? Or are they totally unrealistic and completely unreachable? In our relationships, do we have a “paint by number dream” and are expecting someone else to simply fill it in? Or are you accepting them for who they are and then growing and improving together?

The outcomes could not be more different.

Marriage the Bond of Society

2010-08-15T00:15:00.000-04:00

Who made this statement,“The first bond of society is marriage?"

No. It was not George W. Bush. It was likewise not Barack Obama. It also was not King, Hannity, Olbermann, or O’Reilly. It was not reported on MSNBC, CNN or FOX. In fact it did not come from the United States political left or right.

The quote was made by Cicero, a Roman philosopher who lived more than 2000 years ago.

Axiom #12: Confrontation

2010-07-07T11:55:00.002-04:00

As you may or may not know, I am originally from the south. I was born and reared in North Carolina where I lived the first 22 years of my life. It is where my heart still lies quite often. I then lived 18 years in Tennessee. Having been in Pittsburgh since 1994, I have seen one or two of the summers up here. Since I grew up and lived forty plus years in the south the heat in Pittsburgh does not bother me as much as it does a lifelong Pittsburgher.

You know how it is with humans. We adapt to what we have in our environment. That is why humanity is able to live and thrive everywhere from the bitter northern arctic cold to the heat and humidity of the rain forest. It is one of our strengths as a race of humans. We adapt quite well. Some might say that adaptation could potentially be the flip side of a negative. How so? Let me explain.

While we adapt to our surrounding climate, the core of the reason is that we know we can do little to change it. (Let’s avoid a global warming discussion here. That is on a larger scale than I am discussing.) We know that the weather is like the old adage, “everyone’s talking about it, but no one is actually doing anything.” Well . . . because in the short term, we cannot change the weather. It is beyond our ability. So in one way you could say that we sort of become anesthetized to our surroundings and just adapt to them.

Here is the rub. We do that in our relationships also. We just become numb to it all. We say “it doesn’t matter.” We pretend we do not notice. We get busy with other things. We find diversions. We ignore issues that really matter to us. We do not risk a difficult conversation with those we care about. We simply adapt.

Granted there are times to adapt. There really are times to simply let it go because it really is not that big of a deal. As I have said countless times in leadership discussions, “Choose your battles. If you die on every hill you just end up dead. Some deals are just deals.”

But, and it is a big one, there are also times to draw lines and take a stand. There are times to say, “This should not be and we ARE going to talk about THIS! We are not sweeping this one under the rug and ignoring it.” It does not and should not be this way. At that point it takes work to get to the core of the matter. Once you start to peel back the layers you may, and probably will find, that you have had a hand in the matter and you are not totally innocent. That hurts. And it hurts a lot some times.

Why do we not do it? The reasons are varied and multifaceted, ranging from learned patterns in the relationship to family of origin training to abuse or the threat of it to insecurity to this being uncharted waters to numerous items on a long list. It is like Stevie Nicks and Tom Petty sang, “Baby, you could never look me in the eye. Yeah, you buckle with the weight of the words.”

These things ought not to be. We all need to take stock of our relationships and the issues we are suppressing and addressing. The risk is high, but the reward is even higher.

Axiom 11: Pick Your Battles

2010-02-11T10:15:00.001-05:00

If there is one axiom that carries over into all my others, it is this one. When I was younger and more foolish, I felt I had to win every argument, even if it meant shouting down my opponents with weaker logic. As I have matured I have learned the utter fallacy of that strategy. It causes disruption on almost every level imaginable. Though the years I have learned that every battle is not worth fighting.

Part of that comes from so many years in school. I have spent so much time there that some of my family calls me a professional student. The higher in education I have gone, the less I think I know.

One of my present staff members and I were discussing a particular sticky situation when I said to him, “I don’t think that is worth fighting. Think about it. Even if we win, what have we won?” He looked at me and said, “Terry, if I had known you years ago, I would have had a lot less trouble in some past jobs.”

Every good general knows that a timely retreat can lead to ultimate victory. Every good basketball coach knows there is a time to kill the clock and get the game over. Every good football coach knows there is a time to punt on fourth down and not go for it. Every winning race car driver knows there is a time to just make laps to get to the end and not fight for every position on the track.

Remember, if you die on every hill, you just end up dead.

Axiom 10: Poison the Well

2010-01-15T23:11:00.000-05:00

I will never forget the first time I heard this saying by a friend of mine from Chicago. I do not recall the details of what we were discussing, but I do recall him saying to me, “Are you trying to poison the well?” I was not sure exactly what he meant, so he told me. “You know what their objection to your idea is going to be so you are taking the power out of it before they even state it.”

He was right. That is exactly what I was doing. I still do that in almost every situation. I do it in message and lesson preparation. I do it in staff meetings. I do it in vision talks. I do it is sales calls. I will even do it in one on one motivational conversation. I do it without even thinking about it anymore.

This axiom was probably covered in my early speech classes under the topic of audience analysis. Think about the group to whom you will be speaking and how they will react to what you are saying. If you can anticipate it, then address it ahead of time. If you know what the contents of the well where their objections are kept, then poison that well ahead of time. Reduce the power of the objection.

I am not talking about manipulation here. In order to poison the well, you will need to recognize it, evaluate its merits, and address them in a logical fashion. Manipulation demeans people. I am talking about honestly evaluating their ideas so you can address them before they see daylight. Do not deny the reality or the existence of their objection, but do not allow it to stop you when you honestly think you have evaluated them and know the best direction.

If you can poison the well, you may avoid a much more volatile conflict in the future.

Axiom #9: Gnats and Sledgehammers

2009-12-10T19:59:00.000-05:00

Since I am from the south, I have plenty of pithy maybe even pregnant sayings. It just comes with the territory. I have had dozens of folks tell me I should be writing these things down. Some are easy to grasp their meaning, such as “Don’t look at me like a calf at a new gate.” Others take a bit of time to grasp exactly what is being said like, “Ain’t no flies on me.”

One saying that I have translated into a leadership principle is “Don’t kill a gnat with a sledgehammer.” The point is pretty obvious. Be careful of overkill. Do not use a machine gun when a flyswatter will do. Use the appropriate means of dealing with a situation. Choose the correct tool for the job.

I am sure many folks reading this are thinking, “Well, you certainly have a penchant for stating the obvious.” Maybe. But I cannot tell you how often this is violated from leadership perspectives. How often do we make grand announcements and proclamations on a global scale when a simple one on one conversation would have done quite nicely. Have you ever seen a ball coach chew a player out publicly in order to “make a point?” When you witnessed that, have you ever wondered why he did not have a private conversation with the player? Relationships go a lot further that way usually.

Years ago in a place where I was working, one of the employees made the mistake of leaving the window to their office open at night during the fall. The office was a bit chilly the next morning. Rather than just going to the person and saying “Hey Jack, last night you forget to close the window and it was pretty cold in here this morning. Be careful.” The company passed a full edict about the importance of closing the windows to your office at night. Was that the appropriate tool for that event? Maybe. Maybe not.

In another environment where I was the senior leader, while working on a Personnel Policy Manual revision, we made a big decision. I was seeking some flexibility in dealing with employees and their individual situations. One of my team members was a labor attorney. She made a suggestion that really got our attention. Why don’t we take the entire 20 page policy and break it down to what is really needed, vacations, sick days, etc. She said, “Anything you put in print you are accountable for.” With her advice and our agreement, we took the entire policy down to a 6-8 page booklet. It covered all that was legally necessary in our state and allowed me flexibility. I know this does not translate to all situations, but in our case we were seeking the appropriate tool.

It has been said, “If all you have is a hammer, the whole world becomes a nail.” Perhaps that is why some leaders only use harsh means to motivate; it is the only tool in their arsenal. They have only been trained in the proper use of a sledgehammer, so it is what they use to get the job done. I recognize, there are times when someone needs to be called into account for their actions, but should that not be the exception rather than the rule?

Axiom #8: Performance

2009-09-30T10:44:00.005-04:00

Let me introduce this by referencing a story in Axiom #7. In that post I quoted the general manager of the company I worked for when he said, “Terry, one of the things I like the best about working with you, is that once I ask you to do something, or assign you a task, I can totally forget about it. It will get done. I will not hear from you unless, you either need my assistance in some way or the task is complete. Terry, you make me look good.”

That encapsulates exactly how I handle a lot of my management, which is quite distinct from my leadership I might add. Leadership involves vision, direction, support, guidance, assistance, and any number of other things. Management involves more of the day to day operations necessary to keep things moving in the direction of the vision.

With my present staff, and every person I have supervised over the years, I have tried to tell them the same thing in my expectations of them. If I have expectation of you, I will be sure you know it. But then I expect YOU to do it. If you need my assistance, my advice, my suggestions, my support, my ability to run interference for you, or any number of other things I can do for you to make you more effective, I will give it to you. I make that commitment to you. But I do not want to do your job. I want you to do it. I may check in, and ask how it is going privately and in staff meetings, and offer mine or others assistance if needed. But if I have to do your job, why are you here?

I have had to follow up with men and women with a variety of methods. If you are not able to do your job, let’s address it. Maybe your need skills training. Maybe some coaching will help. Maybe your time management skills are lacking. Maybe your prioritization skills need honing. Do you believe in our direction and mission? If not, can you come to agree with it? Whatever the issue is, let’s address it.

If after attempting to address them, it does not get better, then maybe this is not working out. Maybe we are not a good fit. Maybe for the good of everyone involved, we need to make a personnel change. Those decisions are always painful, never easy, but are sometimes required. If you are not willing to make this call, after much work, assistance, and prayer, do not sit in the leader’s chair. It comes with the territory and there is no way anyone can prepare you for just how gut wrenching those times are going to be. If you have an ounce of compassion at all, you will probably lose some sleep and see your appetite drop. No matter how you slice it, it is no fun. If you can make this sort of life impacting decision without great concern for the individual affected, I wonder if you are really the leader you should be. It is far more than being a task master.

I think it goes one step further. Maybe we are hurting the employee. If this is not a good fit, if he or she cannot do what this job requires, are we really doing them any favors by keeping them on board? Sure, it is hurting the organization and affecting the productivity of the team, but what is it doing for him or her? They are no doubt unhappy and unfulfilled. Maybe for their sake they need to be in a location that is better suited to their skills. How can they grow as a human being in a situation that is not suited for them?

When I speak of my present staff, I have often said, the key to my success is I have hired good people and then gotten out of their way. But that leads to one final word. You cannot be “dumping” work on another person no matter how good they are. There is a great chasm between “dumping” and “delegating.” This is something many leaders have yet to learn. Do not give something to another person just because you do not want to do it. That is never an appropriate reason. You may give it to them because they can do it better than you, or they enjoy it, or you see it as a growth opportunity for them thereby making it a leadership decision, but do not simply dump on them. No human deserves that.

As with the “No Surprises,” I realize there are all many variations and shades of gray in this axiom. There are times when you have to “sit on” an employee. But those should be the exceptions. Give them the freedom to perform, and then expect performance. If you have the right people in place, they will do just that.

Axiom #7: No Surprises

2009-09-18T10:25:00.003-04:00

When you begin to read the available literature on leadership one of the themes you will grasp pretty quickly is that there are several ways to break down leadership styles. It is defined by personality, habits, technique, behavior, expectations and any number of other means. One way I feel you can “caricature leadership” is by the tension between being a micro manager as opposed to a more permission giving styled leader.

Let me be honest here, this is one of my personal pet peeves. It is the one item in leadership that sets me off more quickly than any other. And in my present ministry/leadership/management position where we are funded in large part with Federal dollars via a grant, it is a personal struggle. My wife could tell you many stories about my rants regarding this issue. It is the exact same thing I resist in denominational structures in church. But that is another story entirely.

As a way of introducing this, let me relay three stories.

In the mid 80’s to early 90’s while I was still working bi-vocationally in ministry and corporate, I recall working with my superior, the General Manger of the private company. He was the only person above me in the entire company, and oddly enough I had his ear on things relating to our business and I had his trust. I will call him George . . . well, because that is his name. He told me in one meeting, “Terry, one of the things I like the best about working with you, is that once I ask you to do something, or assign you a task, I can totally forget about it. It will get done. I will not hear from you unless, you either need my assistance in some way or the task is complete. Terry, you make me look good.”

As I look back on that incident, that quite possibly is the highest praise I have ever received from an employer. This Axiom will help understand why.

In a later position I was relatively new and still refining my working relationship with my senior colleague. After about 3 to 4 months, I was feeling micromanaged. I recall going into his office and asking for a few minutes. I then closed the door and relayed what I was experiencing at his hand. I then said something to this effect. “I am not saying that you are wrong or you should change or you do not have the right to manage in whatever style you desire. I am not passing any sort of value judgment on you. You have the right to manage as you see fit. What I am saying is that if that is how you desire to manage me, you have the wrong guy, and I need to begin looking at how to make a transition. He apologized for appearing to do this and we never had a struggle with it again. We had other heated discussions on style, philosophy or details but I continued to prove my worth, my loyalty and my support of him as my boss.

Third story. A subsequent superior was guilty of a similar thing, the exact details of which are not important. I said to him, “Let me tell you a story.” I then relayed the above incident. He said, “I get your point,” and the issue was closed and was never a problem.

Now, if you stop reading at this point and do not complete this Axiom, please forget everything you read above. It is totally worthless without what I am about to say.

In each meeting above I told my supervisor something to this effect. I will not surprise you. I will keep you on a “need to know” basis . . . in the best use of that phrase. I will make absolutely sure you know anything and everything you need to know. If there is anything that may come back on you, I will tell you. If there is anything that is a ministry/company impacting issue, you will know. I will make sure you hear everything that is taking place that you need to hear. You do not need to be involved in the minutia of operations in my job. And you really do not want to be I am sure. But I promise you I will make sure you do know everything you need to know. If I have a doubt, I will tell you. It may be a 2-minute hall meeting. It may be a scheduled ninety minute sit down meeting. But you will know. You may not hear from me on items for weeks on end. Do not take that to mean anything. It means things are running as you want them to.

I then work very hard to live up to that. I realize there are all many variations and shades of gray here, and I am not going to get into that here, but I firmly live by this axiom and it has served me and the companies/ ministries I serve quite well.

Axiom #6: Change Had Better Happen

2009-09-04T00:05:00.007-04:00

Anyone who has known me for more than five minutes will probably attest to the fact that I embrace change with fervor. I have had more than one staff member of mine tell me that my motto is the oft repeated adage, “If it ain’t broke . . . break it!”
Guilty as charged.

When I completed the hiring of my present staff I told them in one of our early staff meetings to keep me in check in regard to change. Ask me why I am changing something. I know myself well enough to know that I will change something just for the sake of changing. As I said above, “Guilty.”

But . . . but . . . but . . . hear me out.

I will write an Axiom later on the value of a mentor. I have had two men, both ministers, whom I would call mentors in my life. The first of those was Richard Horn. He was the pastor of the church I attended when I “felt the call” “decided to” (pick your language) go into ministry as an occupation. I will tell some of that later, but for now, it is only important to know that he was important enough in my life, that my son Richard is named for him. That church was Landis Baptist Church, and it had a profound impact upon me. In many ways, one of the elders in that church is responsible for saving my life in almost every way it could be saved.

Early on when Pastor Horn and I were talking about ministry he said something to me that was astonishing for a 22 year old man to hear. He said, “Terry, if you believe the same thing in five years that you believe now, you are backslidden.”

Now don’t go all semantic on my and start quibbling about the language. And don’t make him to have said more than he said. He was not talking about core faith issues, Jesus, Scripture, a compassion for the poor, etc. It was something a bit more delicate than that. He was talking about our relationship with God. He was talking about our time studying what we believe and why we believe it. He was talking about keeping our faith fresh. He was talking about examining what you do and why you do it on a regular basis. He was talking about change.

We live in an age where change is not only happening; it is happening at speeds never before seen in the history of humanity. Some of us love it. Others are a bit slow on the uptake. Dr. Everett Rogers talked about the various speeds in which we embrace change in 1962 in The Diffusion of Innovation. I am well to the left of his continuum. If I do not land on the “innovator” on a topic, I am almost always an “early adopter.”

That clearly influences this Axiom of mine, but I firmly believe that as a leader we must embrace change. We need to be in the leading group when change is discussed. We simply cannot be sitting back waiting on change to happen to us. For it surely will. We need to be constantly analyzing and asking: What needs changed? What does not need changed (as much as we may want to change it)? How should it be changed? When should it be changed? Who should be involved in making the change? Who will resist the change? How can we win them over? And a any number of other questions.

As a leader, where do you land on change? Do you innovate or resist? Then ask, what “balance points” do I need to assist me? If you are like me, you need someone who will ask you to defend your change. It may be correct, but I should be ready to explain it. If you are a little more on the “Late Majority” or “Late Adopter” end, perhaps your balance point is someone you trust who will push you to question the status quo. Maybe you need someone who will be a burr under your saddle who will not allow you to just stand pat.

Change happens. As a leader, you may be the one who should be leading it, and not being led by it.

Axiom #5: Look for "God Moments"

2009-08-25T23:35:00.009-04:00

The past week has been pretty hectic. In addition to returning from a conference to find appointments scheduled for me, and a fall planning schedule looming ahead, my oldest daughter and son-in-law sold their home and purchased another one. That required a lot of work for them, and I have wanted to assist as much as I could, so I gave them the better part of three days. I loved being able to help and wish to do more. It reminded me, however, of some times when one of my primary Axioms came into play. “Always be looking for God moments.”

The house they just sold has some great memories for me. Not nearly as many as for them of course, but a quite a few family events happened in that house. On two occasions I was leaving a meeting in their area when I knew my oldest daughter Alyssa was at home alone. If I remember correctly, both times her husband, John was out of town or maybe even out of the country. As I left my meeting that started at 8:00 am and ended at 11:00 am, I got the idea to call Alyssa and see if they would like to have lunch. It was nothing fancy, just fast food as I recall. I picked it up took it to them, and we sat at their bar and ate lunch together. On both occasions, I was so very aware that my daughter and my two grandchildren (ages 3 and 1) were so glad to see me. It was a surprise visit, and the kids were almost giddy showing me this and that, enjoying the food. Alyssa herself seemed genuinely pleased at the “adult break” in her toddler dominated day. I stayed a little less than an hour, gave them all a big hug and kiss and went on my way. On a third such occasion, while John was in Mexico on a mission endeavor, I took my mower over and mowed their lawn. She told me not to, but when I left, I knew I had done the right thing.

Each times as I drove away, I was so very keenly aware that this did not just happen. God had been directing my steps. I not only needed to see them, they needed to see me. It was clear from the time I called until the time I drove away.

In life, in ministry in general, and in leadership specifically, I have learned to be very sensitive to these “God moments.” These events you cannot anticipate; you cannot plan for; but they are clearly the REAL plans for the day. This sort of fits into my “following your gut,” but it is different. It is more than watching for events as they unfold, this is watching where God is directing and making these events happen.

Over a decade ago, I was in my office at a former ministry location with a heavy day of administrative work staring at me. Somewhere mid afternoon the receptionist called me to say, “Terry, there is a John Doe here to see you. He says it is urgent.” Now, in all honesty, I thought to myself, “NO!!! Not today. I am so behind!” But instead I said, “I will be right out.”

I will not tell you how I knew him, but we had a passing acquaintance and I knew he had just experienced a semi-traumatic event in his life. John Doe and I walked back to my office, closed the door and sat down. After a few pleasantries he looked at me and said something to this effect, “Terry, what is all this talk about trusting Jesus? Can you tell me about how this faith stuff works?”

Now . . . I am no rocket scientist, but even I could hear God screaming with the full fervor of lungs of Deity saying, “Hey Terry, THIS is your event for the day, not those papers on your desk.”

Events are not usually that dramatic for me, or for you I will wager, but you know what? They are there. When you are planning leadership events, or your days activities or team meetings or whatever . . . always leave room in the back of your mind for the God moments. It may just be what was supposed to happen in the first place.

Axiom #4: Reentry

2009-08-14T09:04:00.008-04:00

This summer my wife and I visited the Kennedy Space Center in Florida. It was the highlight of our vacation. The experience is incredible. I was able to ride a space shuttle simulator, which an astronaut there, said was very realistic. We visited the control room for the Saturn moon shots. That in itself was a pretty emotional experience considering the history that was contained in that room. I also stood underneath a Saturn moon rocket. It is so immense you cannot fully describe it. The bottom of the rocket itself has five main propulsion points. Each one has a circumference larger than a full grown man. The circumference of the rocket itself is even larger than that, and the length is hard to describe. To think that this thing actually got off the ground boggles the mind.

Being the age I am, I recall sitting in elementary, junior high, and high school when the astronauts would return to earth. They would put several classes together and wheel a black and white TV in the room and we would watch with baited breath as the rockets cleared reentry and then landed in the Pacific Ocean. In those early years, after arriving back on earth, the men (no women flew at that time) would be in isolation for a period of time. I do not recall how long exactly, but I remember they could not be with their wives or children until a “decontamination period” had expired and they were medically cleared. Things have indeed changed.

This morning I am preparing to leave to fly home. I will stop by my office simply because it is directly on my route home. I will then take the weekend to be at home and assist my daughter and son-in-law with their packing in preparation for a move into their new home. Monday I will return to my office and head into a full work week.

My work schedule next week, at least early on, is light. That is intentional. I planned it that way. I always plan it that way. I call it “reentry.” After I out of the office for a period of time, be it vacation or conference, I do not go back in a full steam of meetings. I used to. I was superman. I could handle it. And I did . . . albeit, at a price.

The temptation is to do just the opposite of what I did. After all you have been gone, so you have to hit it hard. You have to set up lots of work meetings so you can get lots of work done. Do you?

Over the years, I have learned that the first couple of days back to work everyone will want a piece of you. There will be questions they have held back until you retuned. Mail will be on your desk. Email will need attended (even if you have tried to keep up). All of this will wear on you if you set up to many meetings.

After a time away from the office, I think reentry for a leader means he or she must leave the first couple of days as open as possible. They need to be available for those they lead while they are catching up on the administration that comes with the sitting in the leader’s chair.

I tell my staff exactly that. I tell them what I am doing and why. I encourage them to likewise plan their reentry when they have been off work. Health is a multifaceted thing. It takes balance. Now, at 55 years of age I have learned that phone booths, or revolving doors, will not put a cape on my back.

Axiom #3 - Servants are Equals

2009-08-13T17:37:00.005-04:00

I am writing this from my hotel in Washington, DC. I am here for a conference. It is a nice hotel. I am staying at a Marriott. It has a nice gym, good restaurants, great service, and nice amenities. They even gave me a welcome gift bag with chocolates just for being a Rewards Member! I am living large!

Each morning, after my shower, I head down to the day’s meetings. I will on occasion make a stop in the room throughout the day, but for the most part, I am gone all day. When I return my bed is made, the rest room is cleaned, the coffee supply is refreshed, there are two new bottles of water for me, and the place is generally spruced up quite nicely. That does not happen by accident. Someone actually DOES this work. Years ago, I took this for granted. Well, maybe that is too strong of language. I did not take it for granted, but I did not go the extra mile in being grateful.

Sometime in the early 1990’s my wife was reading an article in one of those “women’s magazines” when she looked up and said to me something to this effect, “Now here is an interesting comment. It says we tip the folks who serve us our food but we do not tip the people who clean our hotel rooms and that is wrong.” We chatted a few moments about that, but I changed my behavior that day. I realized the truth of that statement. I tip the person who brings my food, why should I not tip the person who cleans my bathroom and makes my bed?

I travel 4-6 times a year for work. Our family will stay in hotel 3-4 times a year for vacations and trips. We always do the same thing. Each morning before we leave we take a piece of paper and on it we will write, “Tip for Housekeeping.” We then leave some money for the room service person. I do not have to. It is not required. It is not in the contract with the hotel. But we do it. And we gladly do it. If I do not have the correct amount of cash, I will make up for it the next day. I do it on a daily basis and not at the end of my stay, just in case the staff is different.

Do not think they do not notice and know who you are. On more than one occasion, they have stopped me and said, “Thank you very much for the tips.” It actually happened just this morning.

Now, why would I tell you that? If you think it is to brag, please click the small “x” at the top right hand of the screen. You do not get it at all. I do it because, in my mind, the BIGGEST revealer of a person’s character is how they treat those who serve them. If you are rude and inconsiderate to those you deem as beneath you, it tells me how you will treat peers and superiors given the opportunity.

While in college I spent time in the service industry. I waited tables and did other jobs that were service jobs. (In many ways, I still am in the service industry I guess.) I believe that people do food service jobs or are hotel housekeeping personnel for a reason. Life usually forces then into it. I would wager that no one responded to the question, “Now what do you want to be when you grow up?” with, “I want to clean toilets for non family members for minimum wage.” Or, “I want to serve food to griping, demanding and ungrateful people for less than minimum wage, so they can give me a tip.”

I think most people who do these jobs are forced into it. I think most are single mothers, or students, or moms who are trying to make a little extra to keep the family afloat.

While still living in Chattanooga, TN I had many occasion to go to dinner with the members of the Single Adult Ministry I led. One such occasion, we had a woman with us whom I will call Valerie. Valerie’s treatment of our food server was deplorable at best. She was demanding. She was rude. She was inconsiderate. Valerie was every server’s nightmare. My wife told me she had witnessed this before, but it was my first time to see it. It just so happens, I was paying the entire bill for the group. There were about 10 of us. When I signed the slip with my payment I wrote these words on it,

“Please forgive me of the behavior of my rude inconsiderate friend. I am ashamed of her behavior. The way she treated you was just INEXCUSEABLE, and we all intend to talk to her about it. Please know that all Christians are not like this and the Jesus we follow would not approve of this. Please accept my tip as my way of expressing sorrow and making restitution to you.”

I then tipped her about 50% of our bill. I put that part about Christians in because I have had more than one server tell me they hate to have Christians come into their restaurant after church. They are cheap and demanding.” Ouch! I know that is a caricature and a generalization, but it still hurts.

We could talk about folks who shine shoes, who carry your bags, or any number of things, but we all get the point. How do were treat folks who serve us? Maybe it is your mother or father or another family member. How do you treat them? How generous are you with gratitude? How polite are you? How . . . well, you get the point. How you treat people you perceive as beneath you, is a revealer of your character. It tells everyone the kind of the person you are. When I am evaluating the folks I lead, you can bet your last dollar I am taking note when we are out to lunch.

Oh yeah, this week my room has had extra fresh water, extra coffee supplies, and in general I can tell it was given a little extra care. It was not my rationale for doing this, but it sure was nice.

Axiom #2: Don't Ignore Your Gut

2009-08-12T22:31:00.005-04:00

In 1993 I began my doctoral studies. One of the first classes I had to take was two full days of psychological evaluation. We did private stuff, group stuff, and small group stuff. You name it. We did it. I took the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory (which looks for deviation), and who knows how many other inventories in preparation for that class. The goal was to determine if we were emotionally stable enough for that terminal degree. I passed, just in case you are wondering.

That class gave me my first extensive exposure to the Myers-Briggs Personality Type Indicator. Since then I have taken it at least twice more. While certain traits have shifted in strength, etc. due to life situation or whatever, one of the four indicators has not altered. The “N.” I am an “intuitive.” Without going into great detail, an MBTI Intuitive not a “woman’s intuition” type of thing. It is something more basic.

As an “N” I follow my gut. It guides my best decisions. Ignoring it, leads to my worst decisions. An “N” does not necessarily make decisions based upon facts. We make it based upon our “gut.” I remember the counselor talking extensively to me about that in 1993 and thinking, “How does he know this about me. He is so right.”

Last week at the Leadership Summit we viewed a dramatization video of a local church with staff and board with dysfunctions. One of the gross characterizations was a senior leader who overplayed the “I follow my gut.” It became, intentionally, very humorous. There are extremes here, as in anything, and that is certainly not what I am talking about.

As I look back over my past years (35+ now) I can see where every time I have ignored my “gut,” I have regretted it. An “N” should not ignore facts; they just are not the primary way we make our decisions. The “gut” should make us take a closer look at the facts. Reexamine them. Run the numbers again. Ask the questions again.

A few months back I was in a very tense ministry setting. The situation had gone south, and had gone south in a hurry. I was totally unaware. As soon as I learned of it, my gut said “Do something . . . NOW!” I did. It totally corrected the situation. However, due to circumstances beyond me, the situation went south again, even further and a lot harder. When I was aware of what was taking place, my gut screamed at me, “Do something Terry . . . NOW.” I did not. I let the “facts” of the situation take over. I calculated all that was around me and talked my gut down. Within hours it had blown totally to pieces and I was caught up in the carnage. It was painful to MANY people, me included. And I was at fault for not listening to my gut.

Some of you reading this are not an “N.” You are a “facts” person. MBTI would call you an “S” or Sensor. “Just the facts m’ am, just the facts.” But, there are times, even with you, when something stinks, and it stinks bad! You read the situation and cannot for the life of you, factually, figure out what is wrong. But there is something screaming at you to ignore that facts and act. Call it a check in your spirit, call it the leadership of the Holy Spirit, call it whatever you will, but you know when it is taking place.

Do not ignore those times. In business they say “If a deal sounds too good to be true, it probably is.” Well, in life and leadership, the same applies. If something does not seem right, it probably is not. If you are and “S” and need facts, get them. Do the work you need to be comfortable with your decision but do not ignore the screaming in your gut telling you to either act, or stop from acting. If you are anything like me at all, and you ignore it, you will indeed regret it.

Axiom #1: "Don't do it because you have to . . ."

2009-08-11T23:17:00.008-04:00

This first Axiom, comes from my discussions with a former ministry colleague Marlaena Cochran. Since this first axiom came out of a meeting with Marlaena, I want to give her credit.

She was talking to me regarding a ministry decision she was needing to make. The exact particulars of that decision elude me just now, but I am sure she could tell you what they were. I do recall this, however. She mentioned to me, "Terry, I think I have to do this." I said in response, "Do not do it because you have to. Do it because you cannot not do it."

I am not really sure where that came from, except from my previous life experience.

Think with me a bit about that statement. There are many things that we feel we "have" to do. But as the NFL referees often say, "Upon further review . . ." We really do not have to do it. I think it is true that we can convince ourselves there is something in a leadership setting that must be taken care of by us when in reality it is our desire leading us.

When I said "Do it because you cannot not do it," I think I am getting at something a bit more serious. I think this is the "next level." This is more than feeling you have to do it, it is not being able to talk yourself out of it. It is like a grinding in your spirit, or sandpaper in your soul. It will not go away.

A few years back I was struggling with a major ministry decision. I tried every way I could to find a way out. It was a difficult struggle. I recall pursuing every angle possible with this. It finally became clear to me what I was going to do, when I realized I simply could not not do it.

Let me be clear. I am not talking about things that are wrong or abusive or out of line in any respect. I am talking about leadership or ministry decisions that gnaw at your gut. It may be a move in ministry. It may be an alteration in methodology. It could be a personnel move. Whatever the issue is, there simply is no way you cannot follow through.

You do not "have to." You "cannot not do it."

Axioms: Introduction

2009-08-10T22:28:00.005-04:00

A year ago while attending the Leadership Summit, I heard a talk by Bill Hybels where he referenced his latest book "Axiom." In it Hybels writes about his leadership proverbs, sort of principles that guide his leadership.

While standing in the hallway afterwards I was talking to a couple of ministry associates about that talk and the book connected with it. One of them said, "Terry, instead of just reading about axioms, you should write your own Axioms. You have as many proverbs of that sort as anyone I know." The other responded, "I agree and I know exactly what your first one should be."

A bit surprised, I took note, but allowed the business of life to get in the way. Well, now a year later, I am going to begin the process on this site. Let's see how it goes.

Kryptonite

2009-07-30T00:26:00.004-04:00

I am a fan of the group Three Doors Down. I really like good old driving rock and roll music. In the song Kryptonite they have a great line that states, “You took for granted all the times I never let you down.”

Have you ever felt that way? As you look at your relationships and folks mention what you are doing poorly, have you ever thought to yourself, “HEY! What about this and this and this?” You may have even stated it. It has a sting to it doesn’t it?

In truth, that lyric is a great way to language “What have you done for me lately?” or our tendency to focus on the negative rather than the positive in our relationships. Why is that we do that? Why do we almost always think FIRST about what someone has done to us that is negative and not positive? I do it. You do it. We all do it.

When was the last time you stopped to realize the good and positive in your relationships? Let’s take it one step further. When was the last time you actually told them you were aware of their good behavior or those good words? When did you last write a note, sent an email or better yet spoke the works to them affirming the GOOD behavior?

Here is a novel idea. Why not look for the good? Why not remember “the times they never let you down?” Why not look for something good in your acquaintances or partner . . . and then tell them.

Balanced Envionmentalism

2009-07-21T23:34:00.004-04:00

I am not sure how many would call me "balanced" in anything, but the other day I had an epiphany of sorts. I am what I call a "balanced environmentalist."

Al Gore will not be getting a call of support from me. Julia Robers will not find me giving up deodorant and anti-perspirant as one of my ways of protecting the environment ( as she said she does on Letterman a while back.) Those I come in contact with will be very glad. But I do think about our responsibility to protect and care for the planet our creator has entrusted to us. I work hard to recycle, even if it means going out of my way to do so, but I am not an activist, at least outwardly.

I live on a busy street so litter is prevalent in my yard each day. I hate seeing folks treat the planet like that, and at times it seems (as stated to me by one of my employees) that littering is the state hobby in western PA.

Here is the balanced view hitting me. While in Africa a few years back, I noticed my African hosts throwing out their empty water bottles onto the road after drinking the water. I asked them about that practice since we see folks do that here, and it bugs the stew out of me. They told me, it was not litter. The poor come along and pick up those bottles and use them to gather their water from watering places. How about that for a correction?

My epiphany came while mowing. I realized that a decade or so back I paid someone to come fertilize my lawn, kill the weeds, feed the grass, and then I had to mow it a lot after it was chemicalized. (Is that even a word?) I stopped that practice some time ago. There are two reasons: 1. It was not a good use of my money. 2. Why pay someone to put chemicals on my lawn so the grass will grow so I will buy more gasoline because I have to mow more often? Weeds are green too! I do not have an electric mower. But if they could make one affordable with enough power to cut my lawn (not an easy chore - I walk 7-1/2 miles every time I mow my lawn - yes I have checked it with a pedometer) I would have one.

Balanced. I really am seeking just that in this area. And you will be glad I did if you stand close to me on a hot summer day!

The Death of Michael Jackson

2009-06-30T08:55:00.005-04:00

With all the hoopla surrounding Michael Jackson's death, I was reminded of what I wrote here in 2005.

My Favorite New Quote on the Church

2009-06-09T00:01:00.001-04:00

"I wonder if churches do to people what zoos do to animals?" - Mark Batterson in Wild Goose Chase

Doo, Doo, Doo, Lookin' Out My Back Door

2009-01-18T23:48:00.022-05:00

We have not been above freezing in some time, so here are some winter pix from my house. Gavin and Frosty are shown from a week ago, followed by some pix from my back deck and out the front. Notice that Frosty's hat is now covered. Finally, some of Gavin's play doh and clay creations. He has an incredibly detailed and creative side to him.

Things that make you say, "Huh?"

2009-01-11T18:18:00.013-05:00

I cannot believe I have not written in a month . . . inexcusable. So to start the new year, how about something a bit fun . . . or odd. Here are some real things that happened this past year (or recently) that I just do not get.

A Presbyterian Minister (this is the denomination to which I belong remember) had a sex change from a man to a woman only to become a lesbian. I will not even attempt a comment on the strangeness of this. Forget anything theological or sociological. It is just plain weird.

Cincinnati wide receiver Chad Johnson legally changed his name to Chad Ocho Cinco (Chad 8 5) his uniform number. And, yes he knows it is 8&5 not 85. I wonder if he had been drinking. Is it like the tattoo in "Margaritaville?"

Why do people fly down an acceleration ramp on the interstate only to STOP at the end. There is no stop sign there. If you act tentative, or an idiot, people will not let you out. But if you act like you know what you are doing, they do not mind being behind you. Also, why do some folks start decelerating BEFORE getting on the "deceleration ramp?"

A local radio station this year in Pittsburgh (WDVE) ran a Wet t-shirt contest . . . for men. Yes, you read that correctly. How many beers do you have to have before this is a good idea. I mean really. I do not want to even think about this any more.

Why do so many stores have you "swipe your credit card" then . . . have to give it to them. If I have to hand it to you, why not just do that at the beginning and save an entire step?

Why do so many men (I only visit men's rest rooms) scratch the language on EVERY "Baby Changing Table" to read "Baby _hanging Table?" Is this really funny?

Have you seen the Cadillac Escalade commercial where they compare the Cadillac Escalade Hybrid to the Mini Cooper in gas mileage. Uh, how much better? Is it enough to counter the $30,000 difference in price over the life of the car? I mean, really! And just for the record, a hybrid in an SUV does not count. Period. You are missing the point entirely.

MSN The Cat Man - Visit this link or watch the video posted here. Again, how many beers do you have to drink . . . and over how many years . . .

Where is the Pastor?

2008-12-08T22:10:00.015-05:00

I was going to write about my Thanksgiving with some pictures of my grandkids, but I changed my mind. I will do that soon. I was turned onto these two videos by a couple of folks and had to put them up. Let me say this. If EITHER of these were to take place in a church I was pastoring, well it would first of all happen without my knowledge, but here is the conversation that would follow?

"Where is the Pastor? It is time for the message?"

"Isn't that his car peeling out of the parking lot?"

Video #1 - What happens when you cross Michael Jackson and show tunes and put them in church? THIS insanity happens!!! Does this guy even know what happened to Michael Jackson?

Video #2 - These guys should not be allowed to play anything on the off beat. The link HERE will take you to this one on YouTube so you can see some of the take offs on it. It would not publish for some odd reaon. It is still worth a look . . . sort of.

"Man, I can tell the Pastor is a NASCAR fan! Look at him drive"

A Couple of Post Election Thoughts

2008-11-16T22:16:00.004-05:00

Now that some of the dust has settled and the pundits have all had their say, or have at least started their say. I have a three questions that have nagged me for years regarding both sides. No comments are necessary. Everyone knows the answers. I am an equal opportunity offender here.

Why is it that when the Republicans want to characterize someone is a negative light, they paint them "weak or un-American?" I first noticed this with George McGovern in 1972, the first election I voted in, and I will say that I did not vote for McGovern and to this day think I made the right decision, but he was painted and anything but a patriot. It was the case for Jimmy Carter, many 1980 elections, local and national and continues on today. As you know, it was a mainstay in this past presidential election.

Why is it that when the Democrats want to characterize someone is a negative light, they paint them as stupid or dumb? This has been a mainstay since Gerald Ford. It was used for Ronald Regan (who was dumb like a fox!!!), hit full stride with Dan Quayle and George Bush (dad and son) and was one of the primary attacks at Sarah Palin? It is still used in reference to Richard Nixon, whom I think may have been the most intelligent person to ever sit in the White House. He certainly lacked some common sense when dealing with the Watergate mess, but he was far more intelligent than almost everyone who paints him as stupid to this day.

Why does anyone really care what the actors in Hollywood think when it comes to an election? Other than the fact that they bring a lot of money to the table, they are no more informed than anyone else and show it with their character assassinations. Yet they get far more than their share of air time. They are entertainers, nothing more and nothing less. They are a diversion from reality, or at least a selected view of reality, not reality itself. I love all forms of theater. I have acted, directed, and written so I fully understand the value. But if we are after the views of entertainers, why are we not asking athletes (from football players to ice skaters to race car drivers) at great length for their views?

Podcasts

2008-11-09T21:12:00.006-05:00

This past summer one of the gifts I had given to me was an iPod. It really is as good as people say.

I have started to get into several Podcasts that speak to me for different reasons. I do not agree with everything these folks say, but I love to hear them say it . . . more or less. Heck, I do not even agree with myself for long! Here is a list of some Podcasts I regularly listen to with some comments on each.

Basketball and Beyond with Coach K - This is a weekly (or so) podcast of an XM radio show hosted by Duke Basketball coach Mike Krzyzewski. He has had as guest Tony Kornheiser, Carl Weathers, Terrell Owens, and a host of basketball writers and sports figures. He has great quotes on leadership, some are found on his web site http://www.coachk.com/. Here are some quotes I really like that need little or no explanation.

"The will to win is good. Here is one better, "the will to prepare to win."
"In leadership, there are no words more important than trust. In any organization, trust must be developed among every member of the team if success is going to be achieved."
"Two are better than one if two act as one."
"A leader may be the most knowledgeable person in the world, but if the players on his team cannot translate that knowledge into action, it means nothing."
"Erect no artificial walls that might limit potential, stifle creativity, or shackle innovation."
"Leaders should be reliable without being predictable. They should be consistent without being anticipated."
"A leader has to be positive about all things that happen to his team. Look at nothing in the past as failure."

Erwin McManus and Mosaic - Los Angeles - I cannot get enough of listening to this guy. This is updated weekly or so. I must admit however, that as with the others below, I do not listen to anyone else on his staff. He pastors an incredibly diverse and creative community in LA. I had the privilege of attending his conference about 2-1/2 years ago. It was one of the best I have EVER been too.

Rob Bell and Mars Hill Bible Church - Grand Rapid, MI - An incredible communicator and a young guy (35?) who has a wonderful understanding of Scripture and its application to today.

John Ortberg and Menlo Park Presbyterian Church - Menlo Park, CA - Formerly the teaching pastor at Willow Creek, John is almost always worth the time of day.

Andy Stanley and North Point Community Church - Atlanta - Another terrific speaker. He can be a bit rigid . . . but he has a great way with Scripture.

Chuck Swindoll and Insight for Living - Here is my Classic. He has been one of my favorite "unpackers" of Scripture since . . . forever.

Thoughts on an Election

2008-11-03T22:47:00.006-05:00

Tomorrow we go to the polls to vote for, among other things, the next President of the United States. I am always amazed at just how involved and passionate people can get over politics. If only they were that passionate over their relationship with God. But, that is not what I am writing about. Or is it?

600 years before Jesus walked on the planet, a king named Nebuchadnezzar ruled Babylon. He was perhaps one of the greatest monarchs in the history of the world. Some would argue the greatest monarch. The city he built is almost difficult for us to understand. It was so great, that its hanging gardens, hanging hundreds of feet in the air, were one of the seven wonders of the world.

In Daniel chapter 4, he has a dream that rocked his world. The long and the short of it, is that he had become so prideful in his kingdom and his accomplishments, that God decided to humble him. Actually, I believe King Nebuchadnezzar came to believe in the one true God, and this event played significantly into that. I will not write the content of the dream, you can read it, but here is what the prophet Daniel told him when he was finally asked what was to take place.

"This is the interpretation, O king, and this is the decree the Most High has issued against my lord the king: You will be driven away from people and will live with the wild animals; you will eat grass like cattle and be drenched with the dew of heaven. Seven times will pass by for you until you acknowledge that the Most High is sovereign over the kingdoms of men and gives them to anyone he wishes."

Uh, yeah. God grants power to whomever he wishes. Tuesday evening, when the votes are tallied, I will remind myself that God gives power to whomever he wishes.

Sunday evening I heard a Scottish preacher say, we should remember that Jesus is indeed king. He is not elected. He does not bow to the United States, or Scotland, or Britain, or any other nation. He did not attend the Republican convention. He did not attend the Democratic one either. He is not on the side or Obama, or McCain, or Palin, or Biden. We do not vote for His power. We do not decide if He is in charge. We do not tell Him who He will allow into his kingdom. We do not tell him who He can forgive or accept or love or support. We simply are invited to join Him.

I do not know how this election will turn out. I will go vote tomorrow morning. I will be thrilled to do so. It is my privilege. It is my right. But I WILL NOT be so invested in this that I will be taken back, or bothered, or concerned, no matter who wins. And this is from a guy, who at the age of eighteen, had a ten step plan to BE president of the United States.

On the eve of an election that will determine the leader of what is arguably the most powerful nation on earth, would it not be good to be reminded that "the Most High is sovereign over the kingdoms of men and gives them to anyone he wishes?"

Next . . .

2008-10-29T22:37:00.003-04:00

After a ton of work, I have completed my Federal Semi-annual report number 4! After completing those nearly 40 pages I am ready to go back to life.

I intend to write a few thoughts about the upcoming election from a bit different perspective in the next day or so. But for tonight, after three LATE nights I am hitting the sack. If I wrote now, you would say, "Man, this guy is totally incoherent!"

Well . . .

Leading a Conference on Marriage

2008-10-16T15:59:00.008-04:00

This has been a hectic two month period for me. In addition to the normal duties at my job, (which included the resignation of my assistant and the search for a replacement!) we held our first marriage conference. We were thrilled to have as our plenary speakers Dr. Gary Chapman author of the bestselling book, The Five Love Languages. I have to tell you, if you are in a relationship, and have not read that book, you are doing yourself and your partner a great disservice by not reading it. It has one distinction that is remarkable for a book its age. It was first published in 1992, and has steadily sold more copies each subsequent year. That is the exact opposite of almost every book in print.

Dr. Chapman is from the same home church that I am from, so that is sort of a feather in my cap, and I did nothing to achieve it. (There are other names for that, but I will allow that to pass!) I have had nowhere close to the impact of his life however. He travels internationally, speaks to governments, military personnel, and has rubbed shoulders with presidents (Bill Clinton for example) on more than one occasion. He was a great speaker and challenged us on a level that we all could easily reach.

Our second speaker was Dr. Robert Michael Franklin, President of Morehouse College in Atlanta. Morehouse college is the alma mater of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Dr. Franklin shared with me over dinner that Moreshouse has just been given by Dr. King's widow his entire writings that have been sitting in her basement all these years. Some of that should prove fascinating after they are transcribed and place into public awareness.

You learn a lot from running these conferences, and I have run many over the years. You learn a lot about people and a lot about yourself. One thing I was thrilled with was the opportunity to sit over dinner and learn from two men who I hold in high esteem. To them it was a business dinner but for me it was much more. I learned so much from both men without them even realizing it.

My Two October 2nd Heroes

2008-10-02T23:12:00.005-04:00

We live in a time when hero is a cheap word. We throw it around fast and loose. It is applied to persons in a TV series, fictional characters in a movie or comic book, a sports personality, a politician, or any number of individuals.

Here is how Webster even defines it: a: a mythological or legendary figure often of divine descent endowed with great strength or ability b: an illustrious warrior c: a person admired for their achievements and noble qualities d: one that shows great courage

That may indeed be an actual definition, but I have to be honest here, I do not think it truly gets at what we mean when we say someone is a hero. It seems to me, that a hero is someone that looks out for someone else, cares for someone else, protects someone else, or even rescues someone else often (usually?) at great price to themselves.

I have THREE GREAT CHILDREN. I love them all three dearly and equally, and at some point you will read about them all. But on this day, I want to go on a distinct direction relating to one of them.

October 2nd is a very important day for me. It is the birthday of my grandson Gavin. I have five other wonderful grandchildren and I love them all dearly. Words cannot come close. Gavin, however, is in many ways my second son. Legally, he is indeed my son. Although he is my grandson and calls me Granddad he is much more. You see, Gavin had so many things stacked against him. His father abandoned his mother while she was still pregnant with him. That contributed greatly to the fact that he has lost both of his grandparents on both sides. His paternal grandparents are lost due to no relationship with his father, of his father’s choosing. He lost his maternal grandparents in many respects because they fill the parental role in his life.

Gavin approaches life like I believe I did as a child. He has a reckless abandon to enjoy living, just for the sake of living. He relishes every moment of every day. This great little kid, has a growth hormone deficiency and has to have an injection EVERY DAY. How many five year olds get that? The list is very short, I am sure. He takes it every day with almost no grief. His new phrase referring to kids who mock his short size is, “I am tougher than they think I am!” I absolutely love it!

Well, today Gavin is six years old. Happy Birthday Gavin my little man, you are my hero.

Gavin is not her alone however. His mother, my youngest daughter, Lori Beth, is another of my heroes. She became pregnant at the age of 19 and her boyfriend abandoned her in every way that a person can be abandoned. She was 19, pregnant and without any support from the person who provided the genetic material and should have been there for her.

Every reader here knows full well, that she could have taken the easy route, had an abortion, and I would have never known . . . unless she told me. But . . . she . . . did . . . not. She carried this little boy to term; then gave him up to my wife and I to adopt to provide health care, a solid home, and all the rest. She did not have to do that. I am sure many of her friends counseled her to simply terminate the pregnancy. But . . . she . . . did . . . not. The power that must have taken is beyond me. She was talked about, gossiped about, discussed, criticized, had her character impugned and who knows what all. It came many times from the very church family that should have supported her. But she saw this pregnancy to term, in the midst of odds you and I probably could never understand.

I intend to tell Gavin on day, that his mother is a hero. She saved his life . . . literally! She had it in her power to end it and chose not to. She did the hardest thing any woman could ever do in all likelihood and saved her son’s life at great expense to herself.

Lori Beth, my dear sweet daughter you are my hero. And on this October 2nd as your son reaches his sixth birthday, I am reminded of just that. I love you and I am more proud of you than I could ever express in words.

Praying for Bill Maher

2008-09-28T23:02:00.002-04:00

Sorry for not writing much this week. I have been in Minnesota for a training upgrade for my PREPARE/ENRICH certification. I may write about that sometime. It is perhaps the best research based relationship study ever done that can accurately predict what area could potentially cause a couple to be at high risk for divorce. But not now.

While waiting for one session to start, I watched on the TV (a very cool flat screen high definition TV I might add!) an older interview with comedian/political commentarian/satirist/fill-in-the-blank Bill Maher. It was mostly about his movie Religulous. In the course of this interview with a couple of movie reviewers, Maher began to talk about his TV show and his penchant for attacking religious individuals. He stated, and I am not being unfair here at all in my comments, that he often gets accused of only bringing the "extremist" in religion onto his show and attacking them. He brings in the caricature of a bad Christian, per se, and lets them have it. He has been told that he does not bring in the "balanced" religious individual to show the "other side."

He then made this statement, and this is almost verbatim, "That is true but it really is not true. It is my contention that if you are religious AT ALL you are an extremist. It goes against all of our normal senses and all of our normal rational thinking. If you are religious on any level . . . you are an extremist."

Now, I could instantly hear some of my Christian friends getting all worked up, wanting to rant and write him. I did not. There was a time that I may have done so, but I am just a bit older now and think my words a bit more. I did not feel any anger or anything of the sort. You know what I thought? I felt my heart go out to Bill Maher. I really felt compassion for him

He actually seems like the sort of guy I would enjoy being around and enjoy having as a friend . . . most of the time anyway. I then prayed for him. I really did. I honestly, earnestly, and sincerely prayed for him. I thought to myself, "I really wish I could build a friendship with him and let him see someone who has more warts than he could shake a stick at, but who really is genuine in his "Christian extremism." That will never happen. But, take it for what it is, that is what happened to me last week.

Life's Necessities . . . Or Are They Conveniences?

2008-09-16T22:31:00.015-04:00

This has been a very hectic week for Kay, Gavin and me. Ike came through here. Yep, what was Hurricane Ike ripped through here on Sunday evening. It took out our electricity until this evening as it destroyed trees and who knows what all. We lost every bit of the food in our refrigerators. My office still has no electricity. No phone. No Internet. No Email. It could not have come at a worse time with our national conference this week. But we all survived. We did not lose our roof or have sea water on the second floor of the house like the folks in Texas. At least there was food in the fridge and more at the store one half mile away.

As we lived without electricity, I was reminded of just how much we get hooked on these modern marvels. I was one of the very early Internet surfers while living in TN. I remember in the late 1980s (or was it early 1990s) getting online via Prodigy dial up at a speed about one quarter as fast as 14.4. I watched the screen paint line by line when I would connect. I was a part of an early Duke Basketball Bulletin Board that ultimately morphed into the Duke Basketball Report, the number one college fan site of any sport in the nation. I remember purchasing a PC that had a 40 MB hard drive and thinking, "I will never need more than this." It had a menu program that had Windows 3.1 as one of its options. I used it for a game or two. That was about all. I did all of my work with DOS commands. YIKES! (What does DOS stand for anyway?) Was I ever a prophet! That machine cost more than the laptop I am now using that has 3 GB of memory! A good friend of mine then, Ken Hill helped me immensely. Wow, Ken. Look at me now!

Anyway, life was so different when it was dark and there was no electricity. The other night as I tried to read by candle light . . . then flash light . . . then cell phone light, I thought, "Man, Abe Lincoln was tough!" I then said, "Wow, God. Thanks for the conveniences (and that is what they are) that make my life, easy and enjoyable."

Faith Based Funding

2008-09-12T01:01:00.006-04:00

I have served in ministry in one setting or another, one style or another for over 30 years. It is in my blood. I cannot walk away from it, try as I might. It influences every decision I make, right or wrong, up or down, cooperate with my conscience and the Spirit or violate that cooperation. (And I have done both quite well thank you very much!) It is a factor in most of my conversations on some level.

At present I serve in a Faith Based organization (TWOgether Pittsburgh) that is receiving Federal Funding on the oft-named, usually misrepresented, always misquoted, “Faith Based Initiatives” on Healthy Relationships and Marriage from Washington, DC. It is so closely aligned to President Bush that it is often criticized by opponents for that reason alone. (I intend to write on GWB and my views later. I think he has been unjustly vilified, and blamed for some things not of his doing. I have not agreed with him on many items. I think he has made some serious blunders, but shoot SO HAVE I!!! I think history will be much kinder to him as a president that the present is. But, I digress . . .)

The media has taken to calling these funding options “Faith Based Initiatives” I think to make them seem “religious right,” or “less than high quality,” or just to get at the President. In reality, the support is fairly bi-partisan on Capitol Hill and from the White House. When we gather in DC we hear from speakers of both parties.

“Faith Based Initiatives” or Faith Based Federal funding is really nothing new. They are being listed as such, but that is not true. Catholic Charities, Jewish Community Centers, etc. have received Federal dollars to provide social services since the 1960s. The new piece is that Conservative Christian groups are involved in receiving funding now. But, this is nothing new.

Our programs do not talk about faith. They are Marriage and Relationship Education skills training classes. We use nationally recognized best practices. We are closely scrutinized by the Federal Government and other independent sources, some of whom agree, some who violently disagree with us. We are fully and independently evaluated. We undergo a Federally Mandated Single Audit process annually. We have to raise 10% of our funding, one dollar to match every ten funded by the government. We complete regular detailed reports of our activities. We operate with integrity in not using tax payer dollars to promote faith. There is no worship, no Bible study, no praying, no coercion into Christianity in these programs. We meet folks wherever they are. We are a demonstration grant to see “What works.” We seek to address relational concerns, not cram the Bible down someone’s throat. (And I will take a back seat to no one on how seriously I take the Bible. But let’s be honest, people to not divorce over theology!)

This is important stuff . . . really. In the last five years, the war in Iraq has cost the US taxpayer $500 Billion dollars. With a “B.” Forget how you feel about it; that is the cost of the war. Over that same time period the monetary cost to taxpayers due to the breakup of the family has been $560 Billion.

Yes, you read that correctly. $560 Billion. $112 Billion dollars a year. $60 Billion per year MORE than the War in Iraq. But it does not get the same amount press.

Here are the facts. The report quantifies for the first time the astounding cost to governments from family fragmentation. Work of this sort not only makes sociological sense to our culture, it just makes good financial sense to our nation.

All this being said, I listen and read intently when each candidate talks about their view on this funding. I did it during Rick Warren’s interview. I do when they are on CNN, or Fox, or MSNBC or wherever. I have a personal interest. It is my job, but I am not getting rich off the government, believe me! My salary is a matter of public record, and I would venture to guess most of you out earn me.

It troubles me to hear or read one candidate saying, “programs that have been less than effective.” Who is feeding him this? Where is he getting this information, or misinformation? We are being very effective and documenting it as we progress. I have mixed feelings when both candidates say increase spending in this arena. It could make the work harder and come under even more scrutiny. Well, that is hard to imagine actually we are scrutinized so closely as it is, but anything is possible.

As I have said and will say, this is an important election and maybe more than any other in recent years, we need to really see what each is saying, and how they act in accordance with that.

Point of Personal Privilege #2

2008-08-28T15:21:00.011-04:00

I stated on my last entry that we now have six grandchildren. In that I posted a photo of my son Richard and his wife Priscilla along with their three children. So, after today you can see all my children and their children.

This is my oldest child Alyssa and her husband John along with their two children Téah and Micah. This picture was taken this summer on their vacation at the Outer Banks with John's parents.
Here is my youngest daughter Lori Beth and her son Gavin. This picture is a bit old. It was taken a few years ago at her brother's wedding, but it is a really good picture of her. I think both of my daughters are very lovely, but then, I am a bit biased.

Finally, here are some more recent pictures of Gavin, taken this morning as he boarded the bus for his first day of kindergarten. Yep, that is a Go Diego Go! backpack.

Point of Personal Privilege

2008-08-26T13:48:00.011-04:00

One of the items at denominational meetings that usually ticks me off, is when someone rises to say, "Point of Personal Privilege," during the business meeting. It is just a nice way of getting to say what you want about someone you like while circumventing the Roberts Rules process . . .

So-o-o, here I go "Point of Personal Privilege."

We just got back from Tennessee visiting our son and his family. They just welcomed our sixth grandchild (MAN!! Am I old or what?!) It was great to see them and their three (so far!) kids.

Here is a picture of the family. Richard, Priscilla, Gideon (center) Elliotte (left) and Eden the newest in Richard's arms. Yep. I am proud.

I will probably take another "Personal Privilege Day" tomorrow to post some pictures of my other Grandkids and their parents as well. I will get back to commentary soon. Either enjoy it or get over it.